When the mind works....

I had an argument regarding a matter with someone a few years back when it seems impossible to convince him to see things my way. He just saw it differently. I used different tactics to make him see through my eyes and it just couldn't get through. Time and time again I would bring up the matter to remind him but to no avail. There are many issues actually, and they are all interrelated. Only last night, after a deep conversation, it pulled through. He finally was convinced. He sees it all. With an open heart, he admitted that I was right all along. It was like his mind was twisted and he can't see things straight. It was sort of a revelation, I reckon!

Why do we see things differently? Why can't we all accept things as they are and not think too much until we can't see the obvious? This is the trick of the mind -  People's mind is a complicated thing.. we don't know how people perceive things as it is all in the mind. There is a saying "A man is infinitely more complicated than his thoughts." and to me, it is the mind that complicate things or men. We always have the choice to see things as is. But when one thinks too deep, that when troubles come. 


Let's talk about fate which can be a good example. Fate is something beyond our grasp and Allah knows best. So, we are asked to make du'a/supplication to Him although we know that everything is decreed but as muslims, we should not lose hope. We should not question matters beyond our boundaries like - 
why we have to make du'a whilst everything is all decreed? Where is the will of men to determined where he wants to go and what he wants to do?  How come if all is decreed, we are still judged by Him? 


These questions are dangerous to our faith. If you think too much of them, the devil might trick you into thinking that it is unfair to be judged by something that is predestined. Suffice for muslims to believe that Allah is just. It must be an unconditional TRUST.  Allah says in the holy Quran, 


"Allah is never unjust not even of the weight of an atom (or a small ant)" (Quran 4:40). 


"We shall set up scales of justice for the day of Judgement, so that not a soul will be dealt with unjustly in the least. And if there be (no more than) the weight of a mustard seed, we will bring it (to account) and enough are we to take account" (21:47).


The precision is apparent. Therefore, when it comes to fate, mere common sense will not work. A famous scholar once said that common sense/logic is like a piece of wood floating in the ocean. You can hang on to it for a while but there is a bigger force that you can't beat.


Allah descent His book and prophet's teachings as our guidelines, as a reference to survive in the "Big Ocean". With our limited knowledge in religion, we are bound to commit sins. Let's not only use our own mind/mere logic to deal with any issue because we can be tricked. Seeking knowledge is the best to guide us to the truth and indeed, it is Allah who guides us but our job to seek knowledge. If Allah loves us, He will give us comprehension of the religion.


Therefore, when he admitted that he was wrong all along, it was not a victory to me as he was not really conceding to defeat. It was  a brave confession. To me, I took it as a sheer relieve - at last, someone see my point! I can't help my mind (the complicated engine)  from going into a swirl of questionings - what if I was also wrong? Can it be that I was the one who got tricked? What if there was some truth in his perception? What if he is also right as conditions change and flexibility is permitted in some situations. What if I was being too judgmental and rigid. How do I know that I am right? These questions keep coming to me, bombarding, one after another. Then I come into realization that we can't be too sure of anything in life. Allah ingrained in our hearts conscience to guide us through -  in addition to the Quran and Hadith as our manual. With all those equipments, we will not only survive but victorious, as well. And if you are seeking truth all the time, Allah will help.     


So in the car, I asked him.. "What makes you realize after all these years that you are wrong about this?" He replied, ".. through thinking and thinking".  I can't say anything anymore. I let my mind do the talking.... and "Hmmm....", I replied ;-) 

May you rest in peace! Ameen

I was recently told about the death of a newly graduated doctor who studied in Sheffield, UK. I read his blog which was written very well. I believe most of the medical students are well trained due to their assignments and number of case studies they had to cover - well, they are excellent students or else they won't get into medical schools. This brother, Mas Afzal had blood cancer and once diagnosed, he started writing his blog, sharing his experiences and moments with family and friends. There are many cancer patients linking themselves to his blog, sharing their strength and trust in God. In his last entry before he was terminally ill, he talked about his mom - how she had stayed by him during the hard times without complaining. Ya.. many people are fortunate to have mom's love - loving you without conditions. I read with tears in my eyes. magine the effort he had made to write at those difficult hours. Despite that young age, he is stronger than most .. always expressing his gratitude despite his condition.


I remember in one of the inspiring speeches given by Dr. Tareq Suwaidan, he said there was a time when Umar r.a., the prophet's sahabah sent a group of men to support a battle against the Roman. In that battle, he told the leader that he was sending 40,000 men. When the leader counted the men sent, there was only 10,000. When Umar was asked where are the rest of the men, he said, among those men, there are 4 whom each represents 10,000 men. Imagine how one man can be as strong of 10,000 men? Dr. Tareq Suwaidan added, most men now don't even add up to 1. Funny eh? So what happened to us? Strength in this context doesn't only refer to physical state. During the time of the prophet and sahabah, strength would also mean the state of IMAN and TRUST in Allah. Therefore, when you add all that to their physical being, they become undefeatable. Even if they are defeated in a battlefield, they are  considered martyrs - a dream of all believers. Win or lose, you will be victorious anyway!


However, we don't fight in battlefields. We fight against many things in our lives. Some fight against their own desires whilst some had to fight against terminal diseases like Cancer (I used a capital C because he used to refer it as Big C). Brother Mas Afzal passed away at 26. He fought all through, knowing for sure that his way was surely not the primrose way, everything is determined by The Almighty and decreed by Him - good or bad. He said, "Allah surely has  unique ways of showing His love, and I hope I will not lose my chance...". Such wise words... It is true that difficulties take people closer to Him. When we see people died at that young age, automatically our mind might think.. ahh, what a waste!!! There's so much to miss.... all the things that he could do like working, getting married, having children, building family, career and what not. But is that what life is all about?


Allah says in the Holy Quran, (3:185),
"Every soul shall have a taste of death! All of you shall get your full recompense only on the Day of Resurrection. Then only those will be Truly Successful, who escape the Fire of Hell and is admitted to the Gardens! As regards the life of this world, it is merely a thing that deceives! "


This is the true meaning of success - whether or not you escape from the torment of hellfire and be able to enter the gardens of delight... Allah's great heaven (Jannah). To enter Jannah, one needs a lot of perseverance, sacrifices, kindness to people and good relation with Allah. Are you establishing good relation with Allah? How about your relation with people? Do you love others enough? Do you love fellow muslims as we were told to? With SALAM, we spread love among muslims. Imam Muslim reported that our prophet p.b.u.h. said, 


"I swear by The One whose hand my soul is in that you will not enter paradise until you believe. And you won't be believed until you love one another." 


Only Allah knows what's in the heart but we, as human being, can only judge people by what they do. We can only see the obvious ones unless we are truly close. So how did this young man live his life? 


This young doctor - although he passed away at a young age - might have more good deeds than many of us. He was actively involved in dakwah activities - enjoining the good and forbidding the evil. One of his last assignment was an invitation as a guest speaker for 2 days at a camp. Despite of his health condition and difficulties, he accepted the invitation. Imagine, he had to commute from his house that would take around 45 minutes and not only once but four times to be with the group at the camp. Amazing as it seems, at that young age, he might have collected better points than us... some of us live for ourselves. Let us ask ourselves if we had done anything for others lately? Have we benefited from the hours given to us? If only we think and reflect how precious these hours are especially to those who had been diagnosed with terminal illnesses. Think about it! Can we be more beneficial? Can we give without thinking whether or not we will be receiving anything back other than Allah's love? If we can do that, that's really good news and we must be doing ok.


