I've abandon my blog for awhile...as usual, there are too many things to do and yet, too little time. but I managed to get away from the hussle and bussle of that small town. It is good to have a break when all of the sudden, you feel free like a bird. Well, not really...but I try to use my time to think less of work and more of myself. Good to be back where there are many familiar faces around - and updating news of friends around here - people got married, having children, moved.. so many things have changed and I've only been away for a year or so.
It is very cold in Swansea these past few days. The smell of colored leaves on the ground really brings back the memory of winter and life as a graduate student. It surely was stressful but when someone mentioned that given even 1 million, no one would want to do PhD for the second time, I said I would do it. I don't know. It is good to live without any specific schedule. At work, you need to deal with too many things - sometimes you think that they must be crazy assigning you with lots of tasks all at the same time. Do they think that you are a robot? I hate being in those group of people who live for their work. I work to live - I have alot of other important things in life that are of higher priority like family. Surely, going back to UK is all about family.... and today, is another successful day for the family. God is most merciful and kind.
It was drizzling and cold early this morning. I was waiting for a bus -not a common thing for me.. I've been driving around before and now, i am less mobile. Those ladies and gentlemen who waited at the bus stop were surely friendly. That lady told me of a famous phrase among these 'bus waiters' - watched kettle never boils! In Swansea, most of the users of their transportation system are elderly people (and of course, university students)... the lady who talked to me stopped driving and become a regular bus rider. They all seem kind and friendly.
Back at the university mosque, things are much as it was.. people are kind and although there are many new faces, it still feels like home. Sheikh Mohsen is clever as ever with his words. his children's english is so much better than before. They have quran class yesterday, charity activities last week.. still tafseer class every Monday but yesterday, the class was cancelled and so many other activities on the board showing their motivation and enthusiasm in working with the student/community. Someone took shahadah a few days back and it was funny yesterday, when she told us that she was playing with a wet dog before she came to the mosque and we were like dumbstruck but still all smiling! Not that it is prohibited but we try to avoid dogs when they are wet. she said the dog was so cute and she simply forgot.. so the dog was all over her ;)
Amir met most of his schoolmates.. he must be very happy! i know he missed them so much.
many things happened today.... and i feel like tired now but I had to walk or take a bus home. So I better pack up my things now. It has been a long day but certainly, it feels good to be back in UK!!!
Oh.. We might have a small celebration party later today ;;;)
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Monday, 7 September 2009
WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I MISS YOU?
When I am writing this article, you are already on the plane back to Leeds. Time flies so fast, I couldn’t believe the two months of your stay has passed. When you were here, I look at you sleeping in your room and I feel like you have always been there. It feels good to have you at home – having children at home is simply NICE.
It is amazing that Allah send children to parents with their own characters – perhaps there are many factors that contribute to the forming of characters (I won’t go into that!). Imagine my parents having to deal with 9 different characters. Of course, there are some similarities but one kid from another is different in many ways. Kak Long is the obedient and tolerant one - perhaps because she is the eldest. You, on the other hand, are charming with people with strong determination, very tidy and sometimes can be very fussy too. Amir is still playful, witty, clever at words and of course, like you, he can be naughty also. How lovely the three of you, all praise be to Allah, the Merciful.
I watch you grow… from a tiny baby in my arms to a poise medical student. You are so determined in whatever you do. I remember how proud I was when you were in Bishop Gore. The teachers told me that if all students are like you, they won’t have any problem. You were simply excellent. I believe the environment suits you and you continue to excel. I never have thought that you would also go into medical school like Kak Long (you have never talked about it before), but you did. I know it was a tough decision for us – the financial implication was too much but we are grateful to Allah for making this decision. Look at you now… I am happy that you are doing well and I pray to Allah that you will continue your hard work. Life is always a struggle, you have seen mine too, right? When people look at my two lovely girls, they wonder how I did it, How I brought you up? What was my secret? Well, we don't have secrets, only giving you the best opportunities one can have - good school, good circle of friends and of course, good Islamic environment. It is all Allah's work and your effort, Alhamdulillah! And I pray Amir will turn out well too, Ameen.
Although you spent a lot of time outside, doing community/dakwah work, I am happy to know that you have spent your holiday well – not counting the shopping that you did ;) in between your hectic schedule. I envy your determination.. just look at all the books you took with you on the plane!!!
