An Unforgettable Independence Day...

There's nothing much to this Independence Day.. not that it is not that important but something of a greater magnitude is here, the Ramadhan month. Indeed, as it has been highlighted, Ramadhan is the best thing that can happen to us and having the Lailatul Qadar is even greater. As Ramadhan is a month where you busy yourself with your worship to God, some of the common activities are a bit neglected. So who cares if your house is abit messy, who cares if you can't prepare a great meal, who cares if you don't have time to prepare for the Eid - nobody cares. The most important is to optimise our time to do what all muslims should busy themselves with - the worshipping acts. "O Allah, have I done my best? What more should I do now? Please guide me, O my Lord.... help me to get Your blessings and mercy and to attain your forgiveness before Ramadhan went away. O Lord, Please give me more time.. " I repeatedly plead to Allah.

Every night usually we sleep quite late. Last night I was listening to a very inspiring talk by someone from Muamalat Bank who was talking about the miracle of charity. Then I dozed off.... and at around 4am, I woke up with a group of men including the police at my bedroom door. I thought they were thieves - but looking at the policeman, I believe there must be something wrong. We were dumbstruck when we discovered that our house was broken into.. we all went down and talk to the policemen and the neighbourhood security guys - Alhamdulillah...nothing was stolen as our next door neighbour came back just on time and saw a man getting out of my house. It was a trial to see if they can get in and indeed they got in after getting a key from the table near the sliding door. But they did not have enough time to do anything.

Subhanallah.. Allah is great! He protected us as He promised that if we sleep after reciting His holy verses, He will send His angles to guard the house - and indeed, we were protected. I had my handbag downstairs but nothing was taken. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

Abu al-‘Abbas ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas, radiyallahu anhuma, reported: One day I was behind the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, and he said to me:

He said, ""O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you (have need to) ask, ask of Allah; and if you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that even if the Nation (or the whole community) were to gather together to benefit you with something, they would not benefit you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with something, they would not be able to harm you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."


So on this Independence Day - 31 August 2010, I feel the highes of greatfulness to my Lord.. repeatedly I say and mean it in my heart..."O Allah, praise be to You... Praise be to You for having the independence and feeling of security and having provision under Your great protection." Allahu Akbar!!

A Quick Getaway....

My Swansea Sheikh reminded us of our flight.. that we are now on a journey - we are on a plane taking off and perhaps now we are among the clouds - travelling to a final destination. How long and short the journey is... Allah knows best.

Not many have the chance to travel and being able to get away from all the hassle and bustle of life is a great blessing. However, it is not so good to do it during Ramadhan, but at time, you can't help it especially when you unintentionally booked. Well, everything happens for good reasons.

I had the chance to go to Bandung.. a very nice old town in Indonesia. I don't know what to expect.. I believe good and bad are everywhere - "Ebony and Ivory", the good old song of the 80’s, remember? How long ago was that - I don't know and who's counting the years? I love Bandung for its old sturdy trees - they look serene and very welcoming, Masya'Allah.

Tourism is highly recommended by Islam. Allah asked us to travel through the earth to take lessons from the other people that came before us. People travel to gain knowledge, learn about history of others and there are too many things that can be learnt from your travel and I have learnt a lot from this one. Oh.. how different people are and how Great Allah is for creating us and posting us to many different parts of the planet earth, experiencing different ways of life. Although we might look the same (being Asian), indeed we are different in many ways. Being there (Bandung & Jakarta) during the fasting month is an experience. Let me just write some lessons learnt and points to ponder upon and this mere sharing of knowledge and experience is a crucial thing in life.

(1) We have to be very grateful to Allah for his bounties and blessings.. how easy our lives are. When you look at how people have to struggle to get food on the table everyday..you just can't stop uttering "Alhamdulillah". You can see their struggle by looking at their faces and the various ways they get their pocket filled - they'll do just about anything.. like singing on the bus, helping drivers to park or turn, beg - one of the ways to beg is by just jumping on any stopped vehicle and beg people for money. The country is huge but perhaps, the corruption problem is also huge. Allah has promised victory for those who follow the religion well, and no religion teaches their followers to do bad – and indeed, Islam comes to perfect our conducts and if you deviate from Islam, you will indeed suffer. I hope those who are living comfortably over there are able to share part of their wealth with the needy. Being poor is one thing but being in poverty is another..and I saw serious poverty problem there!

