When the mind works....

I had an argument regarding a matter with someone a few years back when it seems impossible to convince him to see things my way. He just saw it differently. I used different tactics to make him see through my eyes and it just couldn't get through. Time and time again I would bring up the matter to remind him but to no avail. There are many issues actually, and they are all interrelated. Only last night, after a deep conversation, it pulled through. He finally was convinced. He sees it all. With an open heart, he admitted that I was right all along. It was like his mind was twisted and he can't see things straight. It was sort of a revelation, I reckon!

Why do we see things differently? Why can't we all accept things as they are and not think too much until we can't see the obvious? This is the trick of the mind -  People's mind is a complicated thing.. we don't know how people perceive things as it is all in the mind. There is a saying "A man is infinitely more complicated than his thoughts." and to me, it is the mind that complicate things or men. We always have the choice to see things as is. But when one thinks too deep, that when troubles come. 


Let's talk about fate which can be a good example. Fate is something beyond our grasp and Allah knows best. So, we are asked to make du'a/supplication to Him although we know that everything is decreed but as muslims, we should not lose hope. We should not question matters beyond our boundaries like - 
why we have to make du'a whilst everything is all decreed? Where is the will of men to determined where he wants to go and what he wants to do?  How come if all is decreed, we are still judged by Him? 


These questions are dangerous to our faith. If you think too much of them, the devil might trick you into thinking that it is unfair to be judged by something that is predestined. Suffice for muslims to believe that Allah is just. It must be an unconditional TRUST.  Allah says in the holy Quran, 


"Allah is never unjust not even of the weight of an atom (or a small ant)" (Quran 4:40). 


"We shall set up scales of justice for the day of Judgement, so that not a soul will be dealt with unjustly in the least. And if there be (no more than) the weight of a mustard seed, we will bring it (to account) and enough are we to take account" (21:47).


The precision is apparent. Therefore, when it comes to fate, mere common sense will not work. A famous scholar once said that common sense/logic is like a piece of wood floating in the ocean. You can hang on to it for a while but there is a bigger force that you can't beat.


Allah descent His book and prophet's teachings as our guidelines, as a reference to survive in the "Big Ocean". With our limited knowledge in religion, we are bound to commit sins. Let's not only use our own mind/mere logic to deal with any issue because we can be tricked. Seeking knowledge is the best to guide us to the truth and indeed, it is Allah who guides us but our job to seek knowledge. If Allah loves us, He will give us comprehension of the religion.


Therefore, when he admitted that he was wrong all along, it was not a victory to me as he was not really conceding to defeat. It was  a brave confession. To me, I took it as a sheer relieve - at last, someone see my point! I can't help my mind (the complicated engine)  from going into a swirl of questionings - what if I was also wrong? Can it be that I was the one who got tricked? What if there was some truth in his perception? What if he is also right as conditions change and flexibility is permitted in some situations. What if I was being too judgmental and rigid. How do I know that I am right? These questions keep coming to me, bombarding, one after another. Then I come into realization that we can't be too sure of anything in life. Allah ingrained in our hearts conscience to guide us through -  in addition to the Quran and Hadith as our manual. With all those equipments, we will not only survive but victorious, as well. And if you are seeking truth all the time, Allah will help.     


So in the car, I asked him.. "What makes you realize after all these years that you are wrong about this?" He replied, ".. through thinking and thinking".  I can't say anything anymore. I let my mind do the talking.... and "Hmmm....", I replied ;-) 

May you rest in peace! Ameen

I was recently told about the death of a newly graduated doctor who studied in Sheffield, UK. I read his blog which was written very well. I believe most of the medical students are well trained due to their assignments and number of case studies they had to cover - well, they are excellent students or else they won't get into medical schools. This brother, Mas Afzal had blood cancer and once diagnosed, he started writing his blog, sharing his experiences and moments with family and friends. There are many cancer patients linking themselves to his blog, sharing their strength and trust in God. In his last entry before he was terminally ill, he talked about his mom - how she had stayed by him during the hard times without complaining. Ya.. many people are fortunate to have mom's love - loving you without conditions. I read with tears in my eyes. magine the effort he had made to write at those difficult hours. Despite that young age, he is stronger than most .. always expressing his gratitude despite his condition.


I remember in one of the inspiring speeches given by Dr. Tareq Suwaidan, he said there was a time when Umar r.a., the prophet's sahabah sent a group of men to support a battle against the Roman. In that battle, he told the leader that he was sending 40,000 men. When the leader counted the men sent, there was only 10,000. When Umar was asked where are the rest of the men, he said, among those men, there are 4 whom each represents 10,000 men. Imagine how one man can be as strong of 10,000 men? Dr. Tareq Suwaidan added, most men now don't even add up to 1. Funny eh? So what happened to us? Strength in this context doesn't only refer to physical state. During the time of the prophet and sahabah, strength would also mean the state of IMAN and TRUST in Allah. Therefore, when you add all that to their physical being, they become undefeatable. Even if they are defeated in a battlefield, they are  considered martyrs - a dream of all believers. Win or lose, you will be victorious anyway!