So when he passed away, comments came pouring into his websites - from family and friends, near and far- sharing news and their grieves. Everyone talked about how great he was as a friend, a student, a relative and most importantly, as a believer of faith. There was also a lady who talked about how she was helped by brother Afzal even when she was a stranger to him. With all these good words, I believe they become his witnesses of his good deeds. And these witnesses are what we needed most .. at the time when none can help but your own deeds. Allah says in the holy Quran (46:19), 


"And for all are degrees according to what they did, and that He may pay them back fully their deeds and they shall not be wronged".

Therefore, we are advised to use our time wisely for there are many who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses and would love to have more time to serve Him. To live our lives to the fullest is to serve Him well and loving Allah unconditionally more than the love of a mom to a son. When you look at the sky, how beautiful it is in the morning or during the sunset, take a deep breath and feel Allah's love. You can feel that it is overflowing in your heart. It is undescribable. Look at the shapes of the clouds and the landscape of the sky and just admire how beautiful it is. Do this in the car everyday you commute to work... look up there and feel the love of God, creeping into your blood. How much love can you feel? Can you not feel the abundance and overflowing love? Can you not feel the tremendous feeling that is just too intense? How does it feel like to be Muhammad p.b.u.h., His beloved, to have seen God in person. He must have felt so much more than us... , even greater than we could imagine.

So I believe for people who love Allah and whose life is devoted to Him and Him alone, there is no regret in anything that happened in life.. Come what may! They will not fear death, but even waiting longingly for the moment when he is called. He will smile when the angle whisper solftly in their ears,

"O sacred spirit, return to your Creater, satisfied and well-pleased" (89:27-28). 

Al-fatihah to the soul of brother Mas Afzal, May you rest in peace, enjoying Allah's love and mercy in abundance! 

Your values... don't let go!!

I was watching Oprah a few days back when she invited a lady, ex-wife to a politician. It was interesting. When it comes to Oprah, I should be selective. Some or the values presented are not suitable for muslims.. especially when it comes to promoting fashion, western values and the like. What I love about her shows are the things you learn from real-life experience people went through. The lady guest [let's keep her anonymous] was cheated by her husband. She wrote a book about her journey of overcoming her frustrations. She said there was no regrets, no anger, no grudge but only pain. Yes, she was hurt but all through that ordeal, she kept herself focused on what was most important - her children. She controlled herself so well. When she spoke about her experience, you can see that she is a very stable person - she was handling it brilliantly.

Not many people can go through trials with a sane mind. For people of faith, we should be able to have a high degree of control of our feelings and actions.  All through her pain, she was actually trying to hold on to her marriage.. making it works, believing in the tradition that she loves so much and the values that she adores. Yes, she was conservative. She believe in marriage and abide to the vows. Should we not?

TRUST in marriage is a big thing. To me, this lady is very strong and not many are as strong. At time of trials and tribulations, you needed faith or trust in Allah the most. Having to go through the ordeal and keeping a sane and focused mind makes her very special... you can say, ooh, I can do that too. But don't say that until you are tested. I believe it is not easy. Of course, like she said, the most hurt are the children. But that's life - you don't get bright colors and twinkling stars every day... and we just have to accept it as it comes. By the way, the book is entitled "Keeping true".  And I don't think anyone can overcome these trials without having faith in God - Islam, Christian whatever your religion is.

I was reading "Don't be sad", a book written so beautifully and a MUST HAVE for every muslim household. If you are sad, read the book. The words are so nicely written. Yes... why do we have to be sad? The author says, put it in your mind TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF YOUR LIFE so you'll make it worth your while. if today is your last, you won't be wasting it on feeling bad but you will make the most of everything that you have around you. If one goes wrong, the others are still ok. There are too many bounties to count and Allah is giving them to you without even you asking for them. So why then should you be sad? I don't know.. perhaps, you just have too much of self pity, that's why!

Don't you feel like when you are mad, you want to scream? Don't you feel like you want to overcome the whole problem now and then and carry on with your life? Do you feel like you want to settle things once and for all? Then how can some people keep themselves sane if the whole thing takes a long time or might even take most of your lifetime? I believe we should self train own mind. Tell the mind things that can make it focus - your priorities in life.. be it your children, your health, your business, your career - you name it. I am not only talking about marriage here... trials can be anything. Some people keep their sanity by keeping busy - good. Some eat a lot and get fat - not good. Some sleep the whole day - not so good.

So what is the best medicine? I don't have the answer to the question.. it all depends on your situation. But one thing for sure is to go back to Your Lord... because He welcomes you with open arms although you keep forgetting Him. And the best way to go back to Him is to seclude yourself... take sometime away from people...

People can harm you especially in your remembrance of Allah. With their praises, you can get carried away. With their charm, you might forget yourself. So isolation can be beneficial to be able to talk to Him sincerely. Some people love to get themselves known and so, they can collect as many friends. To them, making friends are appreciating love and that is good. Sometimes, too much love can spoil you. People of faith are selective in making friends... if you are not careful, they can drag you down.. unless you are an angel - untouchable. I've seen people making friends without thinking.. liking him or her in the virtual world without thinking of your values or principles. You want to do DAKWAH and at the end, you will become bankrupt of good deeds because you are sinning and get caught in chain of sins [When you make error and others follow]. Again.. you forgot your values!!!

Ibn Thymiyah said {in Don't be Sad},
"At times, it is necessary for the worshiper to be isolated from others in order to pray, remember Allah, recite the Quran and evaluate himself and his deeds. Also, isolation allows one to supplicate, seek forgiveness, stay away from evil and so on". These can help you to keep sane.

So when Oprah asked her.. "What was your regret?" Without hesitation, she replied, "Not leaving sooner than I did - But that was because of my TRUST in my values and holding on to them ".

Thank you Allah for yesterday when I was young

It is amazing when you look back and think of the years you have left behind, and of course, not knowing what is left. At times, you have to pinch yourself and look in the mirror to see how old you are [not much difference eh?] as you are always the same at heart. Of course, with some revelation in life, you improve in many ways due to the knowledge gained and confidence accumulated along the way. That should make you smile in realizing how incredible life has been. In this life, we are given a certain amount and we cannot have it all at once. God knows how easy we can deviate and be ungrateful to Him.

Saidina Ali said "if you were given the scroll of fate and see what was decreed in your life, you will not want to change a thing". Despite the pain memories, bad decision, wrong calculations and what not, they were all added to your store of values. These values made you and everyday you are living by these values.

Relationships, how good or bad - they are in the store too.. building your character as they influence you, one way or another. People change through time with all these values accumulating and changing, adapting to situations in life. How many times people change your mind about something? See how powerful interactions are? Your principles - they can remain the same or they can be improved...  as you re-evaluates your values as knowledge and experience added to your store!! Hopefully, good values stays. This is the process of maturity... and as time goes by, people change. Relationships change. Faces change. Nothing endures but change.

