Viva is around the corner

Life is interesting. You sometimes will come to a critical point in your life that you will think like .. that's it!!! If i can go through this, a magic door will open for me! A whole new world will begin. That is how I think of my viva. Many people who do PhD would think the same, I guess. We, the PhD students will always say something like.. oo, I'll do this after PhD. It is like your whole life is on hold, just sitting there in idle waiting for the PhD to end. And my viva is coming!! I don't know what to feel. I woke up in the middle of the nights thinking about it. Sometimes, I just can't go over my thesis anymore... 4 years is too long already. Imagine people do PhD in Germany for 7 years.

Once this PhD is over, I have alot of stories to tell. Hope I can compile them in a book - the twists and turns of a PhD student's life. Wouldn't it be great!!! May Allah help us all in our journey towards success in this world and the hereafter.

Finishing Line... Ready Set Go..... FINISH!!!!

I started my PhD in 2004 when i thought it was time to upgrade myself. I had an idea how bad PhD life could be but now, looking back at those years of struggling with my PhD, it believe those days were one of the best days of my life. Of course there were ups and downs but they surely have taught me lots of things and giving me more time to get connected to many different elements of life.

I have been given few dates for my coming viva... the most important and crucial point of any PhD student's life. Mine would be around this coming Eid. May Allah make easy whatever is good for us. Once I have passed this viva, I wish to do so many different things - people always say this. They will put something as a condition to do something else. But really... there are many things one can do in life.

I have notice that in Malaysia, charity work is still a stranger to many. Hopefully I can start doing it and invite others especially my students. I want them to be graduates who are connected to their society, who can help build society and be kind to others who need help.

Another thing that we all should do is DAKWAH - spreading Islam or educating the non-muslims. Insya'Allah.. I plan to do this and get the students active in doing it too, insya'Allah. Got to go now.. Wasalam.

ARE WE AT HOME???

We are now in Malaysia..after living in UK for 4 years. I love swansea. Although PhD life is full of twists and turns, life was good there. We have many good friends even the imam of the mosque is our close friend. Before we left, they threw a party for me..sister Hala from Egypt was the one who organised it. She is very good at organising any events. Other sisters was there too.. we had been together for so long and now we feel very close. I love these sisters.. regardless where they are from, we share many beautiful moments together. The university mosque has been a meeting place for good people..alhamdulillah. Allah has been very kind to send us good friends that we cherished all our lives. I know I am going to miss the mosque and the mosque community terribly.

Sheikh Mohsen - our imam from Egypt. He is a hafeez, knowledgeable and always willing to help. I have followed most of his classes since he came. He taught us tajweed, arabic, hadith.. and answers almost anything we want to know. We were so lucky to have an imam who is very approachable, kind and at the same time, has sense of humour. Adam - a nigerian student doing Masters - is a very hardworking person. He never complains when he cleans the mosque after any events. The most important is that he does it with sincerity. Always smile and kind to everyone. I believe the mosque is blessed to have him. Fatma - my newly founded friend who is very keen in learning the tajweed. We spend many hours reading and discussing the tajweed together. I miss those good moments together. We also have sister Mahfuza and so many other sisters who are dear to my heart - we share beautiful time together at the mosque. If not in this dunia, we make doa that Allah will gather us again in Jannah, ameen. Perhaps there, we can sit under the shade of a tree and talk old times together ..


I miss Swansea University mosque. This has been home to me for 4 years. When i stayed in Swansea, we (the family) moved to different houses trying to find comfort in many ways but the mosque is always there - for me to feel close to Allah and to learn more about the religion. Like I said, Allah reveals knowledge in different levels and the mosque was where I found myself discovering new things and in teaching myself to have trust in Him. Sometimes we thought we have the trust but we might not. If we have trust in Allah, there will be no fear and no grief. We are all striving our best but we might not have strive hard enough. Lets make dua that Allah will help us in keeping us in Iman and continuously receiving guidance from Him.

The night before leaving Swansea, we hugged each other (the sisters) and hope to see each other again when I come back for my viva in October, insya'Allah.
I miss them now.. I love the environment where I found friendship, peace and serenity in my heart. That is the place where I found greater light.. the lights Allah send through people around me - Sheikh Dr. Abdullah Yassin (our sudanese sheikh), Brother Assim, Brother Arjan and other people too. May Allah reward them tremendously and help them in their effort to help revive Islam in the muslim hearts. Hopefully there are many others like them.