However, we don't fight in battlefields. We fight against many things in our lives. Some fight against their own desires whilst some had to fight against terminal diseases like Cancer (I used a capital C because he used to refer it as Big C). Brother Mas Afzal passed away at 26. He fought all through, knowing for sure that his way was surely not the primrose way, everything is determined by The Almighty and decreed by Him - good or bad. He said, "Allah surely has  unique ways of showing His love, and I hope I will not lose my chance...". Such wise words... It is true that difficulties take people closer to Him. When we see people died at that young age, automatically our mind might think.. ahh, what a waste!!! There's so much to miss.... all the things that he could do like working, getting married, having children, building family, career and what not. But is that what life is all about?


Allah says in the Holy Quran, (3:185),
"Every soul shall have a taste of death! All of you shall get your full recompense only on the Day of Resurrection. Then only those will be Truly Successful, who escape the Fire of Hell and is admitted to the Gardens! As regards the life of this world, it is merely a thing that deceives! "


This is the true meaning of success - whether or not you escape from the torment of hellfire and be able to enter the gardens of delight... Allah's great heaven (Jannah). To enter Jannah, one needs a lot of perseverance, sacrifices, kindness to people and good relation with Allah. Are you establishing good relation with Allah? How about your relation with people? Do you love others enough? Do you love fellow muslims as we were told to? With SALAM, we spread love among muslims. Imam Muslim reported that our prophet p.b.u.h. said, 


"I swear by The One whose hand my soul is in that you will not enter paradise until you believe. And you won't be believed until you love one another." 


Only Allah knows what's in the heart but we, as human being, can only judge people by what they do. We can only see the obvious ones unless we are truly close. So how did this young man live his life? 


This young doctor - although he passed away at a young age - might have more good deeds than many of us. He was actively involved in dakwah activities - enjoining the good and forbidding the evil. One of his last assignment was an invitation as a guest speaker for 2 days at a camp. Despite of his health condition and difficulties, he accepted the invitation. Imagine, he had to commute from his house that would take around 45 minutes and not only once but four times to be with the group at the camp. Amazing as it seems, at that young age, he might have collected better points than us... some of us live for ourselves. Let us ask ourselves if we had done anything for others lately? Have we benefited from the hours given to us? If only we think and reflect how precious these hours are especially to those who had been diagnosed with terminal illnesses. Think about it! Can we be more beneficial? Can we give without thinking whether or not we will be receiving anything back other than Allah's love? If we can do that, that's really good news and we must be doing ok.


So when he passed away, comments came pouring into his websites - from family and friends, near and far- sharing news and their grieves. Everyone talked about how great he was as a friend, a student, a relative and most importantly, as a believer of faith. There was also a lady who talked about how she was helped by brother Afzal even when she was a stranger to him. With all these good words, I believe they become his witnesses of his good deeds. And these witnesses are what we needed most .. at the time when none can help but your own deeds. Allah says in the holy Quran (46:19), 


"And for all are degrees according to what they did, and that He may pay them back fully their deeds and they shall not be wronged".

Therefore, we are advised to use our time wisely for there are many who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses and would love to have more time to serve Him. To live our lives to the fullest is to serve Him well and loving Allah unconditionally more than the love of a mom to a son. When you look at the sky, how beautiful it is in the morning or during the sunset, take a deep breath and feel Allah's love. You can feel that it is overflowing in your heart. It is undescribable. Look at the shapes of the clouds and the landscape of the sky and just admire how beautiful it is. Do this in the car everyday you commute to work... look up there and feel the love of God, creeping into your blood. How much love can you feel? Can you not feel the abundance and overflowing love? Can you not feel the tremendous feeling that is just too intense? How does it feel like to be Muhammad p.b.u.h., His beloved, to have seen God in person. He must have felt so much more than us... , even greater than we could imagine.

So I believe for people who love Allah and whose life is devoted to Him and Him alone, there is no regret in anything that happened in life.. Come what may! They will not fear death, but even waiting longingly for the moment when he is called. He will smile when the angle whisper solftly in their ears,

"O sacred spirit, return to your Creater, satisfied and well-pleased" (89:27-28). 

Al-fatihah to the soul of brother Mas Afzal, May you rest in peace, enjoying Allah's love and mercy in abundance! 

Your values... don't let go!!

