Happy Birthday, Nurul dear!

Happy Birthday, Nurul dear!

When you were born, I thought you looked like your grandad,
I was happy and so was your dad,
We were told of your difficulties but we were happy anyway,
We knew you were so special and we have to be strong..."come what may".

Your eyes were bright and you had that curly smile,

You were so cute and tiny, your fingers liked to wrap up mine,
You were a shy little girl and to me, you were very dear,
We shared our laughter and tears, beneath all there were always fear.

Our time were short and I cherished every moment,
Life were full of unexpected but I know you were very strong,

Your hardship and suffering, how can I incline?
But Allah knows best and things must go as planned,
When He says, “With every difficulties, there is ease”, I finally comprehend.

We ran on the beach one day as waves were chasing after us,
It was only my wild dream as hopes were always here,
It can never happen now but I am content and happy anyway,
As I know that you are safe for Allah is the best protector,
Whoever is a believer, he will not grieve nor fear.

The birthday wishes won’t do you any good, but I want to wish you anyway,
Happy Birthday Nurul… we love you and miss you, dear!

Mama.
Nurul was born on the 31 Mac 1991 and stayed with us until 10 July 1992.

GOOD LUCK, KAK LONG!

Dear kak long,

It’s been nice to have a break with you while you needed it so. Penang is beautiful and we really enjoyed the brief holiday. Being a medical student for almost 5 years now, not counting 2 years of IB, I understand that life was quite stressful at times or most of the time. When you were in Dublin, we got to see you more often – you flew to Swansea frequently and we had such a nice time every time you came over. You dad thought you look livelier then – he remembers how you used to look so happy and cheerful. I guess it was the weather, the 4 different seasons and changing colours of leaves and flowers around you makes life so dynamic and exciting.

It was like yesterday when you were in school. You were always having good grades and we don’t even have to tell you to do your readings nor homeworks. You set a good example to your sister and I guess that is why she decided to be a medical student too. You were never difficult, always tolerant and kind. You were never too demanding and very reasonable. What more can we ask from a first born?

Kak Long dear,
I know you are exhausted with your exams and study. I know things aren’t that easy to cope with. I know there are other things in life that you wished for. But we all know that Allah is always just and He will help you. He knows how good you are as a daughter and what you deserve in life. We should have that trust at all times. I wish you all the success in this world and the hereafter. I wish for all my children to be successful in their lives and most importantly, to be happy with what they are doing.

Your final exam is just around the corner. In no time, you’ll end your medical school and out you go to the real world - more challenging, demanding and it can be fun too. Life is so full of surprises, hopes and rewards. Think of all the good things that life has brought to you and what the future holds – that should be a good motivation to go forward.

Therefore, I hope you will gather yourself, collect all the motivations you need for the coming exams and wish you’ll pass with flying colours. I don’t know whether or not you would want to pursue the challenging career of a doctor but you are almost there now. I know sometimes, you do mention your uncertainties and Allah knows best… One thing for sure is that - with your personality and your kindness, I know you can be a good doctor. But of course, PERFECTION TAKES TIME. So don’t worry. Just take one step at a time and make sure you are able to pull this through… you have struggled so much. An Arabic proverb says, “What is destined will reach you, even if it be underneath two mountains. What is not destined, will not reach you, even if it be between your two lips!”
My duas and hopes are with you always. Please forgive us if we have said anything that we should not have or otherwise, if we have not done anything that we should have or otherwise.. but know for sure that we love you so much and will be supporting you all the way.

May Allah bring you success and happiness, amen.
All the best, my love! Chayyyooooook!!!

mama

Happy Birthday AMIR

It's Amir's Birthday, Sunday 8 March 2009. We went to Amir's school and celebrated his birthday with 13 of his closest friends. They are very nice kids... I am grateful that Allah send good children to be around him. We had cakes and food in one of the classrooms. They sang "Allah selamatkan kamu", we chatted, exchanged riddles, took pictures - in short, lots and lots of fun. Before we left, I gave him a card and a letter......

Dear son,

Today is your 13th birthday. Happy Birthday, Amir! Let me just give you advices like mothers always do.

After 4 years of living in UK, we are back home now. I know it is difficult to adapt back to Malaysian life but I am sure you will be ok, insya’Allah. God willing, one day we’ll go back there for holiday or even you might be going back for your university. If you strive hard and make the correct intentions, Allah will help, insya’Allah.