Is it a sad thing to change? Not really. In most cases, changes can mean a good thing. Whatever experience you have in life - good or bad - they are generally good, ain't it? All those thousand dreams that you dreamed but never achieved, they help you inspired. All those foolish games you play, they help you learn a trick. The love games you play and got hurt, they teach you to be wiser. No matter what you do before, there is always lessons to learn. If there is anything that you regret, let it be... leave yesterday as today can be your last. Like Anne said, "Life is too short to hold grudges" but if things are too much to handle, take a walk or better still, a vacation!

So when I look back to the years when I was young..things were sweet. I remember myself being a naive girl, who were forced to be independent when I left the nest of my family flying far to the United States at a very young age. So when I hear this song... it really clings to the heart. How true!! How careless we can be when we were young.....



"It seems the love I've known,
has always been the most destructive kind.
I guess that's why now,
I feel so old before my time."

Yesterday, when I was young,
The taste of life was sweet, as rain upon my tongue,
I teased at life, as if it were a foolish game,
The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned,
I always built, alas, on weak and shifting sand,
I lived by night, and shunned the naked light of day,
And only now, I see, how the years ran away

Yesterday, when I was young,
So many happy songs were waiting to be sung,
So many wild pleasures lay in store for me,
And so much pain, my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time, and youth at last ran out,
I never stopped to think, what life, was all about,
And every conversation, I can now recall,
Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all

Yesterday, the moon was blue,
And every crazy day, brought something new to do,
I used my magic age, as if it were a wand,
And never saw the worst, and the emptiness beyond

The game of love I played, with arrogance and pride,
And every flame I lit, too quickly, quickly died,
The friends I made, all seemed somehow to drift away,
And only I am left, on stage to end the play

There are so many songs in me, that won't be sung,
I feel the bitter taste, of tears upon my tongue,
The time has come for me to pay,
For yesterday, when I was young

There is some truth in the song.. I believe normal people go through similar process - making mistakes and mend them... So Allah take youth and give you wisdom - What a great exchange! Should we not be grateful???  So when I look into the mirror, I always say "THANK YOU ALLAH FOR YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG".

Indeed, we have to be among the grateful ones.

A link to the past

I did a lot of travelling lately. Sometimes, in a week, I had to go to  KL twice - attending all sorts of seminar, courses and what not! Nowadays, traveling is easy nowadays due to the R & Rs along the PLUS highway. I remember those days when we travelled, mom had to pack some food so that we can stop to eat.. of course, we had to select somewhere nice (usually a bit off the road -a comfortable place to sit and eat together like a picnic.) Now, we don't have to pack food because there are many choices at the stop areas.

So last week, we were at one of the R&Rs when I  saw an actor who was famous in my childhood. He used to act with P. Ramlee. Who does not know P. Ramlee? Even my son, Amir loves him. He don't usually watch Malay movies but he loves him anyway. We enjoyed watching some of the films especially "Seniman Bujang Lapok". Even watching the same movie 10 or more times, you will still laugh your heart out. Oh... what a talent this man was! However, he passed away at quite a young age, 43. I was in primary school and I can remember the blanket of sadness covering the whole nation when people heard the sad news. It was like we can never have anyone so talented anymore. How true... I don't think anyone have the same magical touch... that touches the hearts of young and old. And amazingly, most of his films are evergreen!

Back to my story... I saw one of the Bujang Lapok - Aziz Satar. I thought Amir would really be happy. I told him and he was very excited. He rushed to meet Pak Aziz and with his dad, he took a photo with Pak Aziz Satar. He was really happy and glad. He wanted to upload on his facebook!

I was thinking.. what was so special? Of course, he was one of THE Bujang Lapok but he is no more famous. But the fact that he is the link to the past is what makes him so special. A past, left as memories - forgotten and unforgotten as we can be selective. A past to a man who was quite special... P. Ramlee. And I guess, anything that is not accessible is invaluable! And I believe for Aziz Satar, his experience working with P.Ramlee creates a legacy of its own.

I heard that P. Ramlee was a kind man. I also heard that he used to give a portion of his money to charity when at that time, they were paid little. May Allah accepts his good deeds and kind heart to kindly forgives him for whatever evil all these film business had caused him.

My new toy

I've always love to be ahead of technology...well, not really. I mean, I love to be ahead of this gadget thing. Today, I received my second macbook and this time is a macbook pro. I was thinking.. you can never catchup with these laptops. When you buy a very expensive laptop, in a few years, it will be cheap and there's no more thrill having it. So when will you achieve your satisfaction? The answer is "never". I know it but it still doesn't bother me to get this new machine. When I was about to buy a new laptop (when I lost my laptop in the lab during my PhD years), my supervisor, Ian said "get a mac and you'll never switch back". I do believe there is some truth in it...because although mac is hardly used in my university and it is a bit difficult to work back and forth from one machine to another when everyone uses microsoft, I still find mac irresistible due to its beautiful interface and slick keyboard. It is true when someone says "mac is like a mercedes" to me and I smiled, feeling satisfied! So tonight I am typing on my new machine and happy, feeling like a little girl getting her new toy! It is funny when you realize that the girl in you will always be there and it feels good to have that little girl in there - Makes you feel young and lively, isn't it. For the next few days/months,

I hope to enjoy this new toy and discover a whole new horizon, insya'Allah. Remember when you were young..how long can your new toy last? I remember my dolls ... they usually end up under the bed or hidden somewhere forgotten... But well, I hope this one will last very very long... and I can see some eyes are already watching closely.....

My Trip to Medan

My mother has a sister in Medan. I was browsing the internet and suddently had a idea..why don't I take my mom to visit her sister. It is my intention to make her happy and to please her always. For children to please a mom is an easy task. More often that not, we are too busy to please them although a phone call is easy to make and would make them very happy. Everytime when we call her, she will tell others about it. My mom - she will never ask for anything. Whenever I go any where and ask her what she wants, she will say.. "nothing. I only want you to be safe". May Allah bless my mom for being so kind to us. So that is why I decided to take her and my sister to see my aunt in Medan.

It was a good flight. My regret was only that I did not request for a wheel chair for mom. She said it is alright for her to walk and not to worry. I forgot that my mom will never ask.. she would say ok until it is too much to take. When we reach there, my aunt was already waiting. We stayed at her place as a gesture of respect and of course, it would mean saving lots of money and perhaps spending the money saved on shopping ;-)

Medan is not like Bandung. It is not heaven for shoppers. There was not many choices and there were too many walking-the-street sellers selling all sorts of goodies to you. It was rather annoying but I guess, the style was everywhere in Indonesia. You just have to make the most of it and look at the bright side. Which bright side? I don't have the answer!

It is good to take Amir to Medan. The time when we were about to go to the airport for our departure, we saw chidren, ages 5-12 begged on the street. They knocked car windows and ask for money. We watched from afar as they did not come to our window. THey tried their luck while the traffic lights were still on red. Amir watched. I hope he realised that not many children are as lucky as he is. I know he had seen it on TV but never on real life. It should be an eye opening event for him.

I guess Amir experienced lot so things.. things he take for granted are actually not available for many people there. You can see that people are striving for their living. In the area that we stayed - many houses are converted into a shop. They will do just about anything - according to their specialization, of course! When we reach there, Amir's first question was "Is there any cyber cafes?" I thought the answer would probably be "NO" but to my surprise, there are!!! Of course, my aunt and auntie do not know about these cyber cafes but Amir roamed around. He found so many cyber cafes around the vicinity. In fact, the nearest was only about 300meters away. So Amir killed his luxurious time at the nearby cyber cafes playing his games. And it was very cheap... only around 3000 rupiahs about RM1 per hour.