Looking at you leaving last night, breaks my heart. But I know that you can take good care of yourself. This is one of your strength – a good network of friends around you so I do not need to worry. I pray to Allah that He will continue giving you strength, and help you in your struggle towards success. Although I am sad whenever I pass your empty bedroom, I am certain that you will find happiness wherever you go, insya’Allah. Before you go, I asked you, “What should I do when I miss you”, you answered, “Read the Quran”, and I will do just that.
Take care, princess. We love you so much!
It is amazing that Allah send children to parents with their own characters – perhaps there are many factors that contribute to the forming of characters (I won’t go into that!). Imagine my parents having to deal with 9 different characters. Of course, there are some similarities but one kid from another is different in many ways. Kak Long is the obedient and tolerant one - perhaps because she is the eldest. You, on the other hand, are charming with people with strong determination, very tidy and sometimes can be very fussy too. Amir is still playful, witty, clever at words and of course, like you, he can be naughty also. How lovely the three of you, all praise be to Allah, the Merciful.
I watch you grow… from a tiny baby in my arms to a poise medical student. You are so determined in whatever you do. I remember how proud I was when you were in Bishop Gore. The teachers told me that if all students are like you, they won’t have any problem. You were simply excellent. I believe the environment suits you and you continue to excel. I never have thought that you would also go into medical school like Kak Long (you have never talked about it before), but you did. I know it was a tough decision for us – the financial implication was too much but we are grateful to Allah for making this decision. Look at you now… I am happy that you are doing well and I pray to Allah that you will continue your hard work. Life is always a struggle, you have seen mine too, right? When people look at my two lovely girls, they wonder how I did it, How I brought you up? What was my secret? Well, we don't have secrets, only giving you the best opportunities one can have - good school, good circle of friends and of course, good Islamic environment. It is all Allah's work and your effort, Alhamdulillah! And I pray Amir will turn out well too, Ameen.
Although you spent a lot of time outside, doing community/dakwah work, I am happy to know that you have spent your holiday well – not counting the shopping that you did ;) in between your hectic schedule. I envy your determination.. just look at all the books you took with you on the plane!!!
Looking at you leaving last night, breaks my heart. But I know that you can take good care of yourself. This is one of your strength – a good network of friends around you so I do not need to worry. I pray to Allah that He will continue giving you strength, and help you in your struggle towards success. Although I am sad whenever I pass your empty bedroom, I am certain that you will find happiness wherever you go, insya’Allah. Before you go, I asked you, “What should I do when I miss you”, you answered, “Read the Quran”, and I will do just that.
Take care, princess. We love you so much!
Saturday, 8 August 2009
A new beginning
It is not easy to manage a wedding. For a person who is constantly occupied with many different tasks at work, when my daughter expressed her intention of getting married, I was worried...not only worried about her future, whether or not she has chosen the so-called "Mr Right", but it was also about my time - whether or not I have enough time to plan everything. As we are all trying our best to follow the sunnah, I realise that it was my obligation to materialize it... soonest possible... so that it won't consume too much time and energy - trying to simplify things and if possible, exclude whichever procedures that are not relevant with islamic values. As marrige is a new beginning for a couple, it is best to make sure we follow all the islamic rules so that the marriage will be blessed. Of course, it takes alot of thinking and effort ... things are not that straight forward in life..It started with a simple idea... but endup very nicely - quite proper and well managed. The nikah ceremony was very good where we followed the "keluarga sakinah" module- the newly wed couple, the mother and father had to read a prepared text - small advice to each other which was very benefitial. I was in tears reading my text...I just couldn't help it. Of course, kak long had to control her feelings.... (if not, the 1 hour make-up will be ruined!)
I am very grateful to Allah for everything.. the weather was good- it was not sunny at all - morning started with quite heavy rain...as if Allah wanted to take away the heat and cool down the temperature for the whole day. Despite the preparation for convocation at my university, many staff turned up- fulfilling their community obligations and of course, keeping the friendship alive. Friends and relatives came from as far as Penang and Kedah to be here...I enjoyed having everyone. Allah is great... in our hearts, he sent love for us to feel significant... I was touched. Deep in my heart, I feel that I have gathered many good friends, the best circle of friends one can wish for!
Today, we had a small reception at Katerina... small speech from Wan, your dad, myself, your auntie, uncle, kak Long and abang Long(Faizul). I saw on everyone's face happiness and love. That is what I wished for... how much I miss my dad on memorable occasions like this one.
