Dec 26, 1983 - You were born when it was snowing. I had a female doctor, Dr. Mayder and the delivery process went smooth (Epidural Block). The next day, we took you home and it was very cold and snowing still – you were in your pink outfit, wrapped in a blanket – we still kept it with us. Being very young at that time, it was a whole new experience to us, a whole new horizon to explore.
While others were busy hanging out with friends, going shopping or do what youngsters that age like to do, there we were, busy with our new schedule as young parents to a newly born baby. Of course, it was not easy. I remember at night, I hold you on my shoulder, hugging you and missing my own parents. I want them to see how beautiful you were, we did it all – changing diapers, cleaning you up, dressing you – adhering to your needs. You looked so fragile but we were brave. We did everything we could for you, using God given parenting-instinct, I guess.
We watched you closely as you grow. Your first word (‘baba’), your first smile, your first laughter, your first steps…. remember how easy your dad made you laugh – and we made you repeatedly giggled and we recorded your laughter. You took your first few steps at the age of 10 months. We took you everywhere – there are times when we took you in the baby cradle to the computer lab so that I can do my assignment, we took you to the library, we took you shopping for groceries (usually around 2 or 3 am), laundry… almost everywhere except to our classes. We had to arrange our schedule so that one of us can sit with you. Well, we sometimes, got help from our friends…Alhamdulillah.
When we ride in the car, you used to sit at the back in the middle of the back seat on the armrest. That was your favourite spot. You were so easy to handle – sorry, I made you sound like a tool – but really, you were never difficult. When you were a bit older, in the morning, you used to wake me up and asked me for breakfast using your own sign language (Being a young mother and a student too, I need my sleep ;) ). So I would take the milk and breakfast cereal out from the fridge and you ate on your own. I still can picture you eating your breakfast in the hall… you did it all on your own. At times, you took the cereal by yourself and you were very independent. How amazing! I also used to shop for your clothes a lot. The dresses for girls your age were very cheap back then – usually at K-Mart, they have the occasional ‘blue-light’ sale especially end of summer.... I bought your dresses for only $1 or 50 cent each.. so I bought lots of them. I remember you used to wear new and beautiful outfit each day. Oh.. how we pamper you so much!
By the time we had to go back to Malaysia, you were already 2 ½ year old. You enjoyed the plane ride. We still have a picture of you looking over the airplane window in amazement. You wore the pink dress, pink overcoat, and a pink hat. We still have the outfit kept too… You did not like Malaysia, at first. I can tell. For the first few weeks, you can’t put on your shirt because it was too warm. Somehow, at that age, you can’t talk … but my dad was wonderful.. every morning, at the breakfast table, he would teach you to pronounce just about everything… so he made you repeat after him and one of the first words he taught you were ‘air’ (water)… you can’t say it at first. You said - a-yo. He made you repeat the same thing everyday and we saw the rapid progress. You started with one word and then you start building up sentences.. and before we know it, you were talking in less than 6 months.
It was funny when early in the morning, you would take your lunch box, put on your favourite blue gown with ‘smoking’ design and waited for the bus to pick you up. You saw my youngest sister and the neighbour’s children were picked up by the school bus and you thought they would also pick you up. You sat there in front of the house on your blue lunch box and waited there until there were no school busses passing by. Then you cried because they did not pick you up. How long ago that was… my youngest sister is already married with 4 children!
We travelled a lot… especially during the festivals or holidays. You and your sister once travelled with my friend and at that time, both of you were 8 and 6 years old. But already you both knew how to do jama’ and qasar . They were amazed. Yes, you were bright and very well-mannered. You set good examples to others. Knowing these qualities in you, I recommended you to be a ‘prefect’ at school. I wrote a letter to your teacher – I don’t think if you knew that. But these are the things parents do for their children, assisting them to become leaders. You did well at school – straight ‘A’s and we were proud. Allah is Most Kind, Most Merciful.
Those days were long gone. You went to University and learn Medicine. It was tough. I remember when you were doing your International Bachelorette program, you were all stressed out. We could see your struggle and Alhamdulillah, you passed and we were relieved. We were quite anxious but we were sure, Allah knows what is best for you. After your 2nd year in University, you came home to us in Swansea. You were upset. You blamed me for pushing you to Medical School. I don’t think I did. I guess it was an obvious choice for an 'A' student like yourself. So you wanted to change and do something else. But it was too late – with the contract, I don’t think we can afford to pay back. Your years in college were like sailing in the open sea. Sometimes, the sea is calm whilst most of the time, there are waves, at different scales. Despite all that, Alhamdulillah… many fishermen survive the waves and so did you. I believe the ocean helps us to grow and become stronger…. learn to be patient as the waves come and go, thanking Allah for His mercy in good and bad times, helping others to stay on-board together, and the most important thing is that the ocean helps us to realize that we are nothing but Allah’s creation… however good we are, we still need Allah’s blessings and grace to stay alive.
So there you are…. graduated and we are happy and proud (Baba, Yana and Amir too). I know you are going to have a tough life despite all the struggle that you had gone through. I thought all mothers would be happy if their child’s a doctor. My good friend in Swansea, Sunny said that she doesn’t want her daughter to do medicine or any tough courses because she wants her to have an easy life…. I felt terrible. What have I done? Her words make sense – but it is not wrong to be ambitious, of course! My mom and dad – they must be so proud of you. My dad used to talk to my neighbour’s daughter (she was around 6 yrs old at that time) about what she wants to become. She told him that she wanted to be a doctor. They talked about her future… how it would be like to be a doctor. He used to praise her and was proud of that little girl. And indeed, she is now, a doctor.
Why I wrote this? I wanted you to know of your childhood. Of what we think of you and that we are so proud. Having you is a bless to any parents. Tomorrow will be your first day at the hospital as a DOCTOR and I want you to know that even at difficult times, Allah is there helping you out.
I remember there was one time when I was so sad (it was during my PhD – don’t know if I told you this) and I cried so much. I locked myself in Liyana’s room – there were papers around me. I took those papers and start rearranging them. Suddenly, I saw this phrase written on a paper like it was sent to me there and then…it says, “why are you so sad? Don’t you know that Allah is with you all the time?” Subhanallah… I can’t believe my eyes! I believe Allah send messages to us only that we sometimes are too busy to notice. So do not forget to make dua that you will be able to pass through the days with a smile on your face. I don’t know what your days gonna be like but however difficult it was, you shouldn’t feel sad. Remember for every muslim, there is no grieve nor fear. And Allah promised - with every difficulty, there is easy. Indeed, with every difficulty, there is ease. For us who have faith in Him, we keep our spirit high and hope for the best. May Allah help you to step forward with bravery with a new motivation to help others who needs you. I know there are many of them! So.. be brave, kak long. We are supporting you all the way….. CONGRATULATIONS, DOCTOR! I love you all the same.
CHAYYOOOOOKK!!
mama
“Whoever submits his whole self to God, and is a doer of good, has grasped indeed the most trustworthy handhold; and with God rests the End and Decision of all affairs (Luqman: 22)