Well.. i did not let him spend too much time playing games. Most of the time, he'll be at home with us including spending his time, talking to my uncle. My uncle is a real scientist. He is an old man in his late 60s or early 70s. I forgot to ask about his age. There was a picture of him when he was still a baby in his dad's arm. He has the Pangeran Deponegoro's blood (the ??th generation) - the Javanese warrior who fights against the Dutch. He told us his stories... how he went to school and the parents spoke dutch at home but was never taught dutch. So when he was young, he can understand but cannot speak the language. Now, he forgot the language because not many indonesians speaks dutch anymore. He told us the difference between the dutch and the british colonies. How they ruled the country and how they treated the people. The dutches took almost everything and left them with nothing. Not even knowledge! They make the people feel like they can't do anything and that they should rely on other people. I believe many successful Indonesians are those who realise the trick and believe that they should improve. I believe my uncle is one of them. He is a famacist and is very knowledgable about chemicals and herbal medicine. I envy him for his knowledge and admire his passion for reading. Amazing man! Amir was impressed too!

Nowadays, although the country is rather poor in general, but the people are working very hard. They are very creative. If you go to their shops, you can see all sorts of fashion, for children or adults. I was really amazed of the designs that they come out with. Very fashionable and stylish and they have them matched in terms of color and fabric from head to toe. Yes.. they are quite fashionable people. But of course, the taste of fashion is a bit different in Malaysia. But in general, I believe they are very creative people.

I guess the best part for everyone was Danau Toba. The lake is huge. You can't see the other side of the lake - 100 by 30kms. It was created when there was a supervolcanic eruption which happens around 70,000 years ago. That is what people say. In the middle of it, is Samosir island. We rode the public ferry because it was cheaper but I regreted because as for other public transportations in Indonesia, you cannot expect much from them. I just can't stand the dangdut music that was too loud. Other passengers were enjoying it I guess! They didn't look like they suffer much like I was! Yes, dangdut can kill me ;-(

To me, the best part of the trip was the food. We were usually served with food cooked by my cousin. She is a lawyer and has a firm there. She practised law with her husband. THey are doing very well, in fact! Before going to work, she will cook for us. Oh.. I love the food. She can cook the Minang style or the Batak style. I don't ask much when I love the food because I will keep myself busy with eating and enjoying the provision Allah keep for me. If I don't like the food, I will eat less and talk more ;-)

The night of the departure, they sent us to the airport. The airport was small and they can't go in and we had to say goodbye at the door. We hugged each other and was really satisfied with the hospitality that was given to us. Not many people would allow others to interupt their lives for 5 days and constantly entertaining us. We hugged each other and say good bye. Although I did not buy much and had limited time shopping (which I wish I was given more time or the shopping malls are bigger), I was happy as I believe I have made my mom happy. Isn't that what this trip is all about? And I saw my mom was smiling while walking to the plane! Gosh! I wish I had requested the wheel chair this time!!

ANGRY ANYONE? JOIN THE CLUB!!

I am very angry at the moment. Someone had just gone overboard. Some people can be very insensitive with other people's feeling that they only think of themselves. It is easy to live your live with yourself only without having to worry about anything else in the world. Go ahead.. live with ownself, your hobby.. your favourite stuff.. your preferred style.. see if anyone cares. But is it the a good way of life? Shouldn't we call it IRRESPONSIBLE!!! If only I can shout very loudly onto the person's ears so that the person will wake up to realise that there are others who's life was effected by the actions.

It is easy to get angry but to calm down, takes a long time.. sometimes almost FOREVER. But the prophet says that a strong man is not those who wrestle well, but those who can prevent themselves from getting angry. So I concluded that I am not that strong. However, I think I will swallow my anger for the time being. See how things improve!!!!

May Allah give me strength.. AMEEN

Giving Charity

I am feeling rather sad as Ramadhan is leaving. Perhaps many of us feel secure that Ramadhan will come again next year but will it, in our lifetime? As we can't predict or should I ask if the advance technology can ever predict the time when our soul leaves the body? I don't think so. Anyway, it is good to do good deeds while you are still alive and one of them is giving charity - which shouldn't wait. Some people wait until they die and put in their will that some of the wealth goes to charity. That is ok too but it is better to do it now and then.

Giving charity is quite complicated. At times, you are tested and do not know whether to give or not to give. For example, while you are eating at a comfortable restaurant, someone came to you and ask for money. He looked perfectly well. Should you give or should you not? You might want to keep your integrity by giving some money and the only change in your pocket is RM50 and a 50cent coin. What should you do?

Yes.. when Allah tell us to give charity, He said, "[9:60] Charities(Sadaqaat) shall go to the poor, the needy, the workers who collect them, the new converts, to free the slaves, to those burdened by sudden expenses, in the cause of Allah, and to the traveling alien. Such is GOD's commandment. GOD is Omniscient, Most Wise". He did not mentioned the situations and how much should you give. But then, He sent his messenger as to guide us to do good. Our belover prophet, Muhammad (pbuh) never turn down any appeal for help. He would help and give charity without worrying having less. Can we not do the same?

Recently I heard a nice talk by Aagym, who gave this scenario. You are at a traffic light. A man came to you and ask for money. You adviced him, "Why don't you work and take care of your own living". The man grumbled and said that if you do not want to give, just keep your mouth shut. Then he went to the other car and ask for money. The man gave him some money. When the beggar left, you asked the man, "Why did you give him money". He said, "I heard that the prophet never turn down anyone's request, that is why I gave". Then you said proudly, "I give charity, in a form of advice". The man smiled and said, "Good but is it not better for you to give him some money first, and then give an advice". That way, he'll listen!

So the moral of the story is not to turn down any request of those who needs your help if you want to follow the sunnah.

Abdullah bin Mas’ud reported that the prophet S.A.S said, “There are three kinds of people who are loved by Allah, a man who gets up at night to read the Quran, a man who gives alms with his right hand so secretly that he conceals it from his left hand , and a man in a battalion who encounters an enemy when his companions are routed.”(the one who fights in the cause of Allah and shows courage and steadfastness)

Abu Hurayrah reported that the prophet S.A.S said, ” Charity is incumbent upon every human limb everyday. Bringing peace between two contending people is charity, helping a person to mount a camel or loading his baggage for him is charity, every step taken towards a mosque is charity, and removing anything from a roadway that causes an inconvenience is also charity.”

So what's the verdict. Should you give that RM50 or the 50cent? If you want it to come back in manifolds, which one would give you more? See, our Math can be deceiving!

Allah knows best.

O Allah.. I am submitting willingly

The noise of this busy life urges me to escape,

Searching for a place where my mind can be heard,

Where silence is a pearl kept hidden in its shell,

My path to that seclusion is a wondrous journey, I can tell.

Where can I find a serene place as a get-away,

When movements are stillness moving through time all day,

Crying aloud to You and begging You as I may,

That is my intention You know well without say,

For You are The Most High, created men from clay.

But all I could do is work – one task after another,

Not having time to pause and reflect but to continue no matter,

I ask myself if this is what my life is, forever and ever?

