A thousand splendid suns

I bought this book online.. first purchase online since I am back in Malaysia. When I was in UK, I always buy books online - may be because it's cheaper online. Well, I also bought books from carboot sales which is "crazy cheap", an expression they like to use in Malaysia. It's one of those books you cannot put down once you start to read. Khaled Housseini never disappoints you... his writing is superb. When you read, you can imagine and sometimes, you can smell things.. the aroma of the surroundings. Have you read it? If not.. I don't want to spoil your excitement.. but still, I want to say something about it.

It started with the life of Mariam - a special person whose life started as a lonely little girl and was controlled by her mother. Despite being secluded from the real world, she is hopeful that one day, she would be able to reach out to the world. Having a mother who is so negative about everything, it is hard for her to move forward but the brave action that she took one day changes everything in her life. When you read about Mariam, you can feel the loneliness and the innocent hope she had on the person who was so important in her life - the person she looked up and always looking forward to meet.. her father whom she thought had betrayed her. It was sad.. not only sad, but heart wrenching. How she had to take the hand of an older man who used her, battered her and took everything away from her - that is her self pride. She felt like dirt.. like she is worthless but then, when someone came into her life in the most unpredictable way, she started to understand the meaning of life and her self worthiness. Most importantly, she feels loved and be loved.

But all the loves come with a price... a very high price indeed that many may not be able to pay. She sacrificed everything for her love. As a harami, she wants her life to mean something..

Towards the ending, my heart sinks... I can't help but imagine the feelings of all the characters involved especially Laila... the girl whom Mariam hated at first and ended loving her with all her heart. What about Aziza, the lovely girl who was with Mariam since she was small. The feelings that you have for these characters are really strong and make you feel amazed of how the author brilliantly developed the relationship gradually as you turn the page, one by one. FANTASTIC!!

For a few days now, I searched for the book again... miss-placed. Don't know at which shelf of my here-and-there library I have left it and now, I can't find it. I went to the bookstore this time but they don't have it. I have to wait for their new order. For good books, I don't mind repurchasing. It's an ownership worth spending and I will wait.

Asceticism @ Zuhud

Sometimes when you plan for something, Allah would plan something better. That's what happened to me last week.

It was the starting of school holiday and so, I went to Kuala Terengganu (KT). A marvellous holiday, I should say. It is good to have a small break once a while. I always enjoy working away... doesn't mean I don't love staying home but I love staying away from my OFFICE. It's like the whale - going surface to breathe once a while. Yes, it feels like having a full tank again.

Let me be frank - It wasn't totally holiday coz I attended a seminar for 2 days. One of the speakers is a millionaire who had set up many companies - Great!! I wish I have also. The only company I have are my circle of friends - also GREAT! I figure it must be difficult to control yourself if you have great wealth. That is why Allah did not give wealth to just about anyone but only to certain people. We should be happy with what we have as Allah knows best how much we need and give accordingly - in due measures!

Wealth is good! But let's look at my title for tazkirah tomorrow. It is about ascetic@zuhud. I'll be delivering Dr. Zaharuddin's talk which I heard the night before we drove home. We were so fortunate to have the opportunity to meet him - I mean, watch him from a distance. The mosque was not so crowded and comfortable. His talk was about Muamalat.. wheeling and dealing in Islam. It's about Riba/Interest. All these comes from our greed of the wordly affairs. If we practise ascetic@Zuhud, we won't be dealing with Riba'. That's why my tazkirah title will be on asceticism. I again was reminded by a saying by Saidina Ali r.a. about asceticism @ zuhud  - It is not about not owning anything but it's about not being owned by anything.

Dr Zaharuddin also mentioned of a hadith about knowing your priorities.... Muhammad ibn Ya'qub (al-Kulayni) from Muhammad ibn Yahya, from Ahmad ibn Muhammad, from Ibn Mahbub, from `Abd Allah ibn Sinan and `Abd al-Aziz al-Abdi from `Abd Allah ibn Abi Ya`fur, who report Abu Abd Allah (al-Imam al-Sadiq) (A) to have said: "One who passes his evenings and mornings in such a way that the world be his biggest concern, God ordains poverty between his two eyes and causes his affairs to become disjointed and dissipated, while he does not attain anything except what has been apportioned for him. And as for one who passes his evenings and mornings while his biggest concern and goal be the Hereafter, God puts contentment to his heart and gives a wholeness and unity to his affairs. [1]


We spent a few days at KT. However, before driving home, we stopped AGAIN at the famous market of Kuala Terengganu - Pasar Payang. I believe the batik art is getting more attractive these days - they are really improving especially those which are hand drawn. If you plan to buy the batik, it will be so difficult to choose - they all look equally attractive. I am sure you'll end up buying more than you planned for. I remember when I get out of the car, I had more than enough money to buy what I have already planned. However, I end up going back to the car to get more. Oh.. it''s so difficult to control yourself. I hope Allah understands and forgive me. I really do hope so :) As I walked to the car, I was asking myself if I am doing the right thing... I started making a lot of excuses for myself. I had a list of them and I believe they were all valid. However, I don't think I am practising zuhud... or else, I won't be going back there for more. Ah.. I really love the batik, especially the cotton ones. Can we love batik and be zuhud at the same time?? Yes, I think we can. Like having a mercedes, park the car outside.. just don't park it in your heart :)

Dr. Zaharuddin's story about Abu Darda' really had touched me. Being zuhud, he was willing to let go of his acres of dates farm to exchange it with a date tree in the Jannah. However, he was rewarded with more than he expected - acres of farm with hundreds of dates tree and a palace in Jannah. And Allah's promise is true- for those who believe!

How about us? Can we do the same? Believing the promises of Allah and letting go of our greed. Can we control our worldly intentions - leaving those that will not benefit us in the hereafter? Can we live unselfishly - thinking more of others than our own selves? What if your husband come home and tell you that he has exchange the beautiful house you live in with a house in paradise? What would you say? Would you scold him or say to him like what Abu Darda's wife had told him "(This is the best transaction that you had ever made!")? Would you do the same?

Ah.. Allah is great! He is teaching me all the time - not letting me go for even a bit - While busy thinking about shopping like most women, He sends me a knowledgable person to test if I am really listening and reading the signs. It's my holiday - the least time to expect for a great Islamic talk.  O Allah, I am so grateful!

In the Quran, Allah said: "They were  plotting and Allah too was planning, and Allah is the Best of the planners"[8: 30]

[1] http://www.al-islam.org/fortyhadith/6.htm

What people think of you is NOT IMPORTANT

According to Prof Dr Muhaya, generally there are 2 kinds of people - the IMPORT and the EXPORT. The import busy themselves taking from others but the export always think about what they can give. I think this statement will really makes you start evaluating yourself!

AM I AN IMPORT OR EXPORT PERSON?

Does it matter? The answer is YES. This is not about what others think of you BUT what you think of yourself. What we think of ourselves are most important because it is how you value your own self and this will determine how or not you are happy. Happiness usually relates to how you work towards the the meaning of your existence. In life, we have 2 vertices that needs attention. They are the:

a. VERTICAL - relationship with your creator

b. HORIZONTAL -relationship with other people - which includes your parents, your family, your children, workplace, students, neighbors, community..