Now we are here, in Malaysia. It is not that we are not happy to be home but we are still adapting to the new life. My son, Amir is going through many different experiences. I guess it is quite an emotional procesa at the same time. The night when we arrived at our house, he said to me "We did not get home, we left home". My heart cried listiening to his words - the words came from him. How true! I felt the same but I can't say that to him! I have to give him confidence that this is home or perhaps, sooner or later, we will feel at home. A few days later, he started to enjoy playing with his cousins so things were not so bad. But he then said, "I can't believe I said this but I missed school". He said that it is like you have lots and lots of money and suddenly you got bankcrupt. That was how he described his new life.. losing his friends and back to having no friends. This was when he had not started his schooling.

After a few days, we got news that he was accepted by his old school. We sent him to his class and we could see gleaming faces when they saw Amir. All his friends remember him and was so excited about having this UK boy in their class again. So now, Amir is quite happy. We were so pleased that now, he enjoys school. In fact, on the second day, he asked us to send him to the night class when he wore his dad's shirt to look cool. Indeed, he looked cool. He likes to maintain his coolness. Last night, we sent him to the barber and he got a cool haircut. He got admirers in the class!!! He told us that yesterday, after he read a passage, the children clapped their hands. I admit that his english is very impressive, especially pronounciation. Well, I am just glad that he enjoys school now!!

In life, we will undergo many different changes and in general, no one likes changes. People are scared of changes because there are too many uncertainties. But I believe as long as we have trust that Allah will decree what is good for us, we should never fear nor grief. What is planned for us will happen and it is up to us to either be grateful or to complain all the time. To be grateful is the best blessing one can have. May Allah include us among those who are successful - in this life and in the hereafter. May Allah continuously guide us with His light wherever we are. AMEEN.

DREAM

Dream is a very interesting subject. Some people talk about things they cannot do but wish to achieve as DREAM. But i like the topic of real dream. They said dream is 1/46 of prophethood. It is just to say that it is special. Allah has different ways of conveying His message to us and one of them is through dreams. And when people has many good dreams, it can be a good sign from Allah.. perhaps Allah wants you to pay attention to some important things in your life that needs some focusing.. but don't be confident that when you have good dreams, it is a guarantee that you will enter paradise.. everyone has to strive hard. Even Firaun dreamt that his kingdom will destroy (which became true). However, it is said that to be able to have good dreams, you need to be highly spiritual.. means you need a connection with Allah. I am not a master of dreams but i really love to have good dreams. I know someone who can interpret dreams... and i have heard stories about dreams that i would like to share.

One time this person had a dream. She dreamt that one day, the world suddenly turned dark. It was very dark that everyone was so silent and stand still .. waiting for something awful to happen. She was so scared but after a few minutes, the world turned bright again. She then went to someone - this person is a righteous person, who knows the religion well. They talked about the phenomena and this persons said that, during Rasullullah's time, when it happened, he would go inside and search for somewhere with light.. he would not stay in the dark. He would stay in the light until it turns bright again. After the dream, she woke up and felt very scared. Is it a good dream or a bad dream.. but because there is this righteous man who talked about rasulullah s.a.w., she believes it must be a good dream. It might be a warn or something. So she asked her sheikh who is very good at interpreting dreams.

Her sheikh said that you have lights inside of you. Use that light and don't rely on the light outside because it can dark outside. Things can be confusing out there.. use the light from your heart to guide you. She got a very short interpretation of the dream because her sheikh is a busy man.. she doesn't want to burden him with her unimportant agenda.. So when she thought about the matter, the interpretation is right.. going inside and search for the light.. is going into your heart and ask your heart to guide you.. that is if you have a strong IMAN and well guided. Alhamdulillah.. she was happy with the interpretation.

Then 2/3 days after that, she was staying up late and she thought she wanted to listen to the talk of Sheikh Anwar Al-Awlaki, a famous scholar who's talks are numerous on the internet... so she listened to the talk on the signs of the day of judgement. Suddenly when it reach to the part about the time when there was a great fitnah.... she was just like listening to the interpretation of her dream again. This time, the same word was said by Anwar Al-awlaki. He said, there will be time when the fitnah will be great and you will have to be prepared. Your heart must be strong and filled with IMAN. At that time, you cannot rely on the outside. You need the light from your heart to guide you. It means you have to ask your heart of a fatwa. The fitnah will be so great that your resource has to be your own heart. That is why you need to learn about Islam now so that when the time come, you would be ready for that.