(2) Be kind to travelers. The family that we stayed with - they are very good people. The husband built his own family business because he doesn't want to be involved with corruption. He is among the few who fear Allah, If only the rest of them realize..... or are they not strong enough to fight with their own nafs?? The family’s hospitability was incredible.. food was prepared for iftar and sahur right on the dot… I was not allowed to help. May Allah reward them with lots of Kindness and Mercy. Luckily I was there for only 3 days.. I really do not want to exhaust my host especially in the month of fasting when one has to increase his/her ibadah (like Quran reading, supplementary prayers etc.).

(3) Plan your shopping well... organize your money well. I did not! I put my money everywhere.. at last, I found unused Rpssss in another wallet when I am already home. Ahhhh! I sighed aloud! But then, I thought - perhaps Allah wanted to tell me that I had enough already. And not to spend too much on things I don't need. I might say they are my needs but Allah knows best and yes, indeed He knows! And I know it too that those are not what I need but what I desire ;-). In fact, when I was doing my chores, it struck my mind how lucky for those who live simple lives – with less clothes to manage, small area to clean and just a few worries in their head. Some of us have 3-story house to clean, 10 wardrobes of clothing to manage and a lot of wealth to worry about. Pity them!!! Well, I know they must have many servants ;-) Managing servants can be a headache too ;-0

(4) When you are there, you'll be tested with beggars - never chase them away or curse them cause Allah sent them to enable you to do good deeds and test you. You need to trust that Allah rewards in multi-folds when you give charity. If you don’t want to give them due to some reasons (perhaps security), go to a mosque and give your charity there instead to compensate – never miss the opportunity to give charity. You will see beggars from all walks of life.. old and young, healthy and unhealthy, able and disable… you name it. Well, we have beggars here too. May Allah help us to be more charitable and help them to find ways to help themselves too. Ameen.

(5) In all situation, when you travel.. keep yourself in good mood. If anything bad happen, have patience. Sometimes, impatience can kill.. kill your mood, I mean! So keep a positive mind and teach yourself to be more tolerant with difficulties. It is not easy to travel on foreign land.. with foreign money, eating foreign food, speaking foreign language.. but Allah creates people in different races/tribes so that you will get to know each other, right? So never look down on others.. .. only Allah knows who is better among us.

(6) Be careful.. keep your things safe. Don’t show others what you have or you might be in trouble – especially the highly valued items. You don’t know the place – so, it is better to play it safe. If you have an expensive camera, leave it. Just take an ordinary camera with you.

(7) Most importantly, watch your prayers and keep dua that you will be safe till you reach home. Prayers are the only thing that keeps you in touch with your Lord – you would love to have your celcom line to be available wherever you go.. so keep your line with Allah clear too! Don’t keep yourself busy with Dunia only.. (well,don’t think of it as a Dunia activity.. while you do shopping, you can buy presents for your family and friends) life should be a balance scale..remember? Also take your Quran with you.. if you can carry 2 or 3 loads of goodies, CAN you NOT carry a Quran… your life manual? Don’t leave home without it!!!

Let us all implore Allah to earnestly guide us all to the best and to reward us for whatever good deeds we do for His sake. Allah Almighty says: (Say (O Muhammad): Travel in the land and see how He originated creation, then Allah bringeth forth the later growth. Lo! Allah is Able to do all things)(Al-`Ankabut 29:20).

When we walk on planet earth now, we should be thinking of all the blessings that He bestowed upon us.. where are we heading and what we really need in life. We are travellers in a true sense - stopping for a while to collect some good things to carry along.. these good things that we have collected - how are we presenting them to Allah - with pride? If not, we better start being selective.. taking only the best with us.. as the plane cannot carry all the garbage you have - like I said, only the good ones. So when the pilot announce that we will be arriving soon, we all want to smile and say.. Yes, Allah - we are ready and eager to meet You!!! If only we ponder more and reflect. Wallahu'Alam. Allah knows best!