The first is not so obvious. Some people can look like they are so much related to God but actually they are not. In extreme cases, you see that they are very kind hearted people who really understands the meaning of sincerity but in true sense, they don't believe in God. In my personal opinion, if you are not good vertically, you beat the purpose of existence. You have not reach the level of wisdom of your existence. To understand and really focus on this vertical relation takes you to travel deep into your soul. It doesn't only takes you down the path to your spiritual self, but also helps you to put more actions that can strengthen your spiritual being. That once your spiritual being is strengthen, all the pictures in life will be connected and bring meanings to you. The actions are your evidence of believe and trust. When this happen, all these actions come naturally to you and you enjoy doing them. For muslims, this is translated into doing more supplementary prayers and good deeds other than the obligatory ones. For companions of the prophet Muhammad pbuh, when they are doing their prayers, they reached the highest level of tranquility where they are no more connected to the world around them. In fact, many of them do not feel pain as pain is physical but they are at the time, spiritual. Hmmm... a bit philosophical here!

We move on the the second - human to human relationship. When we talk about human to human, we become exporters or importers. If we export a lot, we become rich persons and if we are importers all the time, we become very dependent on others. Importers would need others to put things into their store and would feel sad or demotivated if that doesn't happen.

Some people are natural at human to human skill. May be they are brought up that way or they pick up the skill through time. Don't take this for granted because for some people, they don't have this skill and need people to teach them. If you are importers and married to exporters, then you may have been saved. But some people can never change. They become importers all through their lives! On the other hand, some people doesn't need formal education to become exporters. They are real exporters!

Oh.. have I not define the meaning of exporters or importers? If you find someone who busy herself or himself to give - they are exporters! Importers on the other hand would find ways to get things from others. They are calculative people who always have the plus and minus signs in their head. They would give after calculating that they get more in return. May be we sometimes do this.. shame on us!

Some people were taught to give during their childhood and carry this all through their lives. Wise are those parents who teach their children charity. My late mother-in-law was an export person. After her death, I met many of her friends who told me so many stories of her generosity. She was not highly educated but her social intelligence beats many of the professors. One time she went to town with food in her hand. On the way home, she saw a few people working under the hot sun doing construction work. She stopped and gave them the food. That was natural to her. How many of us has done this? When she passed away, so many people from all races came to pay tribute She was not a senator, not even had any post in the community, but she beats them all. She is a natural social worker who was willing to give to others what she had or hadn't. I said this because she was even willing to borrow money to give others.

There are many things one can do to become exporters. You can do it through giving lots of presents to friends/relatives, constant charity and becoming more alert with other people's needs. Some people buy lots of things and give them to guests at home. Birthdays, Mothers Days, Teachers Day, Anniversary... these are occasions  if you need reasons to give small or big presents if you ran out of them. It makes the hearts grow fonder. Other than presents, we need to share ideas and knowledge. Imagine how much teachers can contribute to the betterment of mankind by teaching with sincere hearts. That is why a friend who is a lecturer would prefer his children to become teachers or other professions. He wants the children to continue his legacy... and he is a great teacher. I always see him spending long hours teaching his students although in university, there is no concept of 'tuition' but he does it anyway without any extra pay. May Allah reward him abundantly with His kindness.

So if you are really an exporter, what others think of you is just secondary. The most important is your sincerity. Even writing your own blog.. trying to disseminate knowledge or little things you think worth  sharing. Don't do it because you want people to think how great a writer you are but because you want to export with sincerity. When something is done with your heart, it strikes other people's heart too. And sincerity is not anybody's business.. it is between you and your Lord.

So next time, when you say tell a truth to a friend, or give an unpopular opinion for the sake of your organization... don't let anything hold you back because what they think is no more important. Tell them you know what you are doing!

Your weaknesses... Do you know?

There was a lecture on the radio this morning, talking about self esteem. There are too many good points that I thought it is good to share. Dr. Muhaya said, knowledge is like fish. They are slippery in nature. You can catch them with your hands but after a short while, it will slip off. Therefore, when you know anything, you can only retain it for a while and in order to hold it for a longer period, distribute the knowledge (facebook is one good medium) and the knowledge will travel far, benefiting many people around you. Among what was presented on the radio was how to know your weaknesses. Of course, we love to talk about our strength especially when someone praise you for it. However, strength and weaknesses comes in pair as no one is born perfect, we need to know them in order to overcome them. According to Imam Al-ghazali, a great muslim scholar, to know your weaknesses, you need to ask from 3 groups of people:
   (1) your teacher: they will sincerely tell you what you are weak at.  Teachers are noble people - they always want their students to improve. Teachers might know more about you than mother do and that is why mothers need to be close to their children's teachers.
   (2) your friend: you can ask your friends your weaknesses. Good friends are usually sincere too... but sometimes, they feel uneasy to tell you the truth. So, that is why you need to ask the third group of people...
   (3) your enemy: ask your enemy why they hate you so much and you will get lots of secrets like.. .they hate you because you are stingy, they hate you because you are bossy... A scholar once said, when your enemies tell you your weaknesses, tell them that you will repent for your bad conduct if they are right, and hope for Allah's forgiveness. However, if they are wrong about it, you make prayer that they are forgiven for their mistakes.

Weakness, if you know them can be your strength. The sad thing is that most of the time, we you don't know our weaknesses. That is why when someone comments on you or your actions, take the comments with positive attitude. They might meant well or even when they do not meant well, you can benefit from them. People around us are mirrors.. they tell you who you are, what you look like and from their reactions, we can learn more about yourself.

There was this person who moves to a new village. He asked a villager the condition of the village. That man asked him back, "How was your previous village?". He said it was not good. So this man said, this village is the same - not good. Another person then came to him and ask the same question. He asked again, "How was your old village". He said, "My village was very good.. he started to tell him all the good things about his old town". The villager said, "Then, this village is very good too". The person who asked in the first place was astonished to the different answers given to the same question. He exclaimed, "How come you said differently to me?". That villager said, "You are what you think of it". When you look at things positively, most of the time, things will be good for you and vice versa.

Can we have a positive attitude on our weaknesses as we do our strength. If we are not good in Math, perhaps we can collaborate with someone who's good in Math and make a strong team. There is always a way out in most problems that we face everyday. The real problem lies on not knowing the source of the problem. If you have fire, direct the Fire Extinguisher to the source of fire not directly to the blazing fire!  Find what the real problem is and perhaps you can overcome your problem or whatever you are facing. Life is a puzzle.. with levels of difficulties for those who are ready for different levels of challenges. Whatever your weaknesses are, the real challenge is how you are able to transform them into your strengths... for that is where the wisdom lies. And most of the time, there's no one to teach you the exact solution but only your knowledge and experiences as guidance.

Therefore, ask yourself.. are you ready to know your weaknesses and work on them? If the answer is yes, you are one step ahead than most people. Then, I wish you, ALL THE BEST!

From the holy Quran,
"Allah has made those who strive, with their property and their lives, to excel by a high degree those who hold back." (4:95)

LOVE AT HASSAN AL BANNA's HOME

They said, in order to love someone, you have to know them. This statement is so true that we have to study about the history of great people and learn from them. We always love to hear stories of great people - on how they lived their lives, their behaviors, their attitudes, their aspirations, their family - if possible, we want to peep through the window of their lives and know everything about them. Great things or great people don't just emerge overnight.. it is a process. They have great parents who educate and groom them. What if we don't have great parents? Well... we still can be great people too in our own ways... ask ourselves, how much have we done to improve ourselves? Many of us have access to great education but still, we have not seen ourselves as leaders, let alone great leaders.. Why? I sometimes ask this question to myself.. What have they got that we do not have? The answers are MANY.