Listening to the talk, she was speechless. This is exactly what she dreamt about. The exact word.. the exact interpretation... Subhanallah! Look at how Allah wants to emphasize things to us.. we dream and we repeatedly hear the same thing over and over again from different people so that the main point is emphasized. Allah is great. Can you imagine how she must have felt? Isn't great??

I've known people who had ayatul quran in their dreams.. they saw the ayat on a wall or something.. one time, a person saw the 1,000 dinar ayah in her dream. She saw it decorated beautifully on a hill. It meant that she has the trust in Allah now... isn't it lovely to see ayatul Quran in your dream?

There's so many things i would like to talk about when it comes to dream. Many of us have dreams but we simple ignore them because we don't know what it means and we don't know who can relate the dreams to us..

I've heard that to know whether or not you have a good dream, when you wake up, you remember the dream and you know it is good... but if you have a bad dream, simple forget about it and don't tell anyone. Spit to the left and seek refuge with Allah from the devil.

Perhaps i can write more.. but my mind is too tired now. Just came back from an interfaith gathering in the taliesin building. Ok.. pen off for now. Wasalam.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930's 40's 50's and 60's

First, we survived being born to mothers who had no full time maids/cooked food/cleaned the house while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate cheese, sweet dishes and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a local bus/train was a special treat.
We drank water from the tap and NOT from a bottle.
We would spend hours on the terrace under bright sunlight flying our kites, without worrying about the UV effect which never ever effect us.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate pastries, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours repairing our out dated bicycle and scooter out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.
After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms........!
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were never given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, we made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Cricket League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

PS -The big type is because your eyes are shot at your age

The decree of Allah

I was in my harfiah class..a combination or tafseer and arabic actually...when one of the students asked our Sheikh about the decree..Somehow the subject of decree is a bit complicated. But if you have trust in Allah, it is not that difficult to understand. People become confuse when it is said that the decree of every each one of us is already written and we are only realizing them now following the time line. But Allah, as the creator of the worlds, is not subjected to His creation that is TIME. Time is also Allah's creation. Allah, the All-Mighty created these whole universe and anything in the heaven and the earth. The fact that He created everything with His might and power and everything is subjected to Him, how can He not know what we are going to do or react to anything that happens to us?

Whatever we do is all decreed by Him. Good or bad is already written. Of course, we still have to strive for our future... Allah knows what we are going to do - whether or not we are going to be lazy or we are going to put our best effort. Allah is JUST and we should believe that with all our hearts and never to doubt. Allah is what you think of Him!

So the Sheikh gave an analogy which i think simplifies the whole matter. He said.. let say in his own house when he deals with his own children. One day, he just want to test his own daughter and took away her toy. Hide the toy somewhere and messed up her room. Knowing her own daughter, he knows that when she gets back from school, she will be furious. She will yell and then said "Where is my toy?" Then she will not be calm until she gets the toy and then she will check her room and become more furious. She will do this and that.. and this was what he told his wife. When their daughter came back, she did exactly what Sheikh has predicted... every step was exactly as what Sheikh told his wife. How can this happened?


Can you see the analogy? We are only talking about relationship between family members that we know. What about our own Creator who creates us from nothing and He fashioned us into who we are now? Don't you think He would not have known exactly what we are going to do? Don't you think he doesn't have any idea at all? Things are easy for Him. Look at the whole universe.. listen to the report of the Hubble telescope that tracks the far away universe. The universe that ALlah has created is so much bigger than what the Hubble can reach. Allah's creation is beyond our own comprehension. Look at the sky, look at the sea.. the deap sea where it is dark that no light can ever reach. Look at the insects and their kingdom. How GReat is Allah - we are so tiny as compared to His creations. We have to have faith that the decree is JUST and we should never questioned about it. Relate ourselves to ALLAH well and you will never feel left out. Listen to our hearts and let the lights come in. Sometimes it is good to isolate ourselves.. sit there under the sky, look around and contemplate - relate to Him. Reflect! Can you not see how kind He has been to us? The subject of DECREE is not that difficult once we have that TRUST. It is something we should never questioned! Wallahu'alam.