Until I meet You and realize my time is over.

O Allah, You test us with things to see if we persevere

Don't be sad, You said and do not fear,

Have we failed Your test as that can be a disaster,

We live with Your Mercy and kindness but Your wrath we most fear,

Your heaven is highly exquisite but Your hell is most severe,

Please take us away from Your anger and we'll repent over and over,

For today we promise to be good but our desire can always steer.

O Allah, they said life is nothing but negligence - is a sure thing,

Those sparkling and illuminating are all deceiving,

Tell me what is unreal and what is attainable - seems confusing,

For I do not know where my road is actually heading,

I wish for days where every moment is exhilarating,

I am crying for help as the evening dusk is approaching,

The night is embracing the day and the light is fading,

Time and time again my clock is ticking,

I am begging You and begging You again,

Help me O Allah, to You I am whispering,

Be close to You, to submit, I am willing.

"And all things in the heavens and the earth, willingly and unwillingly prostrating to Him (in obedience)" Quran,13:15.

An Unforgettable Independence Day...

There's nothing much to this Independence Day.. not that it is not that important but something of a greater magnitude is here, the Ramadhan month. Indeed, as it has been highlighted, Ramadhan is the best thing that can happen to us and having the Lailatul Qadar is even greater. As Ramadhan is a month where you busy yourself with your worship to God, some of the common activities are a bit neglected. So who cares if your house is abit messy, who cares if you can't prepare a great meal, who cares if you don't have time to prepare for the Eid - nobody cares. The most important is to optimise our time to do what all muslims should busy themselves with - the worshipping acts. "O Allah, have I done my best? What more should I do now? Please guide me, O my Lord.... help me to get Your blessings and mercy and to attain your forgiveness before Ramadhan went away. O Lord, Please give me more time.. " I repeatedly plead to Allah.

Every night usually we sleep quite late. Last night I was listening to a very inspiring talk by someone from Muamalat Bank who was talking about the miracle of charity. Then I dozed off.... and at around 4am, I woke up with a group of men including the police at my bedroom door. I thought they were thieves - but looking at the policeman, I believe there must be something wrong. We were dumbstruck when we discovered that our house was broken into.. we all went down and talk to the policemen and the neighbourhood security guys - Alhamdulillah...nothing was stolen as our next door neighbour came back just on time and saw a man getting out of my house. It was a trial to see if they can get in and indeed they got in after getting a key from the table near the sliding door. But they did not have enough time to do anything.

Subhanallah.. Allah is great! He protected us as He promised that if we sleep after reciting His holy verses, He will send His angles to guard the house - and indeed, we were protected. I had my handbag downstairs but nothing was taken. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

Abu al-‘Abbas ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas, radiyallahu anhuma, reported: One day I was behind the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, and he said to me:

He said, ""O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you (have need to) ask, ask of Allah; and if you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that even if the Nation (or the whole community) were to gather together to benefit you with something, they would not benefit you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with something, they would not be able to harm you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."


So on this Independence Day - 31 August 2010, I feel the highes of greatfulness to my Lord.. repeatedly I say and mean it in my heart..."O Allah, praise be to You... Praise be to You for having the independence and feeling of security and having provision under Your great protection." Allahu Akbar!!

A Quick Getaway....

My Swansea Sheikh reminded us of our flight.. that we are now on a journey - we are on a plane taking off and perhaps now we are among the clouds - travelling to a final destination. How long and short the journey is... Allah knows best.

Not many have the chance to travel and being able to get away from all the hassle and bustle of life is a great blessing. However, it is not so good to do it during Ramadhan, but at time, you can't help it especially when you unintentionally booked. Well, everything happens for good reasons.

I had the chance to go to Bandung.. a very nice old town in Indonesia. I don't know what to expect.. I believe good and bad are everywhere - "Ebony and Ivory", the good old song of the 80’s, remember? How long ago was that - I don't know and who's counting the years? I love Bandung for its old sturdy trees - they look serene and very welcoming, Masya'Allah.

Tourism is highly recommended by Islam. Allah asked us to travel through the earth to take lessons from the other people that came before us. People travel to gain knowledge, learn about history of others and there are too many things that can be learnt from your travel and I have learnt a lot from this one. Oh.. how different people are and how Great Allah is for creating us and posting us to many different parts of the planet earth, experiencing different ways of life. Although we might look the same (being Asian), indeed we are different in many ways. Being there (Bandung & Jakarta) during the fasting month is an experience. Let me just write some lessons learnt and points to ponder upon and this mere sharing of knowledge and experience is a crucial thing in life.

(1) We have to be very grateful to Allah for his bounties and blessings.. how easy our lives are. When you look at how people have to struggle to get food on the table everyday..you just can't stop uttering "Alhamdulillah". You can see their struggle by looking at their faces and the various ways they get their pocket filled - they'll do just about anything.. like singing on the bus, helping drivers to park or turn, beg - one of the ways to beg is by just jumping on any stopped vehicle and beg people for money. The country is huge but perhaps, the corruption problem is also huge. Allah has promised victory for those who follow the religion well, and no religion teaches their followers to do bad – and indeed, Islam comes to perfect our conducts and if you deviate from Islam, you will indeed suffer. I hope those who are living comfortably over there are able to share part of their wealth with the needy. Being poor is one thing but being in poverty is another..and I saw serious poverty problem there!

(2) Be kind to travelers. The family that we stayed with - they are very good people. The husband built his own family business because he doesn't want to be involved with corruption. He is among the few who fear Allah, If only the rest of them realize..... or are they not strong enough to fight with their own nafs?? The family’s hospitability was incredible.. food was prepared for iftar and sahur right on the dot… I was not allowed to help. May Allah reward them with lots of Kindness and Mercy. Luckily I was there for only 3 days.. I really do not want to exhaust my host especially in the month of fasting when one has to increase his/her ibadah (like Quran reading, supplementary prayers etc.).

(3) Plan your shopping well... organize your money well. I did not! I put my money everywhere.. at last, I found unused Rpssss in another wallet when I am already home. Ahhhh! I sighed aloud! But then, I thought - perhaps Allah wanted to tell me that I had enough already. And not to spend too much on things I don't need. I might say they are my needs but Allah knows best and yes, indeed He knows! And I know it too that those are not what I need but what I desire ;-). In fact, when I was doing my chores, it struck my mind how lucky for those who live simple lives – with less clothes to manage, small area to clean and just a few worries in their head. Some of us have 3-story house to clean, 10 wardrobes of clothing to manage and a lot of wealth to worry about. Pity them!!! Well, I know they must have many servants ;-) Managing servants can be a headache too ;-0

(4) When you are there, you'll be tested with beggars - never chase them away or curse them cause Allah sent them to enable you to do good deeds and test you. You need to trust that Allah rewards in multi-folds when you give charity. If you don’t want to give them due to some reasons (perhaps security), go to a mosque and give your charity there instead to compensate – never miss the opportunity to give charity. You will see beggars from all walks of life.. old and young, healthy and unhealthy, able and disable… you name it. Well, we have beggars here too. May Allah help us to be more charitable and help them to find ways to help themselves too. Ameen.