To Kak Long my beloved daughter I want to say, I wish you all the best. There are things in life that a mother cannot give to her daughter... perfection. I can only do what Allah allows within my capacity.. I was married at a young age but I know, I have tried to be your best friend. If I have not done anything that I should have, not say/provide anything that I should have, I want to say "I am sorry, dear". I want to set the best example for you...I want to be the best mom, the best friend, the best advisor... but I am also learning still....be sure that I have tried my very best. Be a good wife... before you do anything, think wisely and seek for Allah's pleasure at all time so you will be rightfully guided. To my son-in-law, welcome to the family... I hope Allah will put our hearts together and together, we will all seek for Allah's pleasure, the ultimate happiness.
O Allah, the Most Kind, Most Merciful, help us to seek Your pleasure at all time, bestow upon us wisdom in choosing our path, help us to grow love and compassion for each other, help us to keep our hearts near, help us to be strong, to submit to you especially during the night hours, prostrating and standing, fearing the hereafter and hoping for Your mercy.
Oh Allah, Guide us with those whom You have guided, and strengthen us with those whom You have given strength, and take us to Your care with those whom You have taken to Your care, and Bless us in what You have given us.
To kak long and abang long,
Take all these prayers and motivation to start build your own family. I hope by now you are ready for a new beginning.....All the best, my love!
mama
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Are we doing ok? Can we be victorious?
I've not written for sometime. Usually at time like this, my readers(not too many) will ask me to write something. Tonight, after rushing for many different tasks day after day, I am a bit relax at home - I've just hand in an assignment at a very last minute. Everything now is done at the last minute. At the very last minute, your ideas come rushing because you know that you just can't afford to wait anymore - so you strive hard and put more effort than you used to. Alhamdulillah.. so far, it works. But it is never good to procrastinate. I am reminding myself now over and over again. But usually you don't have any choice - there are too many things to do but too little time (?). Who's fault is that?
Talking about time... it makes me think about the time I am spending each day. Have I benefited what God has given me - time, health and wealth (don't think that Allah will ask about wealth only to millionaires.. we all have our own share of wealth). These 3 things are the most precious bounties in life that if you use them well, it can take you to your true destination of life - ALLAH. Have you ever feel pain and say to yourself... "Oh, hopefully it is not today... please, not now. I haven't done much" as if death will wait until you are ready. When I told this to a friend, he said "common, man! you are not a prophet!" (The death angles ask permission from prophets before their soul are taken). So the question is ARE WE DOING OK? I don't want to answer that question here - the question that I ask myself everyday now...
Friends - how do our friends feel about us. This is about relation with human beings. Do they think that you are kind? Or are you generous? Are you helpful? Are you respectful? Are you friendly to your customers/students/employers/colleagues.... Don't you feel like sometimes or most of the time you can't fit in. Like there are no more friends like it used to be. Where are all those friends that you enjoy to be with? Do you really need them or you can always find new circles of friends. Believe me.. the older you get..the more difficult it is to find kindred spirits... at least, I think so. You kinda think like... oh, he/she's not like.... you want people to be like those people you used to like. You kinda collect many preferences as you grow older - like collectible items they are - so precious, you don't want to let go. Am I getting philosophical?
Oh.. I come across this sentense - a letter written by a friend of Liyana. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had (funny but nice).
How about our relation with Allah, the Creator? Have we learnt his words in the Holy book? I believe we all have to learn the language of the heaven. I guess we can never know what we are missing until we understand the arabic language and study His words. How unfortunate for us not knowing what He has commanded us, the glad tidings, the warnings, the stories... if we can eat the best food on earth and not just hear from someone describing how delicious the food is - big difference, eh? Allah said, "Those who listen to the word and follow, the best in it: those are the ones whom God has guided, and those are the ones endued with understanding". I believe every each one of us has to put an effort in studying the Arabic language. Allah won't mind that in the process of learning, death took you by surprise... then it probably is ok, wallahu a'lam.
To be able to say that we are ok... then we have to be in the process of learning at least. So why not we all put an effort to do something about this.... yes, why not???
Victory and Help go with calmness of mind,
Faith, fidelity, zeal and earnestness
not with greed, lukewarmness, or timidity,
Discipline and obedience are essential
for service. The rewards for service are not
to be measured by immediate results,
But accrue to countless hidden ways
For Patience and Restraint. Be strong
Against Evil, but kind and gentle amongst
Yourselves: the seed will grow and become
Strong, to your wonder and delight.