Let's look at one of the great leader of our time... Hassan Al-Banna. We had at our university this week, a book fair and I came across this book "LOVE AT HASSAN AL BANNA'S HOME". This book is not new but I have not read it. This is one of the greatest man in recent history - who's photo we still can find on the internet. Someone who had done the work of dakwah and died as a martyr. With love for this man for the sake of Allah, I took the book home and read. He was an amazing man. He lived his life based on the prophet's life.. his children were the witness to that. They spoke so highly of him and in fact, they love him so much that whatever they said of their father, you can feel their love for him. In one statement, one of his children said, "Even if you have 2 hours of his time, it was enough because that 2 hours with him were already satisfying. While I was reading the book, my mind lingers within his household.. thinking what would be like to be in such environment - having children who had nothing to complain. It was almost impossible to think how it is possible. His children admitted that the childhood and parenting skill of Hassan Al Banna was so perfect that they even think they can't be as good as their father.

These are the things that he did:
- It started with choosing a good wife as mother to the children - he was very selective. She was a great person too - thought highly of her husband and never complains. They used most of their furniture for her husband's head office - curtains, sofa, tables and chairs - you name it. She supported his every action as she understood what he fought for. They lived modestly and they were contented with what they had.
- Making sure that he had time to eat together with his family everyday. When he had guests at home, he would invite them to eat with the family so that he wouldn't miss the meal time together.
- Attended to all his 6 children without failing: the children never feel neglected, even they were amazed how he accommodated them into his busy schedule
- Sent food to school almost everyday to make sure they had good food to eat at school.
- Advice the children without scolding them.
- Never raise his voice. He was very diplomatic with his children. When he doesn't like anything, he would suggest something better to the children. The children would consider due to respect and not fear of him
- Always make sure the children had extra money to buy books. In fact, the children were given more than enough and they spent their money to buy books and they each have their own library.
- A romantic husband to his wife
- Assist his wife with budgeting and making sure that what they needed at home were ordered as planned - he was very precise and systematic
- Taught his children charity-

This book is good as presents to all husbands or at weddings for new husbands. It helps them see their role in the house as a father and as a husband. With Quran as the base of all education, you can't be wrong in bringing up your children. Giving children sound foundation of Islam helps them be better muslims and better husbands too. Current research revealed that, MAN are becoming SOFT and WOMAN are becoming FIERCE. This is due to our new preservatives and additives we have in our food.  Is this true? Or have we not use Quran and the examples of the prophet to live our lives? This great man was raised by his father with Quran, Hadith, Fiqh, Seerah etc. He was taught by his father the knowledge of Islam. They had good education at home which most of us can't give to our children but hope that the school can do it on our behalf.

So, when you read this book or any other of its kind, at least it gives you new insights on different aspects of life. Try follow some of the things Hassan Al Banna did, perhaps, things would be better at home. Or may be if you give this book to your husband, perhaps, he can see how he can at least try to improve his leadership or parenting skill to make things better for the children. Or may be, read to your sons and make them realize that they can be great person in their own way too if they follow the teaching of Islam. Isn't it great to have great people around us. But sadly, great people might not be around.. so we have to seek them through readings and perhaps, through these examples, new great people will emerge around us.. in our own community, in our own household, .... and hopefully, you can also feel this kind of greatness and love in your home too. OR HAVE YOU??

Two kind hearts

I met them in Leicester on my way to Leeds but since we stopped over at Clydach, I got carried away with shopping at the wednesday car boot sale there and arrived later than expected. It was't clear to me that my daughter had arranged for an earlier meeting. Anyway, we reached their house without difficulty with the guide of the UK map (thank you 7-11) as our Tom Tom was in Leeds.

When we parked the car, I saw a british man with white beard came out to greet us with a smiling and welcoming face. His name is brother Daud R. Mathew or previously known as David. I had high expectation of them as my daughter talked so much of them and their dakwah work - they are very much committed. We entered the house... a very lively and comfortable house, I should say. Across the room, I was greeted by a pakistani lady sitting on a sofa - smiling and eager for our hugs. She was not well for some days before - my daughter told me the last time she saw her, she was not that thin. She told me she had lost a lot of weight but alhamdulillah, recovering. She moves around in wheel chair - for many years now.

As we chatted along from one topic to another, I found them amusing. They are one of the most beautiful couple I've seen. Brother Daud told us that they are never bored of each other. They are two brainy people and very supportive to each other. They met in Oxford when the sister Anis was doing her PhD in nuclear physics and brother Daud was working at the university. She told us how she managed to impressed Oxford professors when she presented her PhD proposal ideas. Indeed, the professors were amazed of how good the idea was and as soon as she knew her idea was accepted, she asked for a permission to flee the room and pray 2 rakaat of solat to say thanks to Allah. How many of us would do that when we are grateful?

Brother Daud was attracted to Islam the first time when he saw her doing her solat at a corner of a room. She gave him a book of Islam so that he can understand more of the religion. How he embraced Islam can be read from his article "A Sleepless Night", published by the Brunei Times. He took shahadah in 1973, 18 months after doing solat and fasting. He thought he had not known much. They also told us how the family in Pakistan eventually accepted him and they got married in Pakistan. The things that they told us was really fascinating. They worked in Saudi Arabia for several years before they reside in the UK and have been doing the dakwah work ever since. Both of them are actively involve in giving talks about Islam and dakwah especially during the Islamic Awareness week, one of many programs organized by FOSIS (Federation of Student Islamic Societies) in the UK.

They invited us to stay for the night but since we had to drive to Leeds for my daughter's graduation, we had to turn down the offer but indeed, I was tempted. I told them that they have to write a book on their autobiography as I know for sure, they can really inspire many other muslims to do dakwah too, insya'Allah. Some of us are not doing it at all. May Allah forgive us for our negligence.

Time flew so fast when you are having a good time. Before we knew it, it's already time to hit the road again. Before we left, brother Daud gave us his book (newly published) as a souvenir  and signed it. It says.....

"A small gift to help you remember our first meeting - the beginning of a long and lasting friendship" Daud and Anis

July 2011

Again they invited me to stay for a month with them so that I can help them write the book I suggested. What a good offer! I would really love to do that but with my work here, I don't know if it is possible. As I left the house, I thank Allah for sending me 2 new friends with kind hearts into my life. May this friendship help us to grow closer to Him, The Al-Mighty. I remember a hadith that said...

From Abu Dawood, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Never do two Muslims shake hands except that their sins are forgiven before they depart.”

They Took Their Oath....

The congregation for the conferment of degrees was so grand and merry with less protocol - short and nice. The Vice Chancellor’s speech was very meaningful and not too formal which to me, seemed to connect to all these students who were sitting there, listening well. Then they called their names and one by one, each student went on the stage to get his or her scroll. They are young doctors.. ready to serve and help people. It was indeed a moving moment for many – especially for those parents whom had thrived to send their daughters/sons to medical school. Behind all those success, I believe each one of them had their own stories to tell. Tears were difficult to hold back and I am sure, other parents felt the same. We sat there enjoying every sweet moment of success. You can see parents at their best – I bet many had ordered special suits for the occasion as indeed it was a special moment for everyone. At the end of the session, the graduates of Leeds University Medical School stood up and read their oath….