IT WAS ONLY A GAME

My nieces and nephew came back this weekend and we decided to go for a bowling game again. Being very young, they don't score much. What a waste of money! Naaaah... althought the ball usually ends up in the gutter, they always enjoy bowling and it is a pleasure to make them happy. They are adorable. So we went - the 5 of us including 2 nieces who are still too young to play but they usually will roam around, climbing and busy themselves with all sorts of activities in the room.

We were playing as usual and this time, they scored well. For the first throw, Adam scored 9 which was excellent for a boy his age, 8 yrs old. So we played and I can see everyone showing better performance than before. Suddenly this man (in his 50's i would guess) who was playing next to us with his friends told me to make sure that the children do not distract them - they are having a match. I looked at the man and smile. I can't say anything but feeling sorry for him. His words were not good - the way he said it did not show any compassion towards children. At his age, I expect something better than that. Well, I know we made a mistake but we are talking about kids here, come on!

How many of us have this passion for children. We need to love them.. teach them things they don't know. If we teach them well, they'll grow up to be fine men and women. They are our hopes - our future. Even the prophet would let his grandson climb his back and horse him around. How passionate he was with children. He always show his affection towards children. He would kiss them, comb their hair with his fingcers, play with them and most of all, he enjoyed having them around. If we don't have love for them, who will they turn to for love? Once you establish the love and affection, it is easy to teach them out of trust and respect.

The man reported us to the manager and we were asked to change lane with someone else, with our perminssion of course. We don't mind - had to play a whole new game again. The children followed my instruction and I told them to have patience. My niece was furious because her score was better before. This time around, we played with less spirit. The balls ended in the gutter more often than before. It is not fair to deprive the children from their rights of having fun. They continue playing for the sake of filling the empty slots with some scores - mostly 0. I believe those mature man who were having their match were acting selfish. We looked at them with dissatisfaction.. I watched them play from afar. Before throwing the ball, some would look further down the lane at the pins as if they were going to swallow them. I saw all sorts of style and the throws were quite powerful compared to ours - my niece's ball would go straight at first but as it approaches the pins, it loses its momentum and....(I don't think I have to finish my sentence). They were serious. For myself, I it doesn't really matter. If the ball ends up in the gutter, I don't have to worry. I don't mind and my team won't mind either. We were there to have fun. To us, it was only a game.

I was just wondering, "If people can be so serious in a game, can they not be serious in seeking Allah's pleasure?"

Allaah says:
“And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him (in Islam), before the torment comes upon you, then you will not be helped. And follow the best of that which is sent downto you from your Lord (i.e. this Qur’an, do what it orders you to do and keep away from what it forbids), before the torment comes on you suddenly while you perceive not.” (Az-Zumar 39:54-55).

SOMETHING GREAT IS COMING THIS WAY ;-)

I wanted to continue with my series of lecture on THE GLORY OF ISLAM - ISLAM IS REVIVING when they asked me to talk about RAMADHAN instead. So last night I looked through the books, browsing the internet to get legitimate facts from reliable references so that I won't be blamed for incorrect teaching. Early this morning, I felt energetic when I was delivering although I was feeling quite anxious before that. I felt like I wanted to talk about everything that had been researched but alas, time was so short. I can only brief them about the preparations of the great month of Ramadhan.


It is really true that when you deliver your messages, you are the one who benefit the most. I feel different today.. so scared that I cannot do what i had preached. Good eh? This is why we have to talk about Islam all the time.. to revive the spirit in our hearts so that our iman will not decrease. I learn from my Hadith class that truly Iman can decrease with the decrease of AMAL, your acts of worship. How good it is to feel that we are close to God. I hope in the month of Ramadhan, I can feel closer to Him. Oh..how I long for Ramadhan but at the same time, I am not sure whether or not I am ready for it. I don't want Ramadhan to go without Allah forgiving me. Please Allah.. do help me!!!