(From Quran Translation by Yusof Ali)
I believe we all can be victorious. Allah is indeed fair to everyone. That is why when we talk about happiness.. it doesn't take wealth to make someone happy. If wealth is the measure of happiness, wouldn't it be unfair? But happiness is truely from your inner self - which everyone is capable of achieving. It takes time but the seed will indeed grow at its own pace with our own effort and Allah's will, of course.
We don't have to take a big step... a continuous step one at a time is better than a big one or two leap that tires you. We should be realistic and practical. Any good that we do, Allah will multiplies. So let's take that step, without waiting for the perfect time ... so that when we have that pain tomorrow or any day at all, we can say "Oh Allah, here I am... eager to meet You".
"Learn, ye, therefore, Humility, and approach God's throne in repentance and Earnest Endeavour".
Wallahu'alam.
Talking about time... it makes me think about the time I am spending each day. Have I benefited what God has given me - time, health and wealth (don't think that Allah will ask about wealth only to millionaires.. we all have our own share of wealth). These 3 things are the most precious bounties in life that if you use them well, it can take you to your true destination of life - ALLAH. Have you ever feel pain and say to yourself... "Oh, hopefully it is not today... please, not now. I haven't done much" as if death will wait until you are ready. When I told this to a friend, he said "common, man! you are not a prophet!" (The death angles ask permission from prophets before their soul are taken). So the question is ARE WE DOING OK? I don't want to answer that question here - the question that I ask myself everyday now...
Friends - how do our friends feel about us. This is about relation with human beings. Do they think that you are kind? Or are you generous? Are you helpful? Are you respectful? Are you friendly to your customers/students/employers/colleagues.... Don't you feel like sometimes or most of the time you can't fit in. Like there are no more friends like it used to be. Where are all those friends that you enjoy to be with? Do you really need them or you can always find new circles of friends. Believe me.. the older you get..the more difficult it is to find kindred spirits... at least, I think so. You kinda think like... oh, he/she's not like.... you want people to be like those people you used to like. You kinda collect many preferences as you grow older - like collectible items they are - so precious, you don't want to let go. Am I getting philosophical?
Oh.. I come across this sentense - a letter written by a friend of Liyana. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had (funny but nice).
How about our relation with Allah, the Creator? Have we learnt his words in the Holy book? I believe we all have to learn the language of the heaven. I guess we can never know what we are missing until we understand the arabic language and study His words. How unfortunate for us not knowing what He has commanded us, the glad tidings, the warnings, the stories... if we can eat the best food on earth and not just hear from someone describing how delicious the food is - big difference, eh? Allah said, "Those who listen to the word and follow, the best in it: those are the ones whom God has guided, and those are the ones endued with understanding". I believe every each one of us has to put an effort in studying the Arabic language. Allah won't mind that in the process of learning, death took you by surprise... then it probably is ok, wallahu a'lam.
To be able to say that we are ok... then we have to be in the process of learning at least. So why not we all put an effort to do something about this.... yes, why not???
Victory and Help go with calmness of mind,
Faith, fidelity, zeal and earnestness
not with greed, lukewarmness, or timidity,
Discipline and obedience are essential
for service. The rewards for service are not
to be measured by immediate results,
But accrue to countless hidden ways
For Patience and Restraint. Be strong
Against Evil, but kind and gentle amongst
Yourselves: the seed will grow and become
Strong, to your wonder and delight.
(From Quran Translation by Yusof Ali)
I believe we all can be victorious. Allah is indeed fair to everyone. That is why when we talk about happiness.. it doesn't take wealth to make someone happy. If wealth is the measure of happiness, wouldn't it be unfair? But happiness is truely from your inner self - which everyone is capable of achieving. It takes time but the seed will indeed grow at its own pace with our own effort and Allah's will, of course.
We don't have to take a big step... a continuous step one at a time is better than a big one or two leap that tires you. We should be realistic and practical. Any good that we do, Allah will multiplies. So let's take that step, without waiting for the perfect time ... so that when we have that pain tomorrow or any day at all, we can say "Oh Allah, here I am... eager to meet You".
"Learn, ye, therefore, Humility, and approach God's throne in repentance and Earnest Endeavour".