I want you to be successful in your life. I have friends who we claim to be very successful in their lives. The problem with us is that we always measure ‘success’ by our own standard. We usually put wealth into perspective when it comes to ‘success’. I want you to see life differently.

If we have a pure heart, it might be easier to see. Our hearts can be so corrupted that we cannot see clearly what is right and what is wrong. People can be ambitious and forget about the real life. The worst thing that can happen to anyone is to love the world and to be scared of death. Remember one night in Swansea when we both watched a video showing Imam Al-ghazali’s poem. We were both near tears by his view of death. It is now my motivation of life and death. That life is not what we are striving for but it is life after death. Because when we can please Allah in this life, death will be a wonderful experience. Isn’t meeting your lover is something anyone would look forward for? And I’ve learnt that loving Allah will lead you to love his apostle, Muhammad s.a.w. I want you to love Allah and to have the love of Rasullullah s.a.w. in your heart. So that when the word Allah is mentioned, your heart will be touched. Likewise, when the name Muhammad s.a.w. is mentioned, your heart will be longing to meet him. It isn’t easy to have such hearts. You are 13 now. Do you know those people who are much older than you - most of them do not have Allah and Rasullullah s.a.w. in their hearts yet. Many have not reached there yet. Allah selected some people and left the rest. Those who choose to be guided and those who choose not to be guided – are they not different?

Today, my worry about you is lessening. For the past few weeks, I’ve seen you grow wisely. You have shown a lot of improvements. I am very proud of you, son. I want you to grow up to be someone extra special. I want you to live your life in a way that would benefit those people around you. I want you to do dakwah and to do it out of your love for Islam. I want Allah and Rasulullah s.a.w. to be in your heart. I want you to always put Allah in your top priority list. Whenever you want to do anything, I want you to think whether or not you would please or displease Him. When you have Allah in your heart, I shall not worry about you anymore. You will then strive for His sake. You will always want to try your very best. You will always want to help people not because you want anything in return but you will do that to please Him, insya’Allah.


My beloved Amir,

Your grandma, your dad’s mother was a special person. When we were in United States, she used to write to your dad and she would put such lovely words. I used to admire the letters. The first time I read it, I was like dumbstruck – I’ve not seen such words (we did not keep them unfortunately) because if you read the letters, you can see her love for him. May Allah bless her soul and gather her among His righteous servants. I don’t know how to write such. But I know that I love you very much and I have such high hopes for you, probably more than what I expected from your sisters. They are lovely sisters, aren’t they? I believe you are grateful for having them around.

Amir,
If I don’t give you the rights of a son, I will be sinning (You did asked me about this once). One of the most important rights for a son is to get good education. I believe now you are in good hands. Your teachers - they are people who knows what they are doing and where they want to go. You need people like them to be around you. I am sorry for the lost hours when I was doing my PhD. I know you had to stay home alone and your companions were just TV and internet. May Allah forgive your dad and I for not spending enough time with you and I hope you forgive us. This is our way of compensating our faults – to make sure you get good education/upbringing.

Amir dearest,
Happy Birthday … May Allah bless you and help you to excel. May Allah guide you always and keep you on His path. May Allah soften your heart as He has soften the heart of Saidina Umar, the one who was aggressively opposing Islam but then became the companion of the greatest man in history. Subhanallah! I pray that Allah will be please with you and that He has a great plan for you. I pray that you will be among those who are grateful for the bounties bestowed upon you. Remember that Allah said,

"If My servants ask you about Me, I am near. I answer the call of the caller when he calls on Me. They should therefore respond to Me and believe in Me so that hopefully they will be rightly guided". (Surah al-Baqara: 186)

Therefore, pray hard and my prayers are with you always.

Happy Birthday, honey!

mama

Some things are NOT worth fighting for?

We went to the movie and watched Changeling last weekend. It is not something we usually do but since Amir really wanted to go for his outing, we went but we make sure that it must be worth the time spent. It is about a mom fighting for her missing son. The movie is full of emotion - emotion of someone losing something that was the world to her, emotion of someone who was oppressed, lied to, brutalised for all the wrong reasons ... in short, it is about fighting for your rights. And as Clint Eastwood is the director, you can see Clint Eastwood thingy in the movie -  the theme is about fight where it says, do not start a fight but always finish it!  