I solemnly pledge myself to consecrate my life to the service of humanity,

I will give to my teachers the respect and gratitude which is their due;

I will practice my profession with conscience and dignity;

The health of my patient will be my first consideration;

I will respect the secrets which are confided in me, even after the patient has died;

I will maintain by all the means in my power the honour

And the noble traditions of the medical profession;

My colleagues will be my sisters and brothers;

I will not permit considerations of age, disease

or disability, creed, ethnic origin, gender, nationality, or social standing to intervene between my duty and my patient;

I will maintain the utmost respect for human life from its beginning 

even under threat and I will not use my medical knowledge contrary to the laws of humanity;

I make these promises solemnly, freely and upon my honour.

That was the oath written beautifully for these young graduates. They read and we listened quietly with contentment as they made their oath. I hope they meant what they had just recited. We need sincere and caring doctors for our future. They will be one of the most important group of professionals in the society and I am happy my daughter was among them. 


I am grateful for the success Allah has rewarded us and right now, I just want to sincerely thank Allah. My heart was full of emotions and my tears were rolling down......

Thank you Allah for everything!

A Long and Winding Road....

When Alice in Wonderland reached a cross road, she asked the wise owl, “Which way should I take?”. The wise owl asked Alice, “Where do you wanna go, Alice?”. Alice said, “I don’t know”. Then the wise owl replied, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you can take any path you want”.

In life, we often reach crossroads where we don’t know which road to take. Life comes with many uncertainties and this is where the beauty lies. If everything goes as planned and all happenings in life are predictable, I bet many of us would just die of boredom.

It was still vivid in my mind when I came to a point in my life when I just don’t know what to do and which path should I take. Being parents, we always want to do everything within our might for our children. But this one time is a bit too far beyond my reach. The dilemma was, should I send my daughter to Medical School?  The issue was not only about medical school but sending a child to medical school without any sponsorship means substantial financial implication that we wouldn’t be able to bear. This happened 5 years ago and tonight, everything was so crystal clear.

One evening I heard from Sheikh Abdullah Yaseen in our class that reading the holy Quran is the solution to any muslim’s problem. Be it a mathematical problem, financial problem or anything at all. All you need is to have trust in Allah who has the knowledge of what is best for everyone. I prayed to Allah to send me a sign – a way out, to give an instinct in my heart on what to do next at this crossroad – like what a mother should have.

A few days back, we went to Leeds – to look for an opportunity for a scholarship from any organization at all. My daughter had a bag packed with her clothes, all ready for her registration at Leed University Medical School. It was a mixed feelings when we went because I know that there was a high possibility of not getting what we hoped for – a scholarship. Before even register, we met several university officers and talked about the possibility of getting any scholarship but to no avail. She had an offer letter in her hands but without any financial support, it seemed impossible. Five years of medical school in the UK is the cost of a huge bungalow in Kuala Lumpur, which I could not afford. I don’t want living my life paying debts. After making sure that there was no way to get any means for financial support, we had to leave Leeds. It was heart wrenching to see my daughter carrying her bag back onto the car and off we went back to Swansea.

That morning in Swansea, I read the holy Quran before going to my research lab - hoping that Allah will show me what is best. I always look at what happened as a sign from the Lord. I once was asked by an AFS son from Germany what makes me think of all the happenings as signs and what if they are not. I told him that everything that happens around us is never a coincidence. They all happen for some good reasons. How can we say the Big Bang was a coincidence? The movement of the planets around the sun – they are all precise calculations of the Creator. So how can everything else around them be regarded as coincidence – They are nothing but precise calculations too.  With this understanding, I learnt to put meanings into everything that happened in my life. With this trust in the precise calculations of my Creator, I learnt to trust Him. I had this trust all along and this is how I gained my strength in life.

After reading the Quran, I went to my research lab and opened my email as my daily routine. There it was – a mail from a very good friend in Malaysia. He knew my dilemma. He told me to send my daughter to medical school without thinking twice. He said, when it comes to his children, any sacrifices are all worth it. I knew my daughter might get her scholarship in later years, but I was scared that we would be turned down. One can never tell the future and the risk was too high. With this encouragement, I suddenly realize that perhaps, that was the answer to my uncertainty. We had a discussion and after a few days, we were back in Leeds, registering her for Medical School. We gather what we had to pay for the fees and indeed, we had enough, Alhamdulillah.  We had enough for the first year of Med School fee. We dare not think of her second year or the next few years’s. But at that time, I only want to take one step at a time. We received many words of encouragement from friends and we were so happy and proud to be able to send her to Med School.

The second year, we appealed for scholarship and the Malaysian government agreed to pay for her fees. It was good enough for us. With our own PhD scholarship and some working hours, we send her monthly allowance and I believe she was able to live comfortably. The third year, we appealed again for full scholarship and we even sent a letter to the Prime Minister. My mom in Malaysia was amazed to receive a reply from the Prime Minister’s office. We wrote several letters to many others too. That year, she received a full scholarship. We were on cloud nine… I can’t  begin to express my happiness when I heard after the scholarship meeting that our application pulled through. May Allah reward them for their kindness in accepting our application.

We were so relieved at that time. Our daughter was able to study without any worries after that. It was indeed a long ordeal but Alhamdulillah, we were so grateful with all the hurdles that we had to jumped in order to get to the finishing line.

Tonight, she was on the other side of the world and we were on Yahoo messenger.  We waited for her final year exam result. It was announced online. The moment she told us that she passed, we were indeed very grateful. The feeling was indescribable. Everything that we had gone through in order to put her to medical school came rushing back to my head. Indeed it is a great feeling of success. I put my head on the ground in prostration, thanking Allah for everything.

That crossroad took us to a good spot now. There is still a long and winding road ahead for this young doctor but we are grateful that the path to take is clearer now. It is up to her now to run or to walk. We had done our part. We make doa that the road that lies ahead is not so crooked and not too bumpy. May Allah help us to persevere and keep these children of ours to be strong and be able to share and assist those who are passing through that same long and winding road in whatever way they can. Indeed, life would be meaningful if you can benefit others around you. Being there at that crossroad made you realize that taking chances can lead to success if you are really determined, insya’Allah. If the road you take is long and winding, keep your heads high and set your goal clear… when you know where you want to go, half of the difficulties are taken care of. That long and winding road might be the best path of your life.

Allah says in the Quran,….

“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient ones” (Quran 2:155)“.

They changed their plans.....

Life is a rolling wheel.. sometimes, you'll be on top and sometime you'll be at the bottom. What you do to others will come back to you... hmmm, most of the time! I guess everyone knows this. That is why when I told my son his misbehavior towards me, he said I must have done the same to my mom. Hmm.. Amir can be a tricky boy!

It is not easy to deal with children when they are already married... i think all moms would think the same. I wonder how my mom deals with this matter with all 9 of her children married... must be challenging.