Wallahu'alam.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Down the memory lane..
Last night, I dreamt I was in Swansea.. I don't know whose house it was and I was thinking, where are my friends? In my list, I had many visits to do - I had to see my Sudanese son, Zakaria and his wife, Sara, and also their newly born son, Yahya. Or I should find my Mauritius sister first and give her a big hug (oh! I miss her hugs - they are warm and comforting) and also in the list, the mosque to see sheikh Mohsen and his wife and children... I had to see my other sheikh, Sheikh Abdullah, Brother Asim and many more good friends... Oh.. the list was getting very long.
Then I met Sheikh Mohsen with his 2 sons.. but I didn't get to do much or talk to him. While planning to meet the others, I woke up. Aaah.... I should have do it fast while I had time but I did not. So there I was, all awake and thinking of Swansea again! Is it just me or do all these flashbacks come more often as we become more mature and more appreciative of our friends and memories that keep us alive?
This morning, I was checking my student's work when I came across one of their videos... the background song was "Hari ini dan semalam". Oh boy! It took me back to the time when my brother Zul was very little. I bet he still remembers.. One night, he couldn't sleep and he took his red guitar which my dad bought for him in KL and sang that song across the bedroom door! He was so cute and funny.... he is a good loving brother.
I used to hate him for taking over my place. He came into my life when I was 8. Being the youngest in the family for 8 years spoiled me but suddenly, there he was. At night, I was pushed to the edge of the bed. I remember for the first few days, I slept at my parents' feet. I was determined to stay on that bed by hook or by crook. Eventually, I had to be shifted and squeezed into my sister's bed... how big the bed was.. it can accommodate many of us. We were all like 1 or 2 years apart. We usually play together but being the youngest, I sometimes, can't fit in. So I hang out with my own gang. Children at that age do not play in the house. We were so adventurous ... our activities include digging the soft soil for worms and maggots, crossing the lalang field searching for all sorts of insects and what not.
My sisters... they come with all sorts of characters. It would take me too long to describe every each one of them... so I won't do it here. Such wonderful sisters they are. But at that time, I was thinking why were there too many girls... Of course, I was being silly! Looking back at those wonder years when we were kids, playing without any care in the world, it does feel sad deep inside. The sadness is not about not able to meet them everyday because they do not live near, but the sadness is more about how much you miss those time... when the parents are still young and things were so much different.. when my dad bought anything, we will divide equally among us how little they are. Of course, life gets better but it is true when Allah says, with every difficulty there is ease... indeed, it was fantastic. Being kids must be one of the best time in our lives and every each one of us must have special memories of ourselves...
Do you know that my Bangoli daughter can remember as far as when she was weaning? I bet you don't believe me.... Hey! I am not kidding. Hmmm... that's so rare!
I better get back to my business now... I can't daydreaming all day like this... so adios! Have I told you that I win a contest yesterday? Well.. that's another story.
May Allah bring us happiness in our lives and help us to step forward each day with plenty of smiles..... ameen to that!
Then I met Sheikh Mohsen with his 2 sons.. but I didn't get to do much or talk to him. While planning to meet the others, I woke up. Aaah.... I should have do it fast while I had time but I did not. So there I was, all awake and thinking of Swansea again! Is it just me or do all these flashbacks come more often as we become more mature and more appreciative of our friends and memories that keep us alive?
This morning, I was checking my student's work when I came across one of their videos... the background song was "Hari ini dan semalam". Oh boy! It took me back to the time when my brother Zul was very little. I bet he still remembers.. One night, he couldn't sleep and he took his red guitar which my dad bought for him in KL and sang that song across the bedroom door! He was so cute and funny.... he is a good loving brother.
I used to hate him for taking over my place. He came into my life when I was 8. Being the youngest in the family for 8 years spoiled me but suddenly, there he was. At night, I was pushed to the edge of the bed. I remember for the first few days, I slept at my parents' feet. I was determined to stay on that bed by hook or by crook. Eventually, I had to be shifted and squeezed into my sister's bed... how big the bed was.. it can accommodate many of us. We were all like 1 or 2 years apart. We usually play together but being the youngest, I sometimes, can't fit in. So I hang out with my own gang. Children at that age do not play in the house. We were so adventurous ... our activities include digging the soft soil for worms and maggots, crossing the lalang field searching for all sorts of insects and what not.