Do we really need to finish a fight? I used to believe we should fight till the end. We should stand firm. But as I grow older and learn from my experiences, I now believe some things are not worth fighting for. You can have a principle and stick to your principle. You can have a stand and stick to your stand. You can show people how much a thing means to you when you stand for it. But at times, we should just let it go. It is not a cowardy thing. You don't have to feel bad about it. I believe sometimes it is a brave thing to do for a hero to leave the scene.

I faced an issue this week about having rights. Things in life is not like a, b, c where you can clearly see what they are... things/events happen in abstract ways and you need wisdom to handle them. When an issue befalls you, suddenly it MAGNIFIED because it is all about ME, I ... try talking to some people, it might not seems that big anymore. Or it might even seems bigger if you add some special effects to it. That is why, when you have any ill feelings towards someone, you should not mention it.. it will strengthen your thoughts/feelings. 

The devil works in mysterious ways.. they are clever and we should be cleverer because Allah teaches us not to backbite or if we don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all. If we follow the guidance, we will be at peace. Allah said those who backbites will not enter paradise. Fear Allah!

Back to the issue... when you have fought your way through and you still can't get it, have trust that Allah is keeping something better for you. If we all can have that trust, wouldn't life be easier.. Some people learn the hard way about fighting rights. I have my own lesson to learn. I once fought for something that I truly believe should be mine, I got it but end up having lots of troubles just by having it. It is an embarrassing thing to discuss. But as Allah conceal our shame, should we expose it? Believe me, I have had my share! 

When you have experience many different things in life, sometimes mistakes happen many a times because they don't appear in the exact similar way and the devil (devil faults again!) makes you think like.. oh, this time it is different. But if you have any problem, think rationally. Think of all the possibilities.. if it is just something you can do without, leave it! Tell yourself that it is not the end of the world. Don't spend your energy unwisely.  It is good to live a healthy live with a peaceful heart. Maintain a good relationship with everyone. I read Imam Al-Ghazali's book this morning. It says everyone deserves your good words, even those who treat you badly.

But when do we know that a fight is not worth fighting for? Nobody has the answer. Sheikh Abdullah said, ask your heart. Your heart can have a fatwa. If you die tomorrow, will you be proud of the actions that you took. If you take any action that will jeopardise your relation with others, perhaps you should step back. Always think of others when you do anything. Try not to think too highly of yourself. Allah said those who have ego will not enter paradise. It is not worth anything when you displease ALLAH. He is the love of our life and we want to meet our prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. We want to stand tall in front of him so that he would be able to smile and said, Yes.. you are my follower. If you really love him.. you will be more wise in your actions, I suppose! 

May Allah help us all in everything that we do. I know, I use to say, I am a fighter. I feel proud when people say, YOU ARE A FIGHTER. But sometimes we need to ask ourselves, IS IT WORTH FIGHTING FOR?

A promising tomorrow

It has been like 4 weeks since Amir went to boarding school. I know I miss him so much as he is the baby in the family. I miss my 2 sweet daughters too but I am sure they are fine and I don't want to feel sad because they have bright future in front of them... However they grow, they are still our babies and we sometimes want to just hug and kiss them like we used to when they were in our arms. 

Amir calls almost every night. He will make sure he can hear my voice before he goes to sleep. Sometimes, he would put 50 cent and watch anxiously at the meter. When the credit was almost over, he would say "I love you" many times until the line was over. He once told his dad that he was afraid to be away because he might not be able to "find" us when we comes home. That was his concern when we sent him to Tahsin Quran at Ulu Langat. We had to go back and forth to KL many a times just to convince him to stay. 

Now, we can see improvements in Amir's attitude. He has changed. He starts doing homeworks and reads his books. But one thing that motivates him the most is the fact that he wants to go back to UK. He wants to make sure that he can go to UK university. I told him that if he gets good grades, I'll send him there, insya'Allah. 

Alhamdulillah... it seems that tomorrow is brighter. Like Anne Shirley said, tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes. I pray that Amir's tomorrow is happier now ... with friends who can help him to excel. Ameen.

MOTHERS...

I believe many of us underestimate mothers. And how important they are in our lives. Allah said that even looking at our mothers with love is a good deed and will be rewarded. In life, everyone is trying ot achieve the highest - we strive very hard and sometimes, we forget that we need mothers' blessings. I've had many different incidents that are relevant to this issue but it is very time consuming to write. Anyway, recently I was troubled with a problem of a family whose children are having different kids of misconduct... not only minor misconduct but involve in things that you can't imagine. I tried to think of how this is possible and I can't find the answers.... our team was trying to solve some of the problems without really analysing the real issue.

