Your values... don't let go!!

I was watching Oprah a few days back when she invited a lady, ex-wife to a politician. It was interesting. When it comes to Oprah, I should be selective. Some or the values presented are not suitable for muslims.. especially when it comes to promoting fashion, western values and the like. What I love about her shows are the things you learn from real-life experience people went through. The lady guest [let's keep her anonymous] was cheated by her husband. She wrote a book about her journey of overcoming her frustrations. She said there was no regrets, no anger, no grudge but only pain. Yes, she was hurt but all through that ordeal, she kept herself focused on what was most important - her children. She controlled herself so well. When she spoke about her experience, you can see that she is a very stable person - she was handling it brilliantly.

Not many people can go through trials with a sane mind. For people of faith, we should be able to have a high degree of control of our feelings and actions.  All through her pain, she was actually trying to hold on to her marriage.. making it works, believing in the tradition that she loves so much and the values that she adores. Yes, she was conservative. She believe in marriage and abide to the vows. Should we not?

TRUST in marriage is a big thing. To me, this lady is very strong and not many are as strong. At time of trials and tribulations, you needed faith or trust in Allah the most. Having to go through the ordeal and keeping a sane and focused mind makes her very special... you can say, ooh, I can do that too. But don't say that until you are tested. I believe it is not easy. Of course, like she said, the most hurt are the children. But that's life - you don't get bright colors and twinkling stars every day... and we just have to accept it as it comes. By the way, the book is entitled "Keeping true".  And I don't think anyone can overcome these trials without having faith in God - Islam, Christian whatever your religion is.

I was reading "Don't be sad", a book written so beautifully and a MUST HAVE for every muslim household. If you are sad, read the book. The words are so nicely written. Yes... why do we have to be sad? The author says, put it in your mind TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF YOUR LIFE so you'll make it worth your while. if today is your last, you won't be wasting it on feeling bad but you will make the most of everything that you have around you. If one goes wrong, the others are still ok. There are too many bounties to count and Allah is giving them to you without even you asking for them. So why then should you be sad? I don't know.. perhaps, you just have too much of self pity, that's why!

Don't you feel like when you are mad, you want to scream? Don't you feel like you want to overcome the whole problem now and then and carry on with your life? Do you feel like you want to settle things once and for all? Then how can some people keep themselves sane if the whole thing takes a long time or might even take most of your lifetime? I believe we should self train own mind. Tell the mind things that can make it focus - your priorities in life.. be it your children, your health, your business, your career - you name it. I am not only talking about marriage here... trials can be anything. Some people keep their sanity by keeping busy - good. Some eat a lot and get fat - not good. Some sleep the whole day - not so good.

So what is the best medicine? I don't have the answer to the question.. it all depends on your situation. But one thing for sure is to go back to Your Lord... because He welcomes you with open arms although you keep forgetting Him. And the best way to go back to Him is to seclude yourself... take sometime away from people...

People can harm you especially in your remembrance of Allah. With their praises, you can get carried away. With their charm, you might forget yourself. So isolation can be beneficial to be able to talk to Him sincerely. Some people love to get themselves known and so, they can collect as many friends. To them, making friends are appreciating love and that is good. Sometimes, too much love can spoil you. People of faith are selective in making friends... if you are not careful, they can drag you down.. unless you are an angel - untouchable. I've seen people making friends without thinking.. liking him or her in the virtual world without thinking of your values or principles. You want to do DAKWAH and at the end, you will become bankrupt of good deeds because you are sinning and get caught in chain of sins [When you make error and others follow]. Again.. you forgot your values!!!

Ibn Thymiyah said {in Don't be Sad},
"At times, it is necessary for the worshiper to be isolated from others in order to pray, remember Allah, recite the Quran and evaluate himself and his deeds. Also, isolation allows one to supplicate, seek forgiveness, stay away from evil and so on". These can help you to keep sane.

So when Oprah asked her.. "What was your regret?" Without hesitation, she replied, "Not leaving sooner than I did - But that was because of my TRUST in my values and holding on to them ".