My sisters... they come with all sorts of characters. It would take me too long to describe every each one of them... so I won't do it here. Such wonderful sisters they are. But at that time, I was thinking why were there too many girls... Of course, I was being silly! Looking back at those wonder years when we were kids, playing without any care in the world, it does feel sad deep inside. The sadness is not about not able to meet them everyday because they do not live near, but the sadness is more about how much you miss those time... when the parents are still young and things were so much different.. when my dad bought anything, we will divide equally among us how little they are. Of course, life gets better but it is true when Allah says, with every difficulty there is ease... indeed, it was fantastic. Being kids must be one of the best time in our lives and every each one of us must have special memories of ourselves...
Do you know that my Bangoli daughter can remember as far as when she was weaning? I bet you don't believe me.... Hey! I am not kidding. Hmmm... that's so rare!
I better get back to my business now... I can't daydreaming all day like this... so adios! Have I told you that I win a contest yesterday? Well.. that's another story.
May Allah bring us happiness in our lives and help us to step forward each day with plenty of smiles..... ameen to that!
Monday, 11 May 2009
Mother's Day
Before I left for the United States for my first degree, we stayed at our relative's house in Bangi. He planted a coconut tree as a reminder of my departure - not everyone gets to go to United States for a degree - ... I am the first in the family and got a Petronas sholarship. Of course, he was very proud. Every time I called home, I always ask to talk to my Dad. I don't know why... I guess my Dad had played an important role in my life. He send me letters and used the say like "Kehadapan anakanda yang dikasihi".. such formal words - Mind you, he was a Policeman. and when I read the letters, I would just cry and cry. I missed my family but I miss him especially. Oh.. how long ago it was but the memory was so vivid in my mind. I was naive and being away at that young age was kind of a shock to me. I've never been away from home. To me, I was given "wings". With those "wings", I got married and had my first daughter there. Wow.. how adventurous my life was.
Things were never the same when I came back from the United States. My Dad did not show up at the airport... I was shocked! I can feel that something was not right. I kept asking everyone where he was... he was at home! I guess this is the first time I am openly talking about it.. I was pregnant with my second child and my first daughter was 2 1/2 years old at that time. He was a bit upset somehow.... he never express it but I figured that out after sometime. Now I understand his frustration. I was the so called "brightest" in the family. I was his pride and joy. He wanted to see me getting good job and be successful in my career. But there I was... all pregnant with no job yet and family to feed. Of course I have my husband but we were like kids then. No job yet and 2 kids? This is not America...
Wow... how time flies.... life was a bit difficult but we have made it somehow - the turbulances, we had gone through that. I believe if my Dad is here, he'll be so proud of me again. He has such a lovely heart. He loved people and he was always there for me. Even when he was frustrated with me, but he loves my children. He taught Kak Long to talk. Kak Long was not talking yet when we came back from the US. He taught her every day... I remember how he used to sit at the kitchen table and he was fantastic with my kids. Oh.. He loved them so much and was especially close to Liyana. One day he came to visit because he missed the children and on that day, Liyana took her first step.. she started walking. Today, liyana is already in university... she is having her third year final exam today.
Back to my story, when I got the phone call about my Dad's death (1998), I feel like I can't breath anymore. The world stopped. I wasn't expecting it coming at all. I don't understand why he has to go so early... I thought he would be there for me always. I want him to see me progresses in life... I want him to see how wonderfully my children grow. Somehow, we assume our parents would always be there for us.. To me, he looked healthy enough .... he had his heart problem but he was always smiling when I was home... I cried and cried all the way home. We had to drive back and we were about 300 kms away. My husband was driving so fast that night when he was caught by a policeman. When my husband told the policeman of the situation, he let us go and advised us to drive safely.... After a few days, we found a poem wrote by Liyana for my dad. We read in front of everyone and we all cried.. my sisters, my brother, my mom.. everyone was so touched. She throwed it away.. she was hurt! Everyone was... the house seems to be empty without Dad and we still felt his presence for sometime. It was like he was at the mosque praying or out to town. We can't really seem to digest the reality just yet. Well... everything takes time and we thank Allah for giving us the courage and patience to go through all the difficult times in our lives.