(5) In all situation, when you travel.. keep yourself in good mood. If anything bad happen, have patience. Sometimes, impatience can kill.. kill your mood, I mean! So keep a positive mind and teach yourself to be more tolerant with difficulties. It is not easy to travel on foreign land.. with foreign money, eating foreign food, speaking foreign language.. but Allah creates people in different races/tribes so that you will get to know each other, right? So never look down on others.. .. only Allah knows who is better among us.

(6) Be careful.. keep your things safe. Don’t show others what you have or you might be in trouble – especially the highly valued items. You don’t know the place – so, it is better to play it safe. If you have an expensive camera, leave it. Just take an ordinary camera with you.

(7) Most importantly, watch your prayers and keep dua that you will be safe till you reach home. Prayers are the only thing that keeps you in touch with your Lord – you would love to have your celcom line to be available wherever you go.. so keep your line with Allah clear too! Don’t keep yourself busy with Dunia only.. (well,don’t think of it as a Dunia activity.. while you do shopping, you can buy presents for your family and friends) life should be a balance scale..remember? Also take your Quran with you.. if you can carry 2 or 3 loads of goodies, CAN you NOT carry a Quran… your life manual? Don’t leave home without it!!!

Let us all implore Allah to earnestly guide us all to the best and to reward us for whatever good deeds we do for His sake. Allah Almighty says: (Say (O Muhammad): Travel in the land and see how He originated creation, then Allah bringeth forth the later growth. Lo! Allah is Able to do all things)(Al-`Ankabut 29:20).

When we walk on planet earth now, we should be thinking of all the blessings that He bestowed upon us.. where are we heading and what we really need in life. We are travellers in a true sense - stopping for a while to collect some good things to carry along.. these good things that we have collected - how are we presenting them to Allah - with pride? If not, we better start being selective.. taking only the best with us.. as the plane cannot carry all the garbage you have - like I said, only the good ones. So when the pilot announce that we will be arriving soon, we all want to smile and say.. Yes, Allah - we are ready and eager to meet You!!! If only we ponder more and reflect. Wallahu'Alam. Allah knows best!

IT WAS ONLY A GAME

My nieces and nephew came back this weekend and we decided to go for a bowling game again. Being very young, they don't score much. What a waste of money! Naaaah... althought the ball usually ends up in the gutter, they always enjoy bowling and it is a pleasure to make them happy. They are adorable. So we went - the 5 of us including 2 nieces who are still too young to play but they usually will roam around, climbing and busy themselves with all sorts of activities in the room.

We were playing as usual and this time, they scored well. For the first throw, Adam scored 9 which was excellent for a boy his age, 8 yrs old. So we played and I can see everyone showing better performance than before. Suddenly this man (in his 50's i would guess) who was playing next to us with his friends told me to make sure that the children do not distract them - they are having a match. I looked at the man and smile. I can't say anything but feeling sorry for him. His words were not good - the way he said it did not show any compassion towards children. At his age, I expect something better than that. Well, I know we made a mistake but we are talking about kids here, come on!

How many of us have this passion for children. We need to love them.. teach them things they don't know. If we teach them well, they'll grow up to be fine men and women. They are our hopes - our future. Even the prophet would let his grandson climb his back and horse him around. How passionate he was with children. He always show his affection towards children. He would kiss them, comb their hair with his fingcers, play with them and most of all, he enjoyed having them around. If we don't have love for them, who will they turn to for love? Once you establish the love and affection, it is easy to teach them out of trust and respect.

The man reported us to the manager and we were asked to change lane with someone else, with our perminssion of course. We don't mind - had to play a whole new game again. The children followed my instruction and I told them to have patience. My niece was furious because her score was better before. This time around, we played with less spirit. The balls ended in the gutter more often than before. It is not fair to deprive the children from their rights of having fun. They continue playing for the sake of filling the empty slots with some scores - mostly 0. I believe those mature man who were having their match were acting selfish. We looked at them with dissatisfaction.. I watched them play from afar. Before throwing the ball, some would look further down the lane at the pins as if they were going to swallow them. I saw all sorts of style and the throws were quite powerful compared to ours - my niece's ball would go straight at first but as it approaches the pins, it loses its momentum and....(I don't think I have to finish my sentence). They were serious. For myself, I it doesn't really matter. If the ball ends up in the gutter, I don't have to worry. I don't mind and my team won't mind either. We were there to have fun. To us, it was only a game.

I was just wondering, "If people can be so serious in a game, can they not be serious in seeking Allah's pleasure?"

Allaah says:
“And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him (in Islam), before the torment comes upon you, then you will not be helped. And follow the best of that which is sent downto you from your Lord (i.e. this Qur’an, do what it orders you to do and keep away from what it forbids), before the torment comes on you suddenly while you perceive not.” (Az-Zumar 39:54-55).

SOMETHING GREAT IS COMING THIS WAY ;-)

I wanted to continue with my series of lecture on THE GLORY OF ISLAM - ISLAM IS REVIVING when they asked me to talk about RAMADHAN instead. So last night I looked through the books, browsing the internet to get legitimate facts from reliable references so that I won't be blamed for incorrect teaching. Early this morning, I felt energetic when I was delivering although I was feeling quite anxious before that. I felt like I wanted to talk about everything that had been researched but alas, time was so short. I can only brief them about the preparations of the great month of Ramadhan.


It is really true that when you deliver your messages, you are the one who benefit the most. I feel different today.. so scared that I cannot do what i had preached. Good eh? This is why we have to talk about Islam all the time.. to revive the spirit in our hearts so that our iman will not decrease. I learn from my Hadith class that truly Iman can decrease with the decrease of AMAL, your acts of worship. How good it is to feel that we are close to God. I hope in the month of Ramadhan, I can feel closer to Him. Oh..how I long for Ramadhan but at the same time, I am not sure whether or not I am ready for it. I don't want Ramadhan to go without Allah forgiving me. Please Allah.. do help me!!!

The analogy of the coming and going of Ramadhan is like going to Mecca - the holy land where one is so fortunate to be able to get multi-folds of rewards for any good deeds. So when you are in Mecca, you do lots of acts of worship because you know this is the holy land and you have to maximize or optimize your time. Such a lovely place where you concentrate only in your worship, very little concern of the dunia, Masya'Allah. I remember when I was in the bus leaving the holy land.. my eyes cannot stop looking at the direction of Kaaba while my heart was crying - longing and longing to be there again. It is like departing with your lover and not knowing when you will see each other again.. Subhanallah, such a blessed land that took my heart away. I remember once I wrote an article.. "I left my heart in San Francisco"... sorry, no more San Francisco. My heart was there.. at the very holy land. You just can't describe how beautiful it is to be there. The first time I laid my eyes on the Kaaba, I was.... there is no word to describe. It was so different. It was not like those great glamorous building that people build to impress others - not at all. It was just a normal square thing.. but masya'Allah, when you look at it, all your emotions come together.. you feel the longing, the love, the pleasure, the mercy, the compassion.. aah!!! There is no one word but only SUBHANALLAH - praise be to Allah, lord of the worlds.

Ramadhan is like that.. to be in Ramadhan is fortunate. There is no counting how much reward Allah is preparing for us.. but are we prepared? Are we ready to collect the points? We all want to be victorious when Ramadhan leaves us.. ya, it is not us leaving Ramadhan..but Ramadhan will come and leaves us. But don't let it go without getting mercy, forgiveness and release from the hellfire. Indeed, if we want to be victorious.. we need to be serious about it like increasing our voluntary prayers, charity and protecting ourself from doing maksiat (bad deeds). Evil or bad deeds darken the hearts. How unfortunate if our hearts are dark.. na'uzubillah. O Allah, please help us to purify ourselves..to strengthen our hearts in piety. O Allah please help us to help ourselves. Help us to help others too.