The world is a big classroom

Allah bless us with beautiful places in the world for us to travel and read the signs of His existence. If you ever get the chance to travel the world, grab it. Opportunities do not come twice.. so they say! I always love to travel and Allah has been kind to us.. we had many opportunities... I had taken my children off school for 2-3 months for many times just to experience living somewhere else when we had the chance. Some people would say.. what a shame! these kids had to miss school. But we have to remember that this world is a big classroom. All of us can be teacher and student at one point or another. So why not learn from this big classroom and let them explore... life is more than that going back and forth to school carrying those heavy bags. Kids can learn so much from many different experiences. It won't do them harm at all if we take them off school once in a while.

This world indeed is a classroom for all of us. We have to be aware and always try to understand from every each occasion of our lives and people around us teaches us a lot of things too. There are many different kinds of people. And one thing i realize from traveling is that.. the more you travel, the more friends you would miss and places that you long to go back. Allah put into our hearts the love of those whom we had never know before and bond us together through His grace and mercy. We don't have to have the same religion but our hearts can have that special bond like Anne Shirley called it as "Kindred Spirit".

I remembered a dear sister from France.. she is an Algerian French girl from outskirt Paris. We met in San Francisco when we stayed at a hotel in the heart of the city. One day, we went shopping and i noticed she liked a purse but put it back. I bought for her the purse. I give her the purse later that day as a present and she just looked at me, almost in tears and we hugged. We became sisters ever since. When we departed, it was the hardest moment - I remembered waving for her from the bus, she was all tears... she promised to go to Malaysia and she did... We spent Eid together that year. She actually did her practical training there for 4 months. Alhamdulillah...with only a cheap purse, Allah put into our hearts love for each other. Allah is kind and to understand Allah's kindness, we have to be kind to people. Like they said, what goes around, comes around... In the quran, it says .. (meaning) when you do good, you do good to yourself and when you do evil, you do evil against your own self.

This is something that we really need to understand. When we do good things to others, we are actually doing good to ourselves. We have to relate everything that happen around us and relate that to our own self. Nothing in this world happen as a coincidence. Never! Even the drop of a leaf from the tree is by the decree of Allah, the Exalted, Most High. It is Allah that has all the detailed plans and whenever anything happens, we have to take lesson from it. This is the classroom that i am talking about.. whatever you do.. relate back.. contemplate.. reflect. Insya'Allah, ALlah will give wisdom to those who want to understand.

Travelling teaches us a lot of things. Not only it enables us to witness Allah's greatness but more than that! You can look at it from many different perspectives. They said.. if you want to know someone, travel with them for 3 days.. then you can see his true character. Traveling usually needs lots of patience.. it is not that glossy smile and say cheese to the camera all the time.. yes, in the photos, you can smile but only the travelers know the story behind it.. the joy and the pain... It is funny when we heard about two families that went traveling together and when they came back, they no longer talk to one another... I am grateful i have Siti to travel with. It is not easy to find kindred spirits - but as long as we are willing to open up our hearts to accept love, insya'Allah, Allah will put plenty more! Look around us and see how many friends we have and what they have to say about us.. They are the signs for you to reflect. If they say good things about you.. alhamdulillah! If they say something bad, we might need to ponder deeper inside ourselves.. what have we done wrong.. what we need to improve? We can never be perfect like the prophet, Muhammad p.b.u.h. But these friends are like mirrors to us.. you look at them and you can see your ownselves - if we look hard enough!

May Allah open up our hearts to seek for true love which only Allah can provides. A true love is like magic.. it stays like glue and cannot come off. Seeking for Allah is actually seeking for that true love. And to love Allah is to seek for His pleasure.. to please him at all time and to fear Allah is to avoid displeasing Him because of that true love. Once that true love is there, nothing else matters ..

May Allah bestow on us that true love for Him and longing for Him in our hearts! Life is just a journey manifested in many different forms and we are like actors performing many different roles... Before that curtain is dropped, we need to review our performances.. has our performance made a difference to our audience or at least touches their hearts? If only we can have the best script, the best role, the best skill, the best costume .. it might make a difference!! Allah knows best. Wallahu'alam.