I was watching Oprah a few days back when she invited a lady, ex-wife to a politician. It was interesting. When it comes to Oprah, I should be selective. Some or the values presented are not suitable for muslims.. especially when it comes to promoting fashion, western values and the like. What I love about her shows are the things you learn from real-life experience people went through. The lady guest [let's keep her anonymous] was cheated by her husband. She wrote a book about her journey of overcoming her frustrations. She said there was no regrets, no anger, no grudge but only pain. Yes, she was hurt but all through that ordeal, she kept herself focused on what was most important - her children. She controlled herself so well. When she spoke about her experience, you can see that she is a very stable person - she was handling it brilliantly.

Not many people can go through trials with a sane mind. For people of faith, we should be able to have a high degree of control of our feelings and actions.  All through her pain, she was actually trying to hold on to her marriage.. making it works, believing in the tradition that she loves so much and the values that she adores. Yes, she was conservative. She believe in marriage and abide to the vows. Should we not?

TRUST in marriage is a big thing. To me, this lady is very strong and not many are as strong. At time of trials and tribulations, you needed faith or trust in Allah the most. Having to go through the ordeal and keeping a sane and focused mind makes her very special... you can say, ooh, I can do that too. But don't say that until you are tested. I believe it is not easy. Of course, like she said, the most hurt are the children. But that's life - you don't get bright colors and twinkling stars every day... and we just have to accept it as it comes. By the way, the book is entitled "Keeping true".  And I don't think anyone can overcome these trials without having faith in God - Islam, Christian whatever your religion is.

I was reading "Don't be sad", a book written so beautifully and a MUST HAVE for every muslim household. If you are sad, read the book. The words are so nicely written. Yes... why do we have to be sad? The author says, put it in your mind TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF YOUR LIFE so you'll make it worth your while. if today is your last, you won't be wasting it on feeling bad but you will make the most of everything that you have around you. If one goes wrong, the others are still ok. There are too many bounties to count and Allah is giving them to you without even you asking for them. So why then should you be sad? I don't know.. perhaps, you just have too much of self pity, that's why!

Don't you feel like when you are mad, you want to scream? Don't you feel like you want to overcome the whole problem now and then and carry on with your life? Do you feel like you want to settle things once and for all? Then how can some people keep themselves sane if the whole thing takes a long time or might even take most of your lifetime? I believe we should self train own mind. Tell the mind things that can make it focus - your priorities in life.. be it your children, your health, your business, your career - you name it. I am not only talking about marriage here... trials can be anything. Some people keep their sanity by keeping busy - good. Some eat a lot and get fat - not good. Some sleep the whole day - not so good.

So what is the best medicine? I don't have the answer to the question.. it all depends on your situation. But one thing for sure is to go back to Your Lord... because He welcomes you with open arms although you keep forgetting Him. And the best way to go back to Him is to seclude yourself... take sometime away from people...

People can harm you especially in your remembrance of Allah. With their praises, you can get carried away. With their charm, you might forget yourself. So isolation can be beneficial to be able to talk to Him sincerely. Some people love to get themselves known and so, they can collect as many friends. To them, making friends are appreciating love and that is good. Sometimes, too much love can spoil you. People of faith are selective in making friends... if you are not careful, they can drag you down.. unless you are an angel - untouchable. I've seen people making friends without thinking.. liking him or her in the virtual world without thinking of your values or principles. You want to do DAKWAH and at the end, you will become bankrupt of good deeds because you are sinning and get caught in chain of sins [When you make error and others follow]. Again.. you forgot your values!!!

Ibn Thymiyah said {in Don't be Sad},
"At times, it is necessary for the worshiper to be isolated from others in order to pray, remember Allah, recite the Quran and evaluate himself and his deeds. Also, isolation allows one to supplicate, seek forgiveness, stay away from evil and so on". These can help you to keep sane.

So when Oprah asked her.. "What was your regret?" Without hesitation, she replied, "Not leaving sooner than I did - But that was because of my TRUST in my values and holding on to them ".

Thank you Allah for yesterday when I was young

It is amazing when you look back and think of the years you have left behind, and of course, not knowing what is left. At times, you have to pinch yourself and look in the mirror to see how old you are [not much difference eh?] as you are always the same at heart. Of course, with some revelation in life, you improve in many ways due to the knowledge gained and confidence accumulated along the way. That should make you smile in realizing how incredible life has been. In this life, we are given a certain amount and we cannot have it all at once. God knows how easy we can deviate and be ungrateful to Him.

Saidina Ali said "if you were given the scroll of fate and see what was decreed in your life, you will not want to change a thing". Despite the pain memories, bad decision, wrong calculations and what not, they were all added to your store of values. These values made you and everyday you are living by these values.