One interesting thing that I had experience recently was meeting with my new Sheikh. I have a new Sheikh now.. I feel happy that Allah is sending someone to us. O Allah, You are great and I am so grateful to you. We met at a nearby mosque, he gave a talk on IKHLAS. I wanted to meet him and I waited until only selected few remained. We gathered around him and everyone took their turns to take pictures and to hug him. Of course, I had to keep my distance as they were all men there. But I stayed with them. Then when I had the chance, I introduce myself.. he called me DR. Such a polite and well-mannered man. He reminds me of Sheikh Abdullah Yassin.. the way he speaks - very proper and careful, Subhanallah.

Then I was thinking.. it is not easy to be them.. the knowledgeable people, especially when you are really well-known and having lots of fan. I make doa that he will not change.. May Allah keep him on His straight path... let him deliver his knowledge with humbleness like he always does, let him be merciful too - aproachable and respectable. O Allah, these are the people who can help us.. to guide us, to set an example for us..please O Allah. We need them.. and please ease our path in seeking the knowledge of the religion. Help us to increase our piety and forgive us for what we know not.

Talking about having fans. I read about Saidina Ali r.a. who would say this when he was praised "O Allah, please forgive me for what they know not, please make me better than what they said about me, and please don't blame me for their thoughts on me". This doa is beautiful and I believe those people who are knowledgeble, they are wise people too. They are only seeking Allah's mercy and compassion. So praises don't leave marks in their hearts. May Allah help them in their effort to revive Islam, ameen.

Rasulullah said, "O Muslims! Fear Allah and obey Him. I give you glad tidings as the month of Ramadhan is approaching. This is the month in which the Qur’aan was revealed as a guidance for mankind, as well as a clarification and differentiation between truth and falsehood".

And as Ramadhan is approaching, I am feeling hopeful - as if I am going to Macca when I think of the bounties. I will be there, insya'Allah and the reward is tremendous.. and I am smiling because something great is coming this way...... Subhanallah, YOU ARE GREAT!!!

Missing you, Princess....

I kissed you and let you go. This time was not like before. I was sad because you came back for only 3 weeks - shorter than planned. I waved at you and there you were, rushing through the crowds to get to your boarding gate. My mind crawled back to 20 some years and realised how fast time moves - my chidren, they are leading their own lives. Now you are already almost in your final year, getting ready for your career.

This time I feel like it was a dream, having you at home. 3 weeks was very short - so many things were left unsaid and no time to do what we have planned before. Allah knows best. But we managed to do our family portrait, although without your sister. It was alright.

People do change through time. You do too. I can see that you are stronger and louder in your words and actions. You are full of determination and very confident. I love you, my princess and my prayers are with you always. I pray that your journey is well. I know you'll feel the same when you reach Leeds - When you wake up tomorrow, you will feel like it was all a dream. Nice dream eh? I know I will take some time to readjust myself to not having you home. After a few days, I'l be alright and you will be back to your daily schedule. Insya'Allah, we'll meet again. Perhaps we'll meet again when it snows ;-)

All the best, my princess... be strong like you always do!

Good bye, My beloved sister!

Saying goodbye is never easy. Let alone saying it for good... to someone who is close to you... a sister.

It was yesterday, Wednesday night, May 26, when the sad news came to me. My elder sister passed away, leaving 6 children – she was the 4th in the family. There were 9 of us.. now, only 8 left. I watched the proceedings and all those while, I was saying to myself.. this is the end of us. What are we searching for in life?? Comfort? Wealth? Position? Power? All those will be left behind.. leaving you with the white cloth wraped around your naked stiffed body.

I watched her laying there…there was only white coverings...all tightly wrapped. It felt sad .. I remember her smile.. her laughter.. her jokes..... her eyes... We were close. We were like buddies when we were young. She used to bring me my lunch box when I was in secondary school. She was always helpful, generous, happy, kind… as a child, she was very adventurous..I must say. She was in a play once in a big hall in our town .. her role was a troublesome tomboy….I think she loved that role.. I still remember that day.. she wore the red jeans! I wore the jeans when it fitted me years later.

We shared many great moments together - good and bad too. There were too many memories.. they all rushed into my head as I watched her… I miss her so much. We have not seen each other that much. I was very busy with my work.. she stopped working for sometime due to her deteriorating health. Knowing that too didn’t caused me to visit her that often.. There were so many things I wished I had done for her..

The night when she passed away.. I was thinking of her. She usually call just to say ‘hi’. Perhaps she was thinking of us before she went. We were all there… all 8 of us and our mom. I don’t know how my mom felt. Her sadness must be different than ours. When I looked at the children, I can’t help myself feeling sorry for them.. but Allah is most Merciful Most Kind.. who are we to feel sorry… They have gone through a lot. Their father passed away 4 years ago. I was in UK then. When we were leaving the house, the youngest, 8 years old, cried… he must have felt insecure.. not having his mom around. I wrapped my arms around him but I don’t know what to say.. I can’t say that everything will be alright… as it won’t for sometime. He had to deal with the fact that his mom will not be there anymore. They were very close .. I remember the time when I visited them.. he did the ”story-telling” in front of us.. his mom was coaching him – looking proud at her youngest son. Abdullah is indeed a smart boy with bright eyes and cheeky smile. Then I rewarded him and he was so happy.

I watched the end of my sister… when the soil were flattened and there was no sign of her anymore. The ‘talkin’ was recited and we listened with our hearts. We were told the meaning of life.. that everything was just temporary and the ultimate, is our Lord. Her name was called upon to tell her what was expected to happen…but indeed the note was meant for us. We waited there until everything was over. That was indeed the end of a person - a sister whom I loved so much- Hamidah. As I stepped away from her grave, my mind was with her.. what was in store for her.. She was indeed a kind and generous person but still, she must be scared, being left alone there without her family around.. we can't do anything but pray..

‘O Allah, forgive and have mercy upon her, excuse her and pardon her, and make honorable her reception. Expand her entry, and cleanse her with water, snow, and ice, and purify her of sin as a white robe is purified of filth. Exchange her home for a better home, and her family for a better family, and her spouse for a better spouse. Admit her into the Garden, protect her from the punishment of the grave and the torment of the Fire.’

‘O Allah, forgive our living and our dead, those present and those absent, our young and our old, our males and our females. O Allah, whom amongst us You keep alive, then let such a life be upon Islam, and whom amongst us You take unto Yourself, then let such a death be upon faith. O Allah, do not deprive us of her reward and do not let us stray after her’.

‘O Allah, my sister, Hamidah is under Your care and protection so protect her from the trial of the grave and torment of the Fire. Indeed You are merciful and truthful. Forgive and have mercy upon her, surely You are The Oft-Forgiving, The Most-Merciful’.

As I recited my doa while leaving, my tears were rolling down my cheeks. I had to say good bye ... I love you, sis and will always do. You will always be in my heart, insya’Allah.