This afternoon, I got a message from my daughter telling me that she'll be coming home. When your married daughter is coming home with your son-in-law, you have to make preparations like you are having any guests. Before when my daughters came home from their boarding schools, they'll do the tiding up themselves, they'll do all the house chores. Oh, what a bless!!! When they are home, I was like having maids in the house... ( when they were not sleeping, that is !!! )

So when I know my daughter is coming home today, I prepared their bed and make sure everything is in perfect order.. so they feel very much welcomed. I changed the carpet so that the room will look nicer and they'll be real happy to be home and to come home again next time. After wiping the floor and dusting, I looked at the room... wow, it looked really nice! When Amir came in, he told me off - he said, she can do it by herself. I told him that they'll be tired by the time they arrive and it is good that I prepared this so that they can rest peacefully when they arrive. What does he know!!!

I looked at the room, I had everything ready and I sat down at my favorite couch waiting for them - any sounds of a car approaching might be them.... Suddenly I saw a message on my mobile, it says... Sorry ma, we changed our plans!!! Is it ok? Hmm.. what can I say? Well, at least, I can rest and I have a nice room upstairs ready for guests!

 I wonder all through my marriage life, my mom must have felt neglected. I remember how I was too busy with my husband, too busy with my family, too busy with my children. It is easy to hurt a mom's feelings. Unfortunately, you have to experience it to realize it...  Life is about lessons... and I am glad Allah helps me see through these lessons of life. With that note, I thank Allah for all His lessons to make me an improved daughter to my mom. I need to materialize my love to her. I hope she knows I love her so much... And if I promised her anything, I hope I would never have to say, "Sorry Ma, I changed my plans!!!

Follow your passion... my almost published book!!

Everyone has passion in life... and all my life, I have always love writing. I've not written much.. only some articles and they are not even published.  I remember one time when my boss asked me to take over a book-writing project on a programming language - we published and since there were too many writers, I put my name as the editor. I don't mind not having a name on the book because I wanted to have a book on my own.

I've just finished writing this new book of mine. I am not proud but happy that I am able to contribute to my students. Nothing extra ordinary about that... It is an introductory book - very basic - like a book for the ' idiot'. To make things worse, the day I sent it to the publisher of the university, they had with them a book with the same subject matter but comprehensively written by another fellow lecturer. This other book was ready to be published - have gone through the editing process. I was stunt!!

Wish I was 3 months earlier. That is a hard lesson to learn. I had my book almost ready about a year ago but due to my procrastination attitude... it stays there untouched. Last month,  I pushed myself and it took me only around 2 weeks to finish writing it.. I submitted early this month! Now, I have to compete with the other book but the writer is a pro.... won't be able to beat him. So like they say - if you can't beat them, join them. What did I do? Yesterday, I wrote him  an email, telling him about my book and also suggesting him that we should be working side by side. I have to learn from this pro too!!!

This is life.. Most of the time, you can never be the best. And at times, you can never beat the rest. But the sweet thing that you can also learn is how to create success by joining others - those who beat you. You don't have to be the best - you only have to try your best. Again, if you can't beat them... join them.

Now I am waiting for the editing proess. I can't wait to have it published .. And I have a long list of books to write. They are all in my head and perhaps, if I push myself to write them just like I have pushed this one, I would be able to have more books published in the near future. Many great Imam of Islam wrote many books in their lifetime. Wish I can leave many books behind.. at least, a book of my autobiography. Won't that be interesting?

Our life have become too complicated. People used to live simpler lives. They don't need insurance... no road tax to pay, no bill to settle, no courses to attend, no KPI (key performance index;-p ) to fulfill... and if we let our mind create excuses, I am sure the list will go on and on. If only we realize that life is short ... we won't be spending too much time on things like facebook, twitter... and so on. The great scholars used their time wisely.. reading and seeking knowledge by traveling and meeting scholars of their time before their themselves become scholars. I read about Imam Shafie - by the age of 15, he has already giving fatwa due to his vast knowledge of Islam.

I am no scholar... My book is about a software that is useful for graduate students. And perhaps, I will promote the software with that pro... helping him and assisting him in any way possible. In fact, he has promoted the software to his faculty to be used by graduates and under graduates. Me? I am going to conduct courses to our graduate students. I have conducted one for my research methodology class students. It was going quite well. I will promote to the undergraduates also. A friend at other university had also invited me to give training to their staff. Although I am not a pro, with a good backup, I am sure I would be able to excel, insya'Allah. This is the beauty of working in a team and having backups.

So now, I am considering of writing another book.  Perhaps a travelog of my future trip to Beijing (end of February). I have the structure of the book in my head now... when you have passion, nothing should stop you. I've heard people wakes up early like 3am in the morning to write. Perhaps, I should be more passionate and continue writing....

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
Harold Whitman

When the mind works....

I had an argument regarding a matter with someone a few years back when it seems impossible to convince him to see things my way. He just saw it differently. I used different tactics to make him see through my eyes and it just couldn't get through. Time and time again I would bring up the matter to remind him but to no avail. There are many issues actually, and they are all interrelated. Only last night, after a deep conversation, it pulled through. He finally was convinced. He sees it all. With an open heart, he admitted that I was right all along. It was like his mind was twisted and he can't see things straight. It was sort of a revelation, I reckon!

Why do we see things differently? Why can't we all accept things as they are and not think too much until we can't see the obvious? This is the trick of the mind -  People's mind is a complicated thing.. we don't know how people perceive things as it is all in the mind. There is a saying "A man is infinitely more complicated than his thoughts." and to me, it is the mind that complicate things or men. We always have the choice to see things as is. But when one thinks too deep, that when troubles come. 


Let's talk about fate which can be a good example. Fate is something beyond our grasp and Allah knows best. So, we are asked to make du'a/supplication to Him although we know that everything is decreed but as muslims, we should not lose hope. We should not question matters beyond our boundaries like - 
why we have to make du'a whilst everything is all decreed? Where is the will of men to determined where he wants to go and what he wants to do?  How come if all is decreed, we are still judged by Him? 


These questions are dangerous to our faith. If you think too much of them, the devil might trick you into thinking that it is unfair to be judged by something that is predestined. Suffice for muslims to believe that Allah is just. It must be an unconditional TRUST.  Allah says in the holy Quran, 


"Allah is never unjust not even of the weight of an atom (or a small ant)" (Quran 4:40). 


"We shall set up scales of justice for the day of Judgement, so that not a soul will be dealt with unjustly in the least. And if there be (no more than) the weight of a mustard seed, we will bring it (to account) and enough are we to take account" (21:47).


The precision is apparent. Therefore, when it comes to fate, mere common sense will not work. A famous scholar once said that common sense/logic is like a piece of wood floating in the ocean. You can hang on to it for a while but there is a bigger force that you can't beat.


Allah descent His book and prophet's teachings as our guidelines, as a reference to survive in the "Big Ocean". With our limited knowledge in religion, we are bound to commit sins. Let's not only use our own mind/mere logic to deal with any issue because we can be tricked. Seeking knowledge is the best to guide us to the truth and indeed, it is Allah who guides us but our job to seek knowledge. If Allah loves us, He will give us comprehension of the religion.


Therefore, when he admitted that he was wrong all along, it was not a victory to me as he was not really conceding to defeat. It was  a brave confession. To me, I took it as a sheer relieve - at last, someone see my point! I can't help my mind (the complicated engine)  from going into a swirl of questionings - what if I was also wrong? Can it be that I was the one who got tricked? What if there was some truth in his perception? What if he is also right as conditions change and flexibility is permitted in some situations. What if I was being too judgmental and rigid. How do I know that I am right? These questions keep coming to me, bombarding, one after another. Then I come into realization that we can't be too sure of anything in life. Allah ingrained in our hearts conscience to guide us through -  in addition to the Quran and Hadith as our manual. With all those equipments, we will not only survive but victorious, as well. And if you are seeking truth all the time, Allah will help.     