Relationships, how good or bad - they are in the store too.. building your character as they influence you, one way or another. People change through time with all these values accumulating and changing, adapting to situations in life. How many times people change your mind about something? See how powerful interactions are? Your principles - they can remain the same or they can be improved...  as you re-evaluates your values as knowledge and experience added to your store!! Hopefully, good values stays. This is the process of maturity... and as time goes by, people change. Relationships change. Faces change. Nothing endures but change.

Is it a sad thing to change? Not really. In most cases, changes can mean a good thing. Whatever experience you have in life - good or bad - they are generally good, ain't it? All those thousand dreams that you dreamed but never achieved, they help you inspired. All those foolish games you play, they help you learn a trick. The love games you play and got hurt, they teach you to be wiser. No matter what you do before, there is always lessons to learn. If there is anything that you regret, let it be... leave yesterday as today can be your last. Like Anne said, "Life is too short to hold grudges" but if things are too much to handle, take a walk or better still, a vacation!

So when I look back to the years when I was young..things were sweet. I remember myself being a naive girl, who were forced to be independent when I left the nest of my family flying far to the United States at a very young age. So when I hear this song... it really clings to the heart. How true!! How careless we can be when we were young.....



"It seems the love I've known,
has always been the most destructive kind.
I guess that's why now,
I feel so old before my time."

Yesterday, when I was young,
The taste of life was sweet, as rain upon my tongue,
I teased at life, as if it were a foolish game,
The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned,
I always built, alas, on weak and shifting sand,
I lived by night, and shunned the naked light of day,
And only now, I see, how the years ran away

Yesterday, when I was young,
So many happy songs were waiting to be sung,
So many wild pleasures lay in store for me,
And so much pain, my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time, and youth at last ran out,
I never stopped to think, what life, was all about,
And every conversation, I can now recall,
Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all

Yesterday, the moon was blue,
And every crazy day, brought something new to do,
I used my magic age, as if it were a wand,
And never saw the worst, and the emptiness beyond

The game of love I played, with arrogance and pride,
And every flame I lit, too quickly, quickly died,
The friends I made, all seemed somehow to drift away,
And only I am left, on stage to end the play

There are so many songs in me, that won't be sung,
I feel the bitter taste, of tears upon my tongue,
The time has come for me to pay,
For yesterday, when I was young

There is some truth in the song.. I believe normal people go through similar process - making mistakes and mend them... So Allah take youth and give you wisdom - What a great exchange! Should we not be grateful???  So when I look into the mirror, I always say "THANK YOU ALLAH FOR YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG".

Indeed, we have to be among the grateful ones.

A link to the past

I did a lot of travelling lately. Sometimes, in a week, I had to go to  KL twice - attending all sorts of seminar, courses and what not! Nowadays, traveling is easy nowadays due to the R & Rs along the PLUS highway. I remember those days when we travelled, mom had to pack some food so that we can stop to eat.. of course, we had to select somewhere nice (usually a bit off the road -a comfortable place to sit and eat together like a picnic.) Now, we don't have to pack food because there are many choices at the stop areas.

So last week, we were at one of the R&Rs when I  saw an actor who was famous in my childhood. He used to act with P. Ramlee. Who does not know P. Ramlee? Even my son, Amir loves him. He don't usually watch Malay movies but he loves him anyway. We enjoyed watching some of the films especially "Seniman Bujang Lapok". Even watching the same movie 10 or more times, you will still laugh your heart out. Oh... what a talent this man was! However, he passed away at quite a young age, 43. I was in primary school and I can remember the blanket of sadness covering the whole nation when people heard the sad news. It was like we can never have anyone so talented anymore. How true... I don't think anyone have the same magical touch... that touches the hearts of young and old. And amazingly, most of his films are evergreen!

Back to my story... I saw one of the Bujang Lapok - Aziz Satar. I thought Amir would really be happy. I told him and he was very excited. He rushed to meet Pak Aziz and with his dad, he took a photo with Pak Aziz Satar. He was really happy and glad. He wanted to upload on his facebook!

I was thinking.. what was so special? Of course, he was one of THE Bujang Lapok but he is no more famous. But the fact that he is the link to the past is what makes him so special. A past, left as memories - forgotten and unforgotten as we can be selective. A past to a man who was quite special... P. Ramlee. And I guess, anything that is not accessible is invaluable! And I believe for Aziz Satar, his experience working with P.Ramlee creates a legacy of its own.

I heard that P. Ramlee was a kind man. I also heard that he used to give a portion of his money to charity when at that time, they were paid little. May Allah accepts his good deeds and kind heart to kindly forgives him for whatever evil all these film business had caused him.