The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) says,'Surely the heart rusts like iron.' People inquired, 'How can it be polished?' He (s.a.w.s.) said, 'By remembering death and with the recitation of Quran.' (Nahjul Fasahah)
“…verily, the death from which you run away, will, surely, overtake you & will send you back to the Knower of the visible & invisible things & He will then inform you of what you used to do.” (Q. 62:8)

Amir's Birthday again.....

A few weeks back, you wrote a poem about your Swansea friends... I know you still miss them and thought that they are irreplaceable. To you, Liam will always be your best friend. I know Swansea to you is home sweet home. But open your heart.. you might find some more kindred spirits around! It is not so bad here...

Today is your 14th birthday – I have too many things to say to you but I don’t want to exhaust you…Today is a significant mark in your life – I believe all birthdays are good markings of our lives as they are indicators of opportunities Allah gives us to improve ourselves – more time, insya’Allah. As a mother, I always have my hopes and anxiety, watching my children grow especially at their tender young age can be exhausting but rewarding, of course. During these years, you should set your path…where you want to go and where you would like to be. For the unfortunates, Allah put barriers in their hearts where they cannot see what is right and what is wrong due to their own doings and their stubbornness to accept Allah’s commands. May Allah select us to be among those whom Allah loves and guides.

My son, Amir,
I wish you Happy Birthday! This year, you are no longer in an Islamic school – no more SMIH. That doesn’t mean we are bringing you up as a secular person – never! I know I should not take you away from that school but that was what you wanted, perhaps you don't like the idea of being away from us! I guess we don’t have any choice as I watched you getting depress and exhausted. I am doing my best to keep you safe and prepare you for a better future. There is nothing I would like to have more than to have my son understands Islam - be a knowledgeable person, have good influence and a role model for those your age.

When I look at your friends at SMIH, I know they are indeed your good friends. I am glad we celebrated your birthday again with them… Let me recap their advices when I asked them to say something to you. They said, Amir….
o Watch your prayers as they are pillars of Islam. Without them, you will collapse.
o Don’t forget your Duha prayers… (I remember how you used to call me around 11 to check whether or not I have done my Duha)
o Do your supplementary fasting… at least 3 days a month if not, Mondays and Fridays (you tried your very best to do your fasting every Monday and Friday.. I was afraid you might not be strong enough but you were).
o Do your Qiam (night prayer) as it takes you closer to Allah. I also remember when you were home last year, sometimes you would ask me to wake you up for night prayers)
o Be careful when you befriend girls… when there are only the two of you, the third is the devil. (I remember how you would always talk about this hadith… wala takrabuzzina….and tell me how your ustaz always reminds you all of the danger of it) .
o Obey your parents, be kind to them.. as they always want good things for you. (A few months at SMIH, you were showing a lot of progress.. you were very careful when you talk to me.. you were so gentle and obedient – I don’t mean you are no longer obedient but it is incredible how fast the improvements were).
o Be kind with people… in the class, do not disturb others. Always mind your manners.
o Most importantly, read the Quran a lot and learn Hadith as they provide guidance in our lives. Read and understand them and you’ll be safe. (When you came home from your hostel, you would ask me to read the arab style.. the right way of reading, you said).

I am sure you remember these advices. I hope these boys will always stay as your friends because I like them and I know they are the circles of friends you’ll be safe with… I know you miss SMIH but you hide it from me.

Amir, I don’t know what to plan for you now… I have so many ideas but time is against me… Going to a nearer school, you are always tired when you reach home. Perhaps the weather or may be because you feel lonely - there's only the three of us at home now. Please let me help you explore your potential because I know you are special. Please let me assist you to not waste your time like kids your age do – too much internet and TV are not good. I will help you if you let me… I love you and want the best for you, my son. Happy Birthday, love! May this year be filled with joy and happiness… and some kindred spirits to share them with you too….find good friends, my son! Always find good friends!

Mama

KNOCK! KNOCK!

5:30 am. There was a knock on the door. It's half an hour to Suboh and it's pounding hard. “It's time for tahajjud!”, it seems to say. Are you still sleeping when Allah promises at this hour that He will be there waiting for your prayers, awaiting you to beg Him….. and yet, you are still sleeping? Don’t you have enough sleep already? How many hours do you need? 8? You're such a baby… Coochy Coochy!! Up baby Up!!

Sleeping time is over! Don’t you know that Umar Abd Aziz, a pious leader of Islam spent his nights crying and praying to Allah in the middle of the night, – fear that he had not done enough within his power for the people under his leadership? In fact, he spent 200 rakaat everyday for solat nafil – just for the supplementary solat. Wasn’t that great? Shouldn’t we not fear of our commitments – that we have not given enough? We are still lazy to stand for prayers. And our prayers are full of thoughts, all the worldly affairs. With this, how can we stand tall in front of Him and his beloved prophet? Have we taste the sweetness of Iman that solat is the best time of the day and that we are always looking forward to talk to God?

Can we ever stand tall? What should we say… what can be our excuses? That the world is not like before! All these sophisticated technology – it is not suitable to apply Islamic values or sunnah! Our parents have not taught enough! Schools did not provide good Islamic education! Leaders were selfish and corrupted – blame them! We were busy with our responsibilities at work – they couldn’t do without us! Our boss gave us too much tasks that not only we had to spend so much time in the office, we had to bring them home! That the traffic was too much…by the time we reach home, prayer time was over! Can we not list 100 more excuses? Want me to go on? Oh my... can I not use these excuses?

So what is our stand? Are we ready for tahajjud? Are we not scared that we will be in these dark rooms underneath when none can help – not even our Mercedes, not our big screen LCD TV, not our fully decorated house, not our newly renovated kitchen, not our collectibles handbags, shoes .. or whatever baggage we have with us. None can help except our good deeds that we left – those good deeds that we thought was good for nothing… the food to the needy that kept them sleeping at night because their stomach aren’t empty like before, the help to a friend that took ages of our precious time but kept him smiling all day, those money donated to the orphans that worry us because the savings were lessen, the unneeded clothes to the earth-quake victims the kept them warm when they have lost their shelter and help tidy up our wardrobe…. and yet, you thought they were unrewarded! So all these can help lighten up our dark rooms – they won’t be dark anymore but in fact, they can be “gardens of delights”.

When I read the last poem by Imam Al-Ghazali, it motivates me – gives me hope that death can be beautiful, that we would be able to converse with the saints, that we would be able to rest from all these worldly affairs that tire us, a sleep prolonged…that death is life that surpasses all that we can dream of here. We should not be frightened when we think of Allah’s mercy and love because the ultimate happiness of our being is when we get to meet Him, our Lord, face to face. Subhanalllah!

Tahajjud is important for our souls – it is a must for those who want to have close relation with Allah. This is the time to converse with Him… softly. This is the time to beg Him, plead with him. Do you know that if you do it often enough, if one day you overslept, the angles will wake you up because he misses you?
 So what are you waiting for???

Knock! Knock! Is that the angle?

Allah Ta'ala says, addressing the prophet (pbuh), "O you wrapped in a cloth, Stand (in prayer) by night except a portion, half of it or a little less, or a little more, and recite the Quraan in measured tones. Soon shall we send down to you a weighty message. Truly the rising by night is most potent for governing the soul, and most effective in speech [of praises and prayer]. [73:1-6]