A friend from the past

It is interesting when you have gone on a long journey. That is how I look at my life. I am not that old but it seems like life has taken me to many different points... many interesting events with different colours added to it. And there are things attached to all these memories. I don't know how other people relate to their old memories but it is funny when you think about it. For myself, sometimes I relate to my memories with songs. There are songs that will take me back to United States when I was very young and naive (That is how I describe myself). I don't enjoy songs like I did before.. but sometimes, when I was driving and suddenly I heard an old song on the air, it will take me to certain situations... like snow time or spring time or night time when I was in Wheat Shocker apartment (US) years back. When that happens, you feel strange - it is hard to describe... sadness, a sense of missing something...a tingling sensation. 

When I was in UK, I used to walk with my iPod to school - playing "Fatamorgana" nasyid. I don't know why I love the wording so much.. it is quite spiritual and deep. It talks about how in life that things are unreal - that we have to strive for the hereafter. I guess that is why I like the nasyid so much coz it reminds me of that fact. Doing PhD takes one to many different path.. so we need to constantly remind ourselves what life is all about.

Back to the title of my post, I had a best friend when I was in US... we are kindred spirits. Our experience of youth was about the same... that makes people relate better - when they have similar experience. She now live very far from us.. that is life. After university, you all go on your own separate ways.. not many people get to stick together... So suddenly when I called her, she was on holiday and decided to come over - 3hrs drive from the place she was. 

We had a nice time together.. now and then, we tried to recollect old memories... the games we used to play, the K-Mart blue-light sale shopping that we enjoyed together especially during end of summer season, the friends - of course we did get to cover that much as she couldn't stay the night. 

Before they left, we had a nice "Cendol" time at the famous mamak's place. We sat there eating cendol and then one of us said.. look at us! We started with four and now there're many of us. How true... time flies so fast and now, we are all busy with our families - doing whatever we are good at. We can attain so many different things in life - each with his/her own achievement. Of course we will not end up at the same point but wherever we end up at, we made each other's proud.

Before they left, we took a nice photo together. Even though the back ground of the photo is not New York city or London or any great city.. it was only a mamak cendol's stall, but the photo tell so many stories of us.. of our journey of life and our achievements. Looking at the photos when I was in the car, I smiled to myself. I am proud to have friends who would travel very far just to be with us even for a short time. How nice. So before they make their turn, I gave my friend, her husband and their children a bye-bye and a big flying kiss - hoping to see them again in the near future.

We now back to our own destiny... doing our own things. But being friends, we will always be together in spirit - just like Anne Shirley said!

The true image...

We were driving along near our house when we drove past an old man. He was trying to hitch hike to an opposite direction. Both of us looked at him with amazement. He was wearing a long white dress with long white trousers like muslim traveller used to wear (I guess!) His attire showed that he was a traveller as it was not crispy white. He also have his "serban" on top of his head. 

I was saddened. This old man needed help but with the current condition, I can't do anything. I might be risking my life. But he looked authentic. I wanted to help but my daughter said no. 

A sudden feeling came over me. He looked like a pious man but still, he looked strange. Most importantly, in this area, he looked different! What had happened to us? This man looked weird? How weird is it to look like a real muslim? Now such appearance is a stranger to us. When people wear western attire, they look ok - normal. But when someone wear the proper muslim attire, they look abnormal.. must be something wrong! They are like coming from outer space, or from another dimension. 

Then look at Islam. When people wanted to implement proper Islamic teaching, we put all the wrong labels because those teachings are not familiar to us... we got confuse between what is culture and what is islam. We got really confuse. At which point have we gone wrong? I don't have the answer to that.. never will. But we can all help to improve the situation by reminding ourselves and others to learn the real meaning of Islam. If we go out from our own country, then it is easier to see. Islam is not about being a Malay, a Chinese, an African or an Arab. It is not about culture but a way of life... which way of life. Perhaps many of us are too confuse to answer now. Unless we can see proper examples, we will continue being confused. May Allah send to us people who can lead the way.. the right way to true ISLAM. The true image! 