The analogy of the coming and going of Ramadhan is like going to Mecca - the holy land where one is so fortunate to be able to get multi-folds of rewards for any good deeds. So when you are in Mecca, you do lots of acts of worship because you know this is the holy land and you have to maximize or optimize your time. Such a lovely place where you concentrate only in your worship, very little concern of the dunia, Masya'Allah. I remember when I was in the bus leaving the holy land.. my eyes cannot stop looking at the direction of Kaaba while my heart was crying - longing and longing to be there again. It is like departing with your lover and not knowing when you will see each other again.. Subhanallah, such a blessed land that took my heart away. I remember once I wrote an article.. "I left my heart in San Francisco"... sorry, no more San Francisco. My heart was there.. at the very holy land. You just can't describe how beautiful it is to be there. The first time I laid my eyes on the Kaaba, I was.... there is no word to describe. It was so different. It was not like those great glamorous building that people build to impress others - not at all. It was just a normal square thing.. but masya'Allah, when you look at it, all your emotions come together.. you feel the longing, the love, the pleasure, the mercy, the compassion.. aah!!! There is no one word but only SUBHANALLAH - praise be to Allah, lord of the worlds.

Ramadhan is like that.. to be in Ramadhan is fortunate. There is no counting how much reward Allah is preparing for us.. but are we prepared? Are we ready to collect the points? We all want to be victorious when Ramadhan leaves us.. ya, it is not us leaving Ramadhan..but Ramadhan will come and leaves us. But don't let it go without getting mercy, forgiveness and release from the hellfire. Indeed, if we want to be victorious.. we need to be serious about it like increasing our voluntary prayers, charity and protecting ourself from doing maksiat (bad deeds). Evil or bad deeds darken the hearts. How unfortunate if our hearts are dark.. na'uzubillah. O Allah, please help us to purify ourselves..to strengthen our hearts in piety. O Allah please help us to help ourselves. Help us to help others too.

One interesting thing that I had experience recently was meeting with my new Sheikh. I have a new Sheikh now.. I feel happy that Allah is sending someone to us. O Allah, You are great and I am so grateful to you. We met at a nearby mosque, he gave a talk on IKHLAS. I wanted to meet him and I waited until only selected few remained. We gathered around him and everyone took their turns to take pictures and to hug him. Of course, I had to keep my distance as they were all men there. But I stayed with them. Then when I had the chance, I introduce myself.. he called me DR. Such a polite and well-mannered man. He reminds me of Sheikh Abdullah Yassin.. the way he speaks - very proper and careful, Subhanallah.

Then I was thinking.. it is not easy to be them.. the knowledgeable people, especially when you are really well-known and having lots of fan. I make doa that he will not change.. May Allah keep him on His straight path... let him deliver his knowledge with humbleness like he always does, let him be merciful too - aproachable and respectable. O Allah, these are the people who can help us.. to guide us, to set an example for us..please O Allah. We need them.. and please ease our path in seeking the knowledge of the religion. Help us to increase our piety and forgive us for what we know not.

Talking about having fans. I read about Saidina Ali r.a. who would say this when he was praised "O Allah, please forgive me for what they know not, please make me better than what they said about me, and please don't blame me for their thoughts on me". This doa is beautiful and I believe those people who are knowledgeble, they are wise people too. They are only seeking Allah's mercy and compassion. So praises don't leave marks in their hearts. May Allah help them in their effort to revive Islam, ameen.

Rasulullah said, "O Muslims! Fear Allah and obey Him. I give you glad tidings as the month of Ramadhan is approaching. This is the month in which the Qur’aan was revealed as a guidance for mankind, as well as a clarification and differentiation between truth and falsehood".

And as Ramadhan is approaching, I am feeling hopeful - as if I am going to Macca when I think of the bounties. I will be there, insya'Allah and the reward is tremendous.. and I am smiling because something great is coming this way...... Subhanallah, YOU ARE GREAT!!!

Missing you, Princess....

I kissed you and let you go. This time was not like before. I was sad because you came back for only 3 weeks - shorter than planned. I waved at you and there you were, rushing through the crowds to get to your boarding gate. My mind crawled back to 20 some years and realised how fast time moves - my chidren, they are leading their own lives. Now you are already almost in your final year, getting ready for your career.

This time I feel like it was a dream, having you at home. 3 weeks was very short - so many things were left unsaid and no time to do what we have planned before. Allah knows best. But we managed to do our family portrait, although without your sister. It was alright.