So in the car, I asked him.. "What makes you realize after all these years that you are wrong about this?" He replied, ".. through thinking and thinking".  I can't say anything anymore. I let my mind do the talking.... and "Hmmm....", I replied ;-) 

May you rest in peace! Ameen

I was recently told about the death of a newly graduated doctor who studied in Sheffield, UK. I read his blog which was written very well. I believe most of the medical students are well trained due to their assignments and number of case studies they had to cover - well, they are excellent students or else they won't get into medical schools. This brother, Mas Afzal had blood cancer and once diagnosed, he started writing his blog, sharing his experiences and moments with family and friends. There are many cancer patients linking themselves to his blog, sharing their strength and trust in God. In his last entry before he was terminally ill, he talked about his mom - how she had stayed by him during the hard times without complaining. Ya.. many people are fortunate to have mom's love - loving you without conditions. I read with tears in my eyes. magine the effort he had made to write at those difficult hours. Despite that young age, he is stronger than most .. always expressing his gratitude despite his condition.


I remember in one of the inspiring speeches given by Dr. Tareq Suwaidan, he said there was a time when Umar r.a., the prophet's sahabah sent a group of men to support a battle against the Roman. In that battle, he told the leader that he was sending 40,000 men. When the leader counted the men sent, there was only 10,000. When Umar was asked where are the rest of the men, he said, among those men, there are 4 whom each represents 10,000 men. Imagine how one man can be as strong of 10,000 men? Dr. Tareq Suwaidan added, most men now don't even add up to 1. Funny eh? So what happened to us? Strength in this context doesn't only refer to physical state. During the time of the prophet and sahabah, strength would also mean the state of IMAN and TRUST in Allah. Therefore, when you add all that to their physical being, they become undefeatable. Even if they are defeated in a battlefield, they are  considered martyrs - a dream of all believers. Win or lose, you will be victorious anyway!


However, we don't fight in battlefields. We fight against many things in our lives. Some fight against their own desires whilst some had to fight against terminal diseases like Cancer (I used a capital C because he used to refer it as Big C). Brother Mas Afzal passed away at 26. He fought all through, knowing for sure that his way was surely not the primrose way, everything is determined by The Almighty and decreed by Him - good or bad. He said, "Allah surely has  unique ways of showing His love, and I hope I will not lose my chance...". Such wise words... It is true that difficulties take people closer to Him. When we see people died at that young age, automatically our mind might think.. ahh, what a waste!!! There's so much to miss.... all the things that he could do like working, getting married, having children, building family, career and what not. But is that what life is all about?


Allah says in the Holy Quran, (3:185),
"Every soul shall have a taste of death! All of you shall get your full recompense only on the Day of Resurrection. Then only those will be Truly Successful, who escape the Fire of Hell and is admitted to the Gardens! As regards the life of this world, it is merely a thing that deceives! "


This is the true meaning of success - whether or not you escape from the torment of hellfire and be able to enter the gardens of delight... Allah's great heaven (Jannah). To enter Jannah, one needs a lot of perseverance, sacrifices, kindness to people and good relation with Allah. Are you establishing good relation with Allah? How about your relation with people? Do you love others enough? Do you love fellow muslims as we were told to? With SALAM, we spread love among muslims. Imam Muslim reported that our prophet p.b.u.h. said, 


"I swear by The One whose hand my soul is in that you will not enter paradise until you believe. And you won't be believed until you love one another." 


Only Allah knows what's in the heart but we, as human being, can only judge people by what they do. We can only see the obvious ones unless we are truly close. So how did this young man live his life? 


This young doctor - although he passed away at a young age - might have more good deeds than many of us. He was actively involved in dakwah activities - enjoining the good and forbidding the evil. One of his last assignment was an invitation as a guest speaker for 2 days at a camp. Despite of his health condition and difficulties, he accepted the invitation. Imagine, he had to commute from his house that would take around 45 minutes and not only once but four times to be with the group at the camp. Amazing as it seems, at that young age, he might have collected better points than us... some of us live for ourselves. Let us ask ourselves if we had done anything for others lately? Have we benefited from the hours given to us? If only we think and reflect how precious these hours are especially to those who had been diagnosed with terminal illnesses. Think about it! Can we be more beneficial? Can we give without thinking whether or not we will be receiving anything back other than Allah's love? If we can do that, that's really good news and we must be doing ok.


So when he passed away, comments came pouring into his websites - from family and friends, near and far- sharing news and their grieves. Everyone talked about how great he was as a friend, a student, a relative and most importantly, as a believer of faith. There was also a lady who talked about how she was helped by brother Afzal even when she was a stranger to him. With all these good words, I believe they become his witnesses of his good deeds. And these witnesses are what we needed most .. at the time when none can help but your own deeds. Allah says in the holy Quran (46:19), 


"And for all are degrees according to what they did, and that He may pay them back fully their deeds and they shall not be wronged".

Therefore, we are advised to use our time wisely for there are many who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses and would love to have more time to serve Him. To live our lives to the fullest is to serve Him well and loving Allah unconditionally more than the love of a mom to a son. When you look at the sky, how beautiful it is in the morning or during the sunset, take a deep breath and feel Allah's love. You can feel that it is overflowing in your heart. It is undescribable. Look at the shapes of the clouds and the landscape of the sky and just admire how beautiful it is. Do this in the car everyday you commute to work... look up there and feel the love of God, creeping into your blood. How much love can you feel? Can you not feel the abundance and overflowing love? Can you not feel the tremendous feeling that is just too intense? How does it feel like to be Muhammad p.b.u.h., His beloved, to have seen God in person. He must have felt so much more than us... , even greater than we could imagine.

So I believe for people who love Allah and whose life is devoted to Him and Him alone, there is no regret in anything that happened in life.. Come what may! They will not fear death, but even waiting longingly for the moment when he is called. He will smile when the angle whisper solftly in their ears,

"O sacred spirit, return to your Creater, satisfied and well-pleased" (89:27-28). 

Al-fatihah to the soul of brother Mas Afzal, May you rest in peace, enjoying Allah's love and mercy in abundance! 

Your values... don't let go!!

I was watching Oprah a few days back when she invited a lady, ex-wife to a politician. It was interesting. When it comes to Oprah, I should be selective. Some or the values presented are not suitable for muslims.. especially when it comes to promoting fashion, western values and the like. What I love about her shows are the things you learn from real-life experience people went through. The lady guest [let's keep her anonymous] was cheated by her husband. She wrote a book about her journey of overcoming her frustrations. She said there was no regrets, no anger, no grudge but only pain. Yes, she was hurt but all through that ordeal, she kept herself focused on what was most important - her children. She controlled herself so well. When she spoke about her experience, you can see that she is a very stable person - she was handling it brilliantly.

Not many people can go through trials with a sane mind. For people of faith, we should be able to have a high degree of control of our feelings and actions.  All through her pain, she was actually trying to hold on to her marriage.. making it works, believing in the tradition that she loves so much and the values that she adores. Yes, she was conservative. She believe in marriage and abide to the vows. Should we not?