Night of Eid.. thinking

Tonight is the night or eid. Again I am on my blog trying to capture my inner thoughts. For a few days, life was a bit hectic with lots of weddings to attend and doing some social obligations. It is good to be awake early to listen to your heart and to get connected again. Sometimes, while doing some of your social obligations, you tend to forget who you are and why you are here. Your surroundings are not that supportive.. that I have to remind myself now and then.

I remember when I was in UK - Allah reminded me of how bad things can be. How I should ask fatwa from my heart to seek guidance. I don't know if the signal is still strong but I am sure I can be losing those signals if I am not careful. I am scared if Allah is displease that He will stop sending signals - lights that I need in order to be on the right path. I miss all those moments when I can feel the signals are strong even when I know at times, I make mistake time and time again... but I have trust that with continuous taubah, Allah will guide.

Weddings can be complicated. People likes to follow traditions that are not related to them at all. To conform to a certain social standard, one thought that one has to do certain things and adhere certain regulations or act in certain ways. Like I always said, Allah makes things easy but we ourselves make things difficult for us. The sunnah way is easy to follow but we choose to follow other things - life can be deceiving and many of us can be off tracked! Being at these weddings, I can't stop asking myself what had happened to the society? What do they want to show? Having music and those entertainment - can the wedding be blessed? Will the angles join us in our prayers to ask Allah for the well being of the newly wed? Hopefully the answer is yes. But we are very forgetful and in those loud musics, it doesn't help to remember Allah and to relate to Him. The DJs become the most important person in the weddings... controlling the admosphere. Is that the right thing to do? It is all like the Aznil macam-macam.. people are going for that now. They all want to become Aznil. When I came home (back in Malaysia), I was amazed. How can everyone accepts the TV programs with all those crazy entertainment.. the kids, the old people - they seem to be accepting whatever is there. Can we??? Who is the culprit that sets these standards?

I remember someone's story about the 2 groups of frogs. The 2 groups of frogs were put in 2 separate bowls. One group was in bowl A where the temperature was increasing slowly and the other group was in bowl B where the temperature was normal. When the temparture increased suddently in bowl B, the frogs jumped to save their lives. The frogs in A did not jump because they did not realised the temperature as it goes higher. So at a certain point, the frogs died because they were too weak to jump when they realised the temperature was unbearable.

This will happen to us.. if we let ourselves in these entertainment, we'll not realised until it is too late to save ourselves. Our heart will weaken and we will not see the right thing because we are too deep in it already.

Weddings are blessed occasions. We need to adhere to Islamic traditions. May be the tragedies in our lives.. like Bukit Antarabangsa are reminders to us... yes, they are due to some scientific factors but Allah is wise. He will not let things happen just like that. Things will happen according to the Law of the Universe. We can only see the surface of things.. but we need to open up our hearts too... to listen to the fatwa of the heart. Are we living like true muslims? Are we educating the non-muslims on how we should lead our lives? Unless we stop and think, contemplate and repent, Allah will not bestow on us blessings and happiness that we are searching for. And what's left for us is just a quest of the material things... the moment to moment joy that won't last. Remind me of Al'Ghazali's the alchemist of Happiness.... we should be in the quest of that happiness in order to prepare ourselves for the real life that is coming anytime, insya'Allah!

Wallahu'alam.

This was then... When i started this blog (thought i better keep it)

I am currently a full time PhD student in Swansea University. Yes.. i am in 4th year and now struggling to find that so-called light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know if i have seen even a crack but everyone needs to have patience.. May Allah make it easy! (Update) Now, i think i have found that crack and see that tiny light, Alhamdulillah! During my first year of embarking onto this long journey, i found a very good phrase that continues to inspire me throughout my journey .."The real voyage of discovering consists not only in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes". Indeed, this is very true. You can see many different types of people who had gone through so much in their lives but they never want to change. We cannot stay rigid nor timid but instead, we have to be brave and open minded. There is another phrase that inspires me for years and years. It is about struggle in life and how we thought life will complete once we overcome these hurdles but like the Quran said, "Life is a struggle". We all have to work hard. The body is a rented vehicle and we should make the most of it before the Owner claims it back. Wallahu'alam.