People do change through time. You do too. I can see that you are stronger and louder in your words and actions. You are full of determination and very confident. I love you, my princess and my prayers are with you always. I pray that your journey is well. I know you'll feel the same when you reach Leeds - When you wake up tomorrow, you will feel like it was all a dream. Nice dream eh? I know I will take some time to readjust myself to not having you home. After a few days, I'l be alright and you will be back to your daily schedule. Insya'Allah, we'll meet again. Perhaps we'll meet again when it snows ;-)

All the best, my princess... be strong like you always do!

Good bye, My beloved sister!

Saying goodbye is never easy. Let alone saying it for good... to someone who is close to you... a sister.

It was yesterday, Wednesday night, May 26, when the sad news came to me. My elder sister passed away, leaving 6 children – she was the 4th in the family. There were 9 of us.. now, only 8 left. I watched the proceedings and all those while, I was saying to myself.. this is the end of us. What are we searching for in life?? Comfort? Wealth? Position? Power? All those will be left behind.. leaving you with the white cloth wraped around your naked stiffed body.

I watched her laying there…there was only white coverings...all tightly wrapped. It felt sad .. I remember her smile.. her laughter.. her jokes..... her eyes... We were close. We were like buddies when we were young. She used to bring me my lunch box when I was in secondary school. She was always helpful, generous, happy, kind… as a child, she was very adventurous..I must say. She was in a play once in a big hall in our town .. her role was a troublesome tomboy….I think she loved that role.. I still remember that day.. she wore the red jeans! I wore the jeans when it fitted me years later.

We shared many great moments together - good and bad too. There were too many memories.. they all rushed into my head as I watched her… I miss her so much. We have not seen each other that much. I was very busy with my work.. she stopped working for sometime due to her deteriorating health. Knowing that too didn’t caused me to visit her that often.. There were so many things I wished I had done for her..

The night when she passed away.. I was thinking of her. She usually call just to say ‘hi’. Perhaps she was thinking of us before she went. We were all there… all 8 of us and our mom. I don’t know how my mom felt. Her sadness must be different than ours. When I looked at the children, I can’t help myself feeling sorry for them.. but Allah is most Merciful Most Kind.. who are we to feel sorry… They have gone through a lot. Their father passed away 4 years ago. I was in UK then. When we were leaving the house, the youngest, 8 years old, cried… he must have felt insecure.. not having his mom around. I wrapped my arms around him but I don’t know what to say.. I can’t say that everything will be alright… as it won’t for sometime. He had to deal with the fact that his mom will not be there anymore. They were very close .. I remember the time when I visited them.. he did the ”story-telling” in front of us.. his mom was coaching him – looking proud at her youngest son. Abdullah is indeed a smart boy with bright eyes and cheeky smile. Then I rewarded him and he was so happy.

I watched the end of my sister… when the soil were flattened and there was no sign of her anymore. The ‘talkin’ was recited and we listened with our hearts. We were told the meaning of life.. that everything was just temporary and the ultimate, is our Lord. Her name was called upon to tell her what was expected to happen…but indeed the note was meant for us. We waited there until everything was over. That was indeed the end of a person - a sister whom I loved so much- Hamidah. As I stepped away from her grave, my mind was with her.. what was in store for her.. She was indeed a kind and generous person but still, she must be scared, being left alone there without her family around.. we can't do anything but pray..

‘O Allah, forgive and have mercy upon her, excuse her and pardon her, and make honorable her reception. Expand her entry, and cleanse her with water, snow, and ice, and purify her of sin as a white robe is purified of filth. Exchange her home for a better home, and her family for a better family, and her spouse for a better spouse. Admit her into the Garden, protect her from the punishment of the grave and the torment of the Fire.’

‘O Allah, forgive our living and our dead, those present and those absent, our young and our old, our males and our females. O Allah, whom amongst us You keep alive, then let such a life be upon Islam, and whom amongst us You take unto Yourself, then let such a death be upon faith. O Allah, do not deprive us of her reward and do not let us stray after her’.

‘O Allah, my sister, Hamidah is under Your care and protection so protect her from the trial of the grave and torment of the Fire. Indeed You are merciful and truthful. Forgive and have mercy upon her, surely You are The Oft-Forgiving, The Most-Merciful’.