TRUST in marriage is a big thing. To me, this lady is very strong and not many are as strong. At time of trials and tribulations, you needed faith or trust in Allah the most. Having to go through the ordeal and keeping a sane and focused mind makes her very special... you can say, ooh, I can do that too. But don't say that until you are tested. I believe it is not easy. Of course, like she said, the most hurt are the children. But that's life - you don't get bright colors and twinkling stars every day... and we just have to accept it as it comes. By the way, the book is entitled "Keeping true".  And I don't think anyone can overcome these trials without having faith in God - Islam, Christian whatever your religion is.

I was reading "Don't be sad", a book written so beautifully and a MUST HAVE for every muslim household. If you are sad, read the book. The words are so nicely written. Yes... why do we have to be sad? The author says, put it in your mind TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF YOUR LIFE so you'll make it worth your while. if today is your last, you won't be wasting it on feeling bad but you will make the most of everything that you have around you. If one goes wrong, the others are still ok. There are too many bounties to count and Allah is giving them to you without even you asking for them. So why then should you be sad? I don't know.. perhaps, you just have too much of self pity, that's why!

Don't you feel like when you are mad, you want to scream? Don't you feel like you want to overcome the whole problem now and then and carry on with your life? Do you feel like you want to settle things once and for all? Then how can some people keep themselves sane if the whole thing takes a long time or might even take most of your lifetime? I believe we should self train own mind. Tell the mind things that can make it focus - your priorities in life.. be it your children, your health, your business, your career - you name it. I am not only talking about marriage here... trials can be anything. Some people keep their sanity by keeping busy - good. Some eat a lot and get fat - not good. Some sleep the whole day - not so good.

So what is the best medicine? I don't have the answer to the question.. it all depends on your situation. But one thing for sure is to go back to Your Lord... because He welcomes you with open arms although you keep forgetting Him. And the best way to go back to Him is to seclude yourself... take sometime away from people...

People can harm you especially in your remembrance of Allah. With their praises, you can get carried away. With their charm, you might forget yourself. So isolation can be beneficial to be able to talk to Him sincerely. Some people love to get themselves known and so, they can collect as many friends. To them, making friends are appreciating love and that is good. Sometimes, too much love can spoil you. People of faith are selective in making friends... if you are not careful, they can drag you down.. unless you are an angel - untouchable. I've seen people making friends without thinking.. liking him or her in the virtual world without thinking of your values or principles. You want to do DAKWAH and at the end, you will become bankrupt of good deeds because you are sinning and get caught in chain of sins [When you make error and others follow]. Again.. you forgot your values!!!

Ibn Thymiyah said {in Don't be Sad},
"At times, it is necessary for the worshiper to be isolated from others in order to pray, remember Allah, recite the Quran and evaluate himself and his deeds. Also, isolation allows one to supplicate, seek forgiveness, stay away from evil and so on". These can help you to keep sane.

So when Oprah asked her.. "What was your regret?" Without hesitation, she replied, "Not leaving sooner than I did - But that was because of my TRUST in my values and holding on to them ".

Thank you Allah for yesterday when I was young

It is amazing when you look back and think of the years you have left behind, and of course, not knowing what is left. At times, you have to pinch yourself and look in the mirror to see how old you are [not much difference eh?] as you are always the same at heart. Of course, with some revelation in life, you improve in many ways due to the knowledge gained and confidence accumulated along the way. That should make you smile in realizing how incredible life has been. In this life, we are given a certain amount and we cannot have it all at once. God knows how easy we can deviate and be ungrateful to Him.

Saidina Ali said "if you were given the scroll of fate and see what was decreed in your life, you will not want to change a thing". Despite the pain memories, bad decision, wrong calculations and what not, they were all added to your store of values. These values made you and everyday you are living by these values.

Relationships, how good or bad - they are in the store too.. building your character as they influence you, one way or another. People change through time with all these values accumulating and changing, adapting to situations in life. How many times people change your mind about something? See how powerful interactions are? Your principles - they can remain the same or they can be improved...  as you re-evaluates your values as knowledge and experience added to your store!! Hopefully, good values stays. This is the process of maturity... and as time goes by, people change. Relationships change. Faces change. Nothing endures but change.

Is it a sad thing to change? Not really. In most cases, changes can mean a good thing. Whatever experience you have in life - good or bad - they are generally good, ain't it? All those thousand dreams that you dreamed but never achieved, they help you inspired. All those foolish games you play, they help you learn a trick. The love games you play and got hurt, they teach you to be wiser. No matter what you do before, there is always lessons to learn. If there is anything that you regret, let it be... leave yesterday as today can be your last. Like Anne said, "Life is too short to hold grudges" but if things are too much to handle, take a walk or better still, a vacation!

So when I look back to the years when I was young..things were sweet. I remember myself being a naive girl, who were forced to be independent when I left the nest of my family flying far to the United States at a very young age. So when I hear this song... it really clings to the heart. How true!! How careless we can be when we were young.....



"It seems the love I've known,
has always been the most destructive kind.
I guess that's why now,
I feel so old before my time."

Yesterday, when I was young,
The taste of life was sweet, as rain upon my tongue,
I teased at life, as if it were a foolish game,
The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned,
I always built, alas, on weak and shifting sand,
I lived by night, and shunned the naked light of day,
And only now, I see, how the years ran away

Yesterday, when I was young,
So many happy songs were waiting to be sung,
So many wild pleasures lay in store for me,
And so much pain, my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time, and youth at last ran out,
I never stopped to think, what life, was all about,
And every conversation, I can now recall,
Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all

Yesterday, the moon was blue,
And every crazy day, brought something new to do,
I used my magic age, as if it were a wand,
And never saw the worst, and the emptiness beyond

The game of love I played, with arrogance and pride,
And every flame I lit, too quickly, quickly died,
The friends I made, all seemed somehow to drift away,
And only I am left, on stage to end the play

There are so many songs in me, that won't be sung,
I feel the bitter taste, of tears upon my tongue,
The time has come for me to pay,
For yesterday, when I was young

There is some truth in the song.. I believe normal people go through similar process - making mistakes and mend them... So Allah take youth and give you wisdom - What a great exchange! Should we not be grateful???  So when I look into the mirror, I always say "THANK YOU ALLAH FOR YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG".

Indeed, we have to be among the grateful ones.

A link to the past

I did a lot of travelling lately. Sometimes, in a week, I had to go to  KL twice - attending all sorts of seminar, courses and what not! Nowadays, traveling is easy nowadays due to the R & Rs along the PLUS highway. I remember those days when we travelled, mom had to pack some food so that we can stop to eat.. of course, we had to select somewhere nice (usually a bit off the road -a comfortable place to sit and eat together like a picnic.) Now, we don't have to pack food because there are many choices at the stop areas.

So last week, we were at one of the R&Rs when I  saw an actor who was famous in my childhood. He used to act with P. Ramlee. Who does not know P. Ramlee? Even my son, Amir loves him. He don't usually watch Malay movies but he loves him anyway. We enjoyed watching some of the films especially "Seniman Bujang Lapok". Even watching the same movie 10 or more times, you will still laugh your heart out. Oh... what a talent this man was! However, he passed away at quite a young age, 43. I was in primary school and I can remember the blanket of sadness covering the whole nation when people heard the sad news. It was like we can never have anyone so talented anymore. How true... I don't think anyone have the same magical touch... that touches the hearts of young and old. And amazingly, most of his films are evergreen!

