Some things are NOT worth fighting for?

We went to the movie and watched Changeling last weekend. It is not something we usually do but since Amir really wanted to go for his outing, we went but we make sure that it must be worth the time spent. It is about a mom fighting for her missing son. The movie is full of emotion - emotion of someone losing something that was the world to her, emotion of someone who was oppressed, lied to, brutalised for all the wrong reasons ... in short, it is about fighting for your rights. And as Clint Eastwood is the director, you can see Clint Eastwood thingy in the movie -  the theme is about fight where it says, do not start a fight but always finish it!  

Do we really need to finish a fight? I used to believe we should fight till the end. We should stand firm. But as I grow older and learn from my experiences, I now believe some things are not worth fighting for. You can have a principle and stick to your principle. You can have a stand and stick to your stand. You can show people how much a thing means to you when you stand for it. But at times, we should just let it go. It is not a cowardy thing. You don't have to feel bad about it. I believe sometimes it is a brave thing to do for a hero to leave the scene.

I faced an issue this week about having rights. Things in life is not like a, b, c where you can clearly see what they are... things/events happen in abstract ways and you need wisdom to handle them. When an issue befalls you, suddenly it MAGNIFIED because it is all about ME, I ... try talking to some people, it might not seems that big anymore. Or it might even seems bigger if you add some special effects to it. That is why, when you have any ill feelings towards someone, you should not mention it.. it will strengthen your thoughts/feelings. 

The devil works in mysterious ways.. they are clever and we should be cleverer because Allah teaches us not to backbite or if we don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all. If we follow the guidance, we will be at peace. Allah said those who backbites will not enter paradise. Fear Allah!

Back to the issue... when you have fought your way through and you still can't get it, have trust that Allah is keeping something better for you. If we all can have that trust, wouldn't life be easier.. Some people learn the hard way about fighting rights. I have my own lesson to learn. I once fought for something that I truly believe should be mine, I got it but end up having lots of troubles just by having it. It is an embarrassing thing to discuss. But as Allah conceal our shame, should we expose it? Believe me, I have had my share! 

When you have experience many different things in life, sometimes mistakes happen many a times because they don't appear in the exact similar way and the devil (devil faults again!) makes you think like.. oh, this time it is different. But if you have any problem, think rationally. Think of all the possibilities.. if it is just something you can do without, leave it! Tell yourself that it is not the end of the world. Don't spend your energy unwisely.  It is good to live a healthy live with a peaceful heart. Maintain a good relationship with everyone. I read Imam Al-Ghazali's book this morning. It says everyone deserves your good words, even those who treat you badly.

But when do we know that a fight is not worth fighting for? Nobody has the answer. Sheikh Abdullah said, ask your heart. Your heart can have a fatwa. If you die tomorrow, will you be proud of the actions that you took. If you take any action that will jeopardise your relation with others, perhaps you should step back. Always think of others when you do anything. Try not to think too highly of yourself. Allah said those who have ego will not enter paradise. It is not worth anything when you displease ALLAH. He is the love of our life and we want to meet our prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. We want to stand tall in front of him so that he would be able to smile and said, Yes.. you are my follower. If you really love him.. you will be more wise in your actions, I suppose! 

May Allah help us all in everything that we do. I know, I use to say, I am a fighter. I feel proud when people say, YOU ARE A FIGHTER. But sometimes we need to ask ourselves, IS IT WORTH FIGHTING FOR?

A promising tomorrow

It has been like 4 weeks since Amir went to boarding school. I know I miss him so much as he is the baby in the family. I miss my 2 sweet daughters too but I am sure they are fine and I don't want to feel sad because they have bright future in front of them... However they grow, they are still our babies and we sometimes want to just hug and kiss them like we used to when they were in our arms. 

Amir calls almost every night. He will make sure he can hear my voice before he goes to sleep. Sometimes, he would put 50 cent and watch anxiously at the meter. When the credit was almost over, he would say "I love you" many times until the line was over. He once told his dad that he was afraid to be away because he might not be able to "find" us when we comes home. That was his concern when we sent him to Tahsin Quran at Ulu Langat. We had to go back and forth to KL many a times just to convince him to stay. 

Now, we can see improvements in Amir's attitude. He has changed. He starts doing homeworks and reads his books. But one thing that motivates him the most is the fact that he wants to go back to UK. He wants to make sure that he can go to UK university. I told him that if he gets good grades, I'll send him there, insya'Allah. 

Alhamdulillah... it seems that tomorrow is brighter. Like Anne Shirley said, tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes. I pray that Amir's tomorrow is happier now ... with friends who can help him to excel. Ameen.

MOTHERS...