As I recited my doa while leaving, my tears were rolling down my cheeks. I had to say good bye ... I love you, sis and will always do. You will always be in my heart, insya’Allah.




The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) says,'Surely the heart rusts like iron.' People inquired, 'How can it be polished?' He (s.a.w.s.) said, 'By remembering death and with the recitation of Quran.' (Nahjul Fasahah)
“…verily, the death from which you run away, will, surely, overtake you & will send you back to the Knower of the visible & invisible things & He will then inform you of what you used to do.” (Q. 62:8)

Amir's Birthday again.....

A few weeks back, you wrote a poem about your Swansea friends... I know you still miss them and thought that they are irreplaceable. To you, Liam will always be your best friend. I know Swansea to you is home sweet home. But open your heart.. you might find some more kindred spirits around! It is not so bad here...

Today is your 14th birthday – I have too many things to say to you but I don’t want to exhaust you…Today is a significant mark in your life – I believe all birthdays are good markings of our lives as they are indicators of opportunities Allah gives us to improve ourselves – more time, insya’Allah. As a mother, I always have my hopes and anxiety, watching my children grow especially at their tender young age can be exhausting but rewarding, of course. During these years, you should set your path…where you want to go and where you would like to be. For the unfortunates, Allah put barriers in their hearts where they cannot see what is right and what is wrong due to their own doings and their stubbornness to accept Allah’s commands. May Allah select us to be among those whom Allah loves and guides.

My son, Amir,
I wish you Happy Birthday! This year, you are no longer in an Islamic school – no more SMIH. That doesn’t mean we are bringing you up as a secular person – never! I know I should not take you away from that school but that was what you wanted, perhaps you don't like the idea of being away from us! I guess we don’t have any choice as I watched you getting depress and exhausted. I am doing my best to keep you safe and prepare you for a better future. There is nothing I would like to have more than to have my son understands Islam - be a knowledgeable person, have good influence and a role model for those your age.

When I look at your friends at SMIH, I know they are indeed your good friends. I am glad we celebrated your birthday again with them… Let me recap their advices when I asked them to say something to you. They said, Amir….
o Watch your prayers as they are pillars of Islam. Without them, you will collapse.
o Don’t forget your Duha prayers… (I remember how you used to call me around 11 to check whether or not I have done my Duha)
o Do your supplementary fasting… at least 3 days a month if not, Mondays and Fridays (you tried your very best to do your fasting every Monday and Friday.. I was afraid you might not be strong enough but you were).
o Do your Qiam (night prayer) as it takes you closer to Allah. I also remember when you were home last year, sometimes you would ask me to wake you up for night prayers)
o Be careful when you befriend girls… when there are only the two of you, the third is the devil. (I remember how you would always talk about this hadith… wala takrabuzzina….and tell me how your ustaz always reminds you all of the danger of it) .
o Obey your parents, be kind to them.. as they always want good things for you. (A few months at SMIH, you were showing a lot of progress.. you were very careful when you talk to me.. you were so gentle and obedient – I don’t mean you are no longer obedient but it is incredible how fast the improvements were).
o Be kind with people… in the class, do not disturb others. Always mind your manners.
o Most importantly, read the Quran a lot and learn Hadith as they provide guidance in our lives. Read and understand them and you’ll be safe. (When you came home from your hostel, you would ask me to read the arab style.. the right way of reading, you said).

I am sure you remember these advices. I hope these boys will always stay as your friends because I like them and I know they are the circles of friends you’ll be safe with… I know you miss SMIH but you hide it from me.

Amir, I don’t know what to plan for you now… I have so many ideas but time is against me… Going to a nearer school, you are always tired when you reach home. Perhaps the weather or may be because you feel lonely - there's only the three of us at home now. Please let me help you explore your potential because I know you are special. Please let me assist you to not waste your time like kids your age do – too much internet and TV are not good. I will help you if you let me… I love you and want the best for you, my son. Happy Birthday, love! May this year be filled with joy and happiness… and some kindred spirits to share them with you too….find good friends, my son! Always find good friends!

Mama