After my dad was gone, I realise that I still have a mom. Oh mom.. I am so sorry I neglected you. I was always thinking about Dad and my Mom was always second place. Being a mom, I understand her more now than I used to. Now that Dad is gone, I came back to be near her... I watch her grow old day by day and it breaks my heart. Well... I am growing older too! But seeing her getting older physically makes you think.. what should you do for her now. I determine to make her happy. I determine to make her proud of me. I want her to love me and be please with me so Allah will be please. I want to be closer to her now... Oh Allah, help me to be a good daughter to my mom and to please her so that you will be pleased.
So on Mother's day last sunday, I kissed her and hugged her and gave her a bouquet of flowers. Of course.. they aren't the real orchids. I don't want to put her into more work, having to water and look after it... She was so happy and said, "Rudy, it must be expensive!" (In my heart, I was saying.. nothing is expensive when it comes to you ... you have done so much for me). That is my mom. She was always anxious about money... she is always careful not to trouble us and I love her so much. Happy Mother's Day, mom. I love you. How bless I am to still have you around.
Allah says in His holy book, "And we enjoined upon man to be dutiful to his parents - his mother bore him in weakness upon weakness and his weaning lasted two years that you be grateful to Me and to your parents. To Me is the destination. But if they strive with you on that you set partners with Me that of which you have not any knowldege of, then do not obey them. but keep them in company in the world with kindness; and follow the way of those who turn in repentance to Me. Then to Me will be your return and I shall inform you of what you used to do". (Surah Al-Luqman:14,15).
Allah says in His holy book, "And we enjoined upon man to be dutiful to his parents - his mother bore him in weakness upon weakness and his weaning lasted two years that you be grateful to Me and to your parents. To Me is the destination. But if they strive with you on that you set partners with Me that of which you have not any knowldege of, then do not obey them. but keep them in company in the world with kindness; and follow the way of those who turn in repentance to Me. Then to Me will be your return and I shall inform you of what you used to do". (Surah Al-Luqman:14,15).
And to my children, thanks for the mother's day wishes.... I love you all too very much.
Monday, 4 May 2009
My daily life...keeping an open heart!
I was getting very busy this past few days. I feel like I have to do everything... it certainly feels that way when one gets too tired. But then, a few days ago, I heard a lecture on "IKHLAS" - how one needs to understand the reason behind his/her deeds. Why we do things really matters. We don't do things because we want to get some praises from people... it won't be worth it. It should be more than that - when Allah acknowledges your work, that is when your deeds count. It sure is easy to say than do.
We often complain how people do not acknowledge our work... they don't even say thanks or even mention about it. We often also heard people say like "engkau ingat siapa buat keje ni!" But it sure is good to be able to praise others for how good they have done their job - in Britain, people usually say "That's brilliant!" Even a small task is praised.. Here, people are less expressive.
Actually, we are taught that to be thankful to people is to be thankful to God. How lovely... it is true what Sheikh Abdullah repeatedly stressed to us in his lecture that people around us are tests for us.. Somehow, it is easy after understanding this to go through your life without feeling uneasy or tense. I believe living in Swansea and going through the islamic classes, I am beginning to understand life more, things starting to make sense. That remembering Allah is more about remembering His love than His wrath. And remembering Muhammad p.b.u.h. is clinging to sunnah and missing him as our Idol of life .. In our daily life, we have to always read the signs of Allah and His messages and that things do not happen at random. There must be reasons behind everything. When we understand this, for every small things, there are lessons to learn.
With children, we have to do this all the time... helping them to understand life and relating that to Islam. Only then, it will become a way of life... Allah send messages everyday for those who wants to take heed.
I remember on my way to send Amir back to his school yesterday when he mentioned to me that there was one horrible boy, had a bad attitude. Just recently came back from Umrah, according to Amir, the boy seemed to behave even worst. When our child say this... what do we say? they gets all kinds of advices from many sources.. you name it - the simpson? Mr. Bean? Merlin? The world is an open school but we cannot let just about everyone to be their teachers.
I believe we need to help children to understand that we have no control over other people's behaviour.. so there is no point of backbiting or talking about it with other people than to help the person improve himself. I ask Amir if he is the judge or is Allah the judge of people's behaviour. I told him, if he wants to be the judge, then he is doing Allah's job... which will tire him. Allah does not get tired doing His job.. so let Him be the judge for He is the best of all judges. I told him to stop being judgemental... after all, we are not perfect ourselves.
Oh my! For all I know, I was not advising him but advising myself. That is why I love having conversation with my children... it is not about educating them but reminding myself.