I believe many of us underestimate mothers. And how important they are in our lives. Allah said that even looking at our mothers with love is a good deed and will be rewarded. In life, everyone is trying ot achieve the highest - we strive very hard and sometimes, we forget that we need mothers' blessings. I've had many different incidents that are relevant to this issue but it is very time consuming to write. Anyway, recently I was troubled with a problem of a family whose children are having different kids of misconduct... not only minor misconduct but involve in things that you can't imagine. I tried to think of how this is possible and I can't find the answers.... our team was trying to solve some of the problems without really analysing the real issue.

So one time, I went to this person whom I know is a very religious and knowledgeable man. I narrated the story and told him of the troubles.. His answer was easy. He said he saw only one problem.. the real cause of the whole thing. He said I have to look at the relationship between the mother of these children with her own mother. There must be some problems leading to all these .. If you want your children or your life to be blessed, you must have a good relationship or blessings from your mom. This is an essential part of life.

I now see the root of the problem. I believe if I can treat the root of the problem, perhaps I would not waste alot of time treating the problem. I don't know if I have the strength to help the family but I hope Allah will give us the chance to help and make things that are good for them easy.

Another thing about forgiving... most of us claimed that we forgive others everytime. But at one point or another, we keep talking about it.. we keep on saying things like .. "if only he did like i said.. " or "I told him that and he .... ", mentioning other people's mistake over and over again and at the same time, claiming that you forgave them. Now I realise that forgiving is wiping off the marks as if it was never there. When Allah forgives us, He will not mention our mistakes ever again. So it is important for mothers to remember that your children need your forgiveness and that once you forgive, you also need to forget about it... they need our blessings. Life is too short to hold grudges. I need to remind myself and others about this so that our family will be blessed and Allah will be pleased.

Time to reflect - Reunions

It is not easy to be able to meet old friends. In those days when there was no internet, friendster or facebook, we used to carry with us autographs for our friends to sign and put memorable words. Everyone would try to write something special that others have not written before but as kids, we don't get too many fancy stuff.. so we began copying from one another. I did not have very good autograph as they are considered quite expensive to my standard in those days. When I went to further my study in United States, I've lost all my books or papers as the family needed more room for more important stuff. With 9 siblings in a house, keeping a personal belonging aren't personal anymore. I've lost my things and there goes my friends. They all went everywhere... overseas and locals that keeping track of everyone is almost impossible. 

When I was in UK, I found out that a few of my friends had successfully gather some of our classmates - some of us were in the same class since we were in year one to year six and had not seen each other since then. How long is that - it had been almost 33 years.... Anyway, last week, I managed to meet some of them. Not many turned up but it was okay. I don't mind not meeting everyone but to meet a few is already a blessing. We hugged each other and recalled those days when we were that innocent little girls and boys. Some remember how they used to admired one another...How sweet were we!! I said friends are like mirrors. If you want to know yourself, ask them. And mirrors do not usually lie...

Many remember me as this neat little girl, my mom used to comb my hair with lots of brylcream. Some remember that I used to get among top marks in math... that I remember! I also used to chase this chinese boy while waiting for our bus to fetch us from school. This chinese boy had passed away - he reverted to Islam in secondary school. I talked about that too.. Some of our friends faces were not as we remembered but as we chatted along, the smiles and the expressions brought back the familiarity.. 

Actually when I looked at my friends, I saw myself. We were kindred spirits and we learned many different things together - big or small. There were many memories that has long gone - we can't even remember .. perhaps they are not worth remembering.. but to be able to meet and to share a moment of your childhood is so sweet. Kids are not like colouring books for you to fill with your favourite colours (Kite Runner). They grow with what they have or see around them and these are the boys and girls I played with. I haven't met many more but hopefully I would be able to one day.

I guess everyone's childhood is the same one way or another. When I watched Little House on the Prairie, I can see all the different characters existed in my childhood friends. Nellie Olson character was played by a friend in our class who's influence was so great that everyone imitated her in almost everything. She was the trend setter.. how cool! My class was the best class in the school as we have the best graders and some of us were very consistent (excluding me).  I was going up and down the graph but managed to maintain being among the best of friends. 

I pray to Allah that my friends are all doing well. That Allah helps and guide us all along the path of our lives. It doesn't matter what position they hold in their companies or how much wealth they have gathered.. what matters is that Allah is please with us all. If Allah is pleased, then we can have another great reunion under the shade of a tree in Jannah. This is the best thing that can happen to any friendship. 

I remember one day when Amir was at home. He was scribing in a book and I asked what he was doing. He looked at me with worried eyes... he said he can't recall all his friends' names - those who were with him at Bishop Gore. I know he misses his school and friends so much. I did not pay much attention to his comment as I don't want to think too much and get upset. But I promise myself that I will take him again to the place where he once called HOME.. perhaps it is still HOME to him. All I can do is to help him to make the most of what he has and to help him build a better tomorrow. 

May peace and blessings of Allah be with you!