Back to my story... I saw one of the Bujang Lapok - Aziz Satar. I thought Amir would really be happy. I told him and he was very excited. He rushed to meet Pak Aziz and with his dad, he took a photo with Pak Aziz Satar. He was really happy and glad. He wanted to upload on his facebook!

I was thinking.. what was so special? Of course, he was one of THE Bujang Lapok but he is no more famous. But the fact that he is the link to the past is what makes him so special. A past, left as memories - forgotten and unforgotten as we can be selective. A past to a man who was quite special... P. Ramlee. And I guess, anything that is not accessible is invaluable! And I believe for Aziz Satar, his experience working with P.Ramlee creates a legacy of its own.

I heard that P. Ramlee was a kind man. I also heard that he used to give a portion of his money to charity when at that time, they were paid little. May Allah accepts his good deeds and kind heart to kindly forgives him for whatever evil all these film business had caused him.

My new toy

I've always love to be ahead of technology...well, not really. I mean, I love to be ahead of this gadget thing. Today, I received my second macbook and this time is a macbook pro. I was thinking.. you can never catchup with these laptops. When you buy a very expensive laptop, in a few years, it will be cheap and there's no more thrill having it. So when will you achieve your satisfaction? The answer is "never". I know it but it still doesn't bother me to get this new machine. When I was about to buy a new laptop (when I lost my laptop in the lab during my PhD years), my supervisor, Ian said "get a mac and you'll never switch back". I do believe there is some truth in it...because although mac is hardly used in my university and it is a bit difficult to work back and forth from one machine to another when everyone uses microsoft, I still find mac irresistible due to its beautiful interface and slick keyboard. It is true when someone says "mac is like a mercedes" to me and I smiled, feeling satisfied! So tonight I am typing on my new machine and happy, feeling like a little girl getting her new toy! It is funny when you realize that the girl in you will always be there and it feels good to have that little girl in there - Makes you feel young and lively, isn't it. For the next few days/months,

I hope to enjoy this new toy and discover a whole new horizon, insya'Allah. Remember when you were young..how long can your new toy last? I remember my dolls ... they usually end up under the bed or hidden somewhere forgotten... But well, I hope this one will last very very long... and I can see some eyes are already watching closely.....

My Trip to Medan

My mother has a sister in Medan. I was browsing the internet and suddently had a idea..why don't I take my mom to visit her sister. It is my intention to make her happy and to please her always. For children to please a mom is an easy task. More often that not, we are too busy to please them although a phone call is easy to make and would make them very happy. Everytime when we call her, she will tell others about it. My mom - she will never ask for anything. Whenever I go any where and ask her what she wants, she will say.. "nothing. I only want you to be safe". May Allah bless my mom for being so kind to us. So that is why I decided to take her and my sister to see my aunt in Medan.

It was a good flight. My regret was only that I did not request for a wheel chair for mom. She said it is alright for her to walk and not to worry. I forgot that my mom will never ask.. she would say ok until it is too much to take. When we reach there, my aunt was already waiting. We stayed at her place as a gesture of respect and of course, it would mean saving lots of money and perhaps spending the money saved on shopping ;-)

Medan is not like Bandung. It is not heaven for shoppers. There was not many choices and there were too many walking-the-street sellers selling all sorts of goodies to you. It was rather annoying but I guess, the style was everywhere in Indonesia. You just have to make the most of it and look at the bright side. Which bright side? I don't have the answer!

It is good to take Amir to Medan. The time when we were about to go to the airport for our departure, we saw chidren, ages 5-12 begged on the street. They knocked car windows and ask for money. We watched from afar as they did not come to our window. THey tried their luck while the traffic lights were still on red. Amir watched. I hope he realised that not many children are as lucky as he is. I know he had seen it on TV but never on real life. It should be an eye opening event for him.

I guess Amir experienced lot so things.. things he take for granted are actually not available for many people there. You can see that people are striving for their living. In the area that we stayed - many houses are converted into a shop. They will do just about anything - according to their specialization, of course! When we reach there, Amir's first question was "Is there any cyber cafes?" I thought the answer would probably be "NO" but to my surprise, there are!!! Of course, my aunt and auntie do not know about these cyber cafes but Amir roamed around. He found so many cyber cafes around the vicinity. In fact, the nearest was only about 300meters away. So Amir killed his luxurious time at the nearby cyber cafes playing his games. And it was very cheap... only around 3000 rupiahs about RM1 per hour.

Well.. i did not let him spend too much time playing games. Most of the time, he'll be at home with us including spending his time, talking to my uncle. My uncle is a real scientist. He is an old man in his late 60s or early 70s. I forgot to ask about his age. There was a picture of him when he was still a baby in his dad's arm. He has the Pangeran Deponegoro's blood (the ??th generation) - the Javanese warrior who fights against the Dutch. He told us his stories... how he went to school and the parents spoke dutch at home but was never taught dutch. So when he was young, he can understand but cannot speak the language. Now, he forgot the language because not many indonesians speaks dutch anymore. He told us the difference between the dutch and the british colonies. How they ruled the country and how they treated the people. The dutches took almost everything and left them with nothing. Not even knowledge! They make the people feel like they can't do anything and that they should rely on other people. I believe many successful Indonesians are those who realise the trick and believe that they should improve. I believe my uncle is one of them. He is a famacist and is very knowledgable about chemicals and herbal medicine. I envy him for his knowledge and admire his passion for reading. Amazing man! Amir was impressed too!

Nowadays, although the country is rather poor in general, but the people are working very hard. They are very creative. If you go to their shops, you can see all sorts of fashion, for children or adults. I was really amazed of the designs that they come out with. Very fashionable and stylish and they have them matched in terms of color and fabric from head to toe. Yes.. they are quite fashionable people. But of course, the taste of fashion is a bit different in Malaysia. But in general, I believe they are very creative people.

I guess the best part for everyone was Danau Toba. The lake is huge. You can't see the other side of the lake - 100 by 30kms. It was created when there was a supervolcanic eruption which happens around 70,000 years ago. That is what people say. In the middle of it, is Samosir island. We rode the public ferry because it was cheaper but I regreted because as for other public transportations in Indonesia, you cannot expect much from them. I just can't stand the dangdut music that was too loud. Other passengers were enjoying it I guess! They didn't look like they suffer much like I was! Yes, dangdut can kill me ;-(

To me, the best part of the trip was the food. We were usually served with food cooked by my cousin. She is a lawyer and has a firm there. She practised law with her husband. THey are doing very well, in fact! Before going to work, she will cook for us. Oh.. I love the food. She can cook the Minang style or the Batak style. I don't ask much when I love the food because I will keep myself busy with eating and enjoying the provision Allah keep for me. If I don't like the food, I will eat less and talk more ;-)

The night of the departure, they sent us to the airport. The airport was small and they can't go in and we had to say goodbye at the door. We hugged each other and was really satisfied with the hospitality that was given to us. Not many people would allow others to interupt their lives for 5 days and constantly entertaining us. We hugged each other and say good bye. Although I did not buy much and had limited time shopping (which I wish I was given more time or the shopping malls are bigger), I was happy as I believe I have made my mom happy. Isn't that what this trip is all about? And I saw my mom was smiling while walking to the plane! Gosh! I wish I had requested the wheel chair this time!!