Something funny happened when we were having dinner just before we send Amir off. He said his friend, Nadia was mad at him because he was trying to save his iman and he texted her that he will no longer reply to her messages. He narrated the hadith, DO NOT GO NEAR ZINA. He was taught to stop talking unnecessarily to girls… what can I say? Kids are better learners than us, adults.
As we were driving along the highway, I kept my eyes on the sky. I remember one night when I was watching the stars with amusement (perhaps there were too many stars that night) and called my friend/son, Zakaria… told him to look up there. He told me that he used to lie down under the sky in Sudan watching the stars…. They seldom have clouds!
Sitting beside the driver, I love watching the sky and admiring the beauty of the different shades of blue and white here and there. I told my husband that I look at the sky as a large canvas … Allah’s work of art for He is the best artist. Such incredible blend of colours with different shapes of clouds. On that big canvas, sometimes, I can see islands and oceans, with many different animals, I sometimes can even see dinosour… how powerful are our imagination. I believe between those shades of blue and white, there are messages and signs for us to read. It is open for us to interpret and contemplate. Things are never straight forward ain’t it? And that is what makes life so interesting.
Wallahu a’lam.
We often complain how people do not acknowledge our work... they don't even say thanks or even mention about it. We often also heard people say like "engkau ingat siapa buat keje ni!" But it sure is good to be able to praise others for how good they have done their job - in Britain, people usually say "That's brilliant!" Even a small task is praised.. Here, people are less expressive.
Actually, we are taught that to be thankful to people is to be thankful to God. How lovely... it is true what Sheikh Abdullah repeatedly stressed to us in his lecture that people around us are tests for us.. Somehow, it is easy after understanding this to go through your life without feeling uneasy or tense. I believe living in Swansea and going through the islamic classes, I am beginning to understand life more, things starting to make sense. That remembering Allah is more about remembering His love than His wrath. And remembering Muhammad p.b.u.h. is clinging to sunnah and missing him as our Idol of life .. In our daily life, we have to always read the signs of Allah and His messages and that things do not happen at random. There must be reasons behind everything. When we understand this, for every small things, there are lessons to learn.
With children, we have to do this all the time... helping them to understand life and relating that to Islam. Only then, it will become a way of life... Allah send messages everyday for those who wants to take heed.
I remember on my way to send Amir back to his school yesterday when he mentioned to me that there was one horrible boy, had a bad attitude. Just recently came back from Umrah, according to Amir, the boy seemed to behave even worst. When our child say this... what do we say? they gets all kinds of advices from many sources.. you name it - the simpson? Mr. Bean? Merlin? The world is an open school but we cannot let just about everyone to be their teachers.
I believe we need to help children to understand that we have no control over other people's behaviour.. so there is no point of backbiting or talking about it with other people than to help the person improve himself. I ask Amir if he is the judge or is Allah the judge of people's behaviour. I told him, if he wants to be the judge, then he is doing Allah's job... which will tire him. Allah does not get tired doing His job.. so let Him be the judge for He is the best of all judges. I told him to stop being judgemental... after all, we are not perfect ourselves.
Oh my! For all I know, I was not advising him but advising myself. That is why I love having conversation with my children... it is not about educating them but reminding myself.
Something funny happened when we were having dinner just before we send Amir off. He said his friend, Nadia was mad at him because he was trying to save his iman and he texted her that he will no longer reply to her messages. He narrated the hadith, DO NOT GO NEAR ZINA. He was taught to stop talking unnecessarily to girls… what can I say? Kids are better learners than us, adults.
As we were driving along the highway, I kept my eyes on the sky. I remember one night when I was watching the stars with amusement (perhaps there were too many stars that night) and called my friend/son, Zakaria… told him to look up there. He told me that he used to lie down under the sky in Sudan watching the stars…. They seldom have clouds!
Sitting beside the driver, I love watching the sky and admiring the beauty of the different shades of blue and white here and there. I told my husband that I look at the sky as a large canvas … Allah’s work of art for He is the best artist. Such incredible blend of colours with different shapes of clouds. On that big canvas, sometimes, I can see islands and oceans, with many different animals, I sometimes can even see dinosour… how powerful are our imagination. I believe between those shades of blue and white, there are messages and signs for us to read. It is open for us to interpret and contemplate. Things are never straight forward ain’t it? And that is what makes life so interesting.
Wallahu a’lam.
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