So one time, I went to this person whom I know is a very religious and knowledgeable man. I narrated the story and told him of the troubles.. His answer was easy. He said he saw only one problem.. the real cause of the whole thing. He said I have to look at the relationship between the mother of these children with her own mother. There must be some problems leading to all these .. If you want your children or your life to be blessed, you must have a good relationship or blessings from your mom. This is an essential part of life.

I now see the root of the problem. I believe if I can treat the root of the problem, perhaps I would not waste alot of time treating the problem. I don't know if I have the strength to help the family but I hope Allah will give us the chance to help and make things that are good for them easy.

Another thing about forgiving... most of us claimed that we forgive others everytime. But at one point or another, we keep talking about it.. we keep on saying things like .. "if only he did like i said.. " or "I told him that and he .... ", mentioning other people's mistake over and over again and at the same time, claiming that you forgave them. Now I realise that forgiving is wiping off the marks as if it was never there. When Allah forgives us, He will not mention our mistakes ever again. So it is important for mothers to remember that your children need your forgiveness and that once you forgive, you also need to forget about it... they need our blessings. Life is too short to hold grudges. I need to remind myself and others about this so that our family will be blessed and Allah will be pleased.

Time to reflect - Reunions

It is not easy to be able to meet old friends. In those days when there was no internet, friendster or facebook, we used to carry with us autographs for our friends to sign and put memorable words. Everyone would try to write something special that others have not written before but as kids, we don't get too many fancy stuff.. so we began copying from one another. I did not have very good autograph as they are considered quite expensive to my standard in those days. When I went to further my study in United States, I've lost all my books or papers as the family needed more room for more important stuff. With 9 siblings in a house, keeping a personal belonging aren't personal anymore. I've lost my things and there goes my friends. They all went everywhere... overseas and locals that keeping track of everyone is almost impossible. 

When I was in UK, I found out that a few of my friends had successfully gather some of our classmates - some of us were in the same class since we were in year one to year six and had not seen each other since then. How long is that - it had been almost 33 years.... Anyway, last week, I managed to meet some of them. Not many turned up but it was okay. I don't mind not meeting everyone but to meet a few is already a blessing. We hugged each other and recalled those days when we were that innocent little girls and boys. Some remember how they used to admired one another...How sweet were we!! I said friends are like mirrors. If you want to know yourself, ask them. And mirrors do not usually lie...

Many remember me as this neat little girl, my mom used to comb my hair with lots of brylcream. Some remember that I used to get among top marks in math... that I remember! I also used to chase this chinese boy while waiting for our bus to fetch us from school. This chinese boy had passed away - he reverted to Islam in secondary school. I talked about that too.. Some of our friends faces were not as we remembered but as we chatted along, the smiles and the expressions brought back the familiarity.. 

Actually when I looked at my friends, I saw myself. We were kindred spirits and we learned many different things together - big or small. There were many memories that has long gone - we can't even remember .. perhaps they are not worth remembering.. but to be able to meet and to share a moment of your childhood is so sweet. Kids are not like colouring books for you to fill with your favourite colours (Kite Runner). They grow with what they have or see around them and these are the boys and girls I played with. I haven't met many more but hopefully I would be able to one day.

I guess everyone's childhood is the same one way or another. When I watched Little House on the Prairie, I can see all the different characters existed in my childhood friends. Nellie Olson character was played by a friend in our class who's influence was so great that everyone imitated her in almost everything. She was the trend setter.. how cool! My class was the best class in the school as we have the best graders and some of us were very consistent (excluding me).  I was going up and down the graph but managed to maintain being among the best of friends. 

I pray to Allah that my friends are all doing well. That Allah helps and guide us all along the path of our lives. It doesn't matter what position they hold in their companies or how much wealth they have gathered.. what matters is that Allah is please with us all. If Allah is pleased, then we can have another great reunion under the shade of a tree in Jannah. This is the best thing that can happen to any friendship. 

I remember one day when Amir was at home. He was scribing in a book and I asked what he was doing. He looked at me with worried eyes... he said he can't recall all his friends' names - those who were with him at Bishop Gore. I know he misses his school and friends so much. I did not pay much attention to his comment as I don't want to think too much and get upset. But I promise myself that I will take him again to the place where he once called HOME.. perhaps it is still HOME to him. All I can do is to help him to make the most of what he has and to help him build a better tomorrow. 

May peace and blessings